Is it OK to leave MiL Home Alone at Christmas?

[TrashieB]

Advice needed!! Had Ps and ILs all of married life 20+years, celebrations, christmas, anniversaries, birthdays, easter, nearly every Sunday, but really want to get away at Christmas for a holiday with H and kids now they are older. Is it OK to leave MIL home alone? H and I work full-time, kids are growing up and I just want to avoid all the stress and get away somewhere nice. Its just two weeks away at the end of the day, but is that OK, or should we take her with us?

I know what you mean about getting away.
Are there any other family members that she could see/visit.
Would she want to come with you or prefer to stay at home.

We have the same issue. I would feel too guilty about leaving her alone completely, even though she always says she wouldn't mind. Perhaps I'm being daft. Have you asked her?

I vote go for it. It’s only 1 year and l guessing like a lot of us, the last year or so has been quite draining

I don’t think YABU, but it really depends on your MIL’s personality-I’d she likely to be very upset? Does she have other family or friends to spend Christmas with?

If my DC ever wanted to take a holiday over Christmas, I’d be completely fine with it, but I know people who might not be.

I'd just make an effort to visit before & after. Lots of people are fine with it and just enjoy the day alone or hook up with friends in same boat.

I've had mil for the past 15yrs as she's on her own and I feel guilty about it even though she is a pain in the ass.
Last Christmas she said she was staying at home in her own (like she does every year and we end up 'talking her into coming') but this time I didn't bother, checked she was sure then didn't say anymore. It was bliss just to do our own thing and not have someone else to wait on etc. Do it op it's your time!

Which other relatives does she have?

I've spent 20 years trying to get people to leave me alone at xmas.
Just talk to her.

Depends on your MIL

Some people really don’t mind having a peaceful day on their own, eating what they like when they like, doing whatever they like. Some have to fend off invitations from well meaning relatives or friends who can’t accept that anyone might like some P and Q on their own - esp. if the alternative includes noisy, overexcited, fractious kids.

Mine decided 4 years ago that it was all too much/too loud, kids bigger etc so she booked a five day break in a lovely hotel (all inclusive) in Torquay, starting on the 23rd. She had a ball and has never looked back.

If she will be alone for two weeks over Christmas and NY, you need to talk to her about it before you book, I think. If she has other family/ lots of friends you don’t need to worry.

Does she have any other relatives at all?

If other relatives then gentle maybe see if she wants to go there. If not bit harsh leaving her on her own I would invite her with you

Wouldn't leave my mother or mil alone on Christmas day ever. Especially if routine for past 20 years has been they come.

Why not have a holiday before or after Christmas?

Personally I could never leave my mum or partners mum alone on Christmas Day but we are all quite family orientated.
How would MIL feel about it?

It's completely your choice at the end of the day, would there be no way you could go before/after Christmas Day depending on if working round school holidays etc. Or how would you feel about taking her with you if she didn't want to be alone?

I wouldn't enjoy my holiday knowing we'd left a parent on their own on Christmas Day, but it doesn't have to be you she spends the day with. Does she have friends or other family she could go to?

Imagine yourself being that MIL sat at home alone on Christmas Day while your family are on holiday - although of course you would tell them to go and enjoy themselves and not worry about you.

Does she have other family or friends that she could spend the day with?

I think you should take her with you, surely Christmas is about being with the family. Especially as you don’t mention any back story of abuse or arguments.

If she's genuinely going to be alone with no other family then I wouldn't do this no.

YANBU.
Can you sound out any other friends or relatives in advance to invite her?

Depends if shes a nice woman or not

Wouldnt of left the MIL alone but would very happily leave the FIL 😂

I'm in the MlL position. I would quite understand that the family want to get away on their own without me even at Christmas. I would be on my own but that would be OK. I would like warning though, in case l decided to go to a hotel or something. I think I'd better ask them in case they are wondering what to do this Christmas.

Doesn't she have any other family or close friends she could spend it with?

If you did invite her...would she come/would you enjoy it with her there (I get on ok with my MIL but wouldn't want to go away with her for two weeks!)

Imagine it was you being left alone at Christmas.
I think it’s a bit mean. DH is an only child and we always have Mil, we even have to pick her up these days!
Just go afterwards