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Christmas

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Original poster

Is it OK to leave MiL Home Alone at Christmas?

78 replies

TrashieB · 01/08/2021 22:44

Advice needed!! Had Ps and ILs all of married life 20+years, celebrations, christmas, anniversaries, birthdays, easter, nearly every Sunday, but really want to get away at Christmas for a holiday with H and kids now they are older. Is it OK to leave MIL home alone? H and I work full-time, kids are growing up and I just want to avoid all the stress and get away somewhere nice. Its just two weeks away at the end of the day, but is that OK, or should we take her with us?

OP posts:

Cameleongirl · 03/08/2021 17:49

Again, it really depends on your MIL. I'd love to spend Christmas Day on my own, I'd do exactly what I wanted and enjoy the peace! Typically, I'm rushing around cooking and looking after other people, it's fun but not the most relaxing day.

Intherightplace · 03/08/2021 17:55

I'd feel awful about leaving one parent on their own for Christmas Day, although I would do it to my parents who have each other.

I am recently widowed though and have decided at the first hint of "someone else" DCs want to spend Christmas with, I shall be off on a solos adventure holiday for the holiday period. I'd hate to think my DC's family Christmas was spoiled because of having to work round me.

If you do it, give her plenty of notice to get used to the idea. You might find she has other invitations and/or wants to go away herself.

Intherightplace · 03/08/2021 17:57

You might even find she's pleased not to feel obliged to come to you...

Tiddlywinks10 · 04/08/2021 07:06

I think you need to talk to her. It’s definitely a good time for annual leave to be used efficiently!

As a side note, we went away for Christmas in 2019 and will be this year if possible- it was so relaxing!

didireallysaythat · 04/08/2021 07:13

MIL books herself into a hotel with a friend for Xmas. We meet up in the New Year so it's something to look forward to in the grey Jan/Feb. DM is often home alone. Neither live close and our spare room is a box room (currently my office) - so it's not really practical for them to come for more than a day or two. MIL brings a tent in the summer and camps in the garden but that's not practical inn December.

Lockdownbear · 04/08/2021 07:21

I think it would be a bit mean to leave her alone, assuming there are no other siblings, who'd invite her.
We all had a shit Christmas last year.

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/08/2021 07:28

Depends on her personality.
I’m a MiL, very nice relationship. Wouldn’t bother me at all if they went away (I’m not alone now but may well be one day. I’m very content with my own company)

budgun · 04/08/2021 07:28

What does your husband think? After all, she is his mother.

spotcheck · 04/08/2021 07:28

Nobody can fairly comment without more info.

Would she be on her own? Are there other friends and family around? Would she mind being on her own?

saraclara · 04/08/2021 07:35

None of us can tell you what to do. I know people who love being alone (or would like the chance to be), others (like me) for whom family Christmas is hugely important, and those in between.

Only you know where your MIL fits along that line.

moonbedazzled · 04/08/2021 07:37

My mum had her parents and my dad's parents every christmas. One Christmas she decided that we should have Christmas on our own and told them we were going away even though we weren't. She felt so guilty that on Boxing Day she rang them up and told them we'd come back early and invited them all round for tea. 😂

I'd never leave my mum on her own but I'm not sure how bothered she'd be if I did.

Notonthestairs · 04/08/2021 07:47

In theory I'd said yes. One Christmas away after 20 years of hosting is absolutely fine. Presumably there are other family members that could step up?

But we went away for a particular birthday but to be honest it felt a bit boring. Maybe I need more practice.

doudouchouchou · 04/08/2021 07:48

I would take her

doudouchouchou · 04/08/2021 07:48

Or at least invite her

Holly60 · 04/08/2021 07:48

definitely need more information before we can advise.

If you get on with her, and she would enjoy it, could she not just come with you? It’s only one extra person!

If not then you need to think about who else she can see/what she can do. I don’t think I could leave one person to spend Christmas Day home alone whilst her family were all on holiday together. Unless there is some massive backstory where actually she is a nasty person ….

sadperson16 · 04/08/2021 07:51

Presumably she has her wits about her....ask her about it.

Holly60 · 04/08/2021 07:51

Also remember you set a precedent for your children here. If you are justifying it to them (even if deep down you feel a bit mean, and know she will feel a bit sad) you are teaching them to do the same to you in future.

I personally couldn’t leave one parent to just literally be on their own at Christmas, but maybe this isn’t what you are suggesting?

GoWalkabout · 04/08/2021 08:02

It's OK to do what you want, I have been in that boat and done the same. And you don't have to dance to anyone else's tune especially if they have tended to assume they are entitled to visit, been u grateful or demanding or critical. However if MIL has been gathered into the bosom of your family every Sunday forever, and is none of those things, then I would put a lot more thought into her feelings and try to find a plan that works for everyone. (Does she live with you?).

Apeirogon · 04/08/2021 08:02

I would always invite her if we were in the country, but if you're away on holiday I think that's ok.

Ozanj · 04/08/2021 08:05

Like others I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my holiday if I knew a parents was alone. Would it really be the end of the world to take her with you?

Savannahnanana · 04/08/2021 08:07

I'm a MIL and I'd be happy for you to have a break. I'd like a little FaceTime call on the day, if you have wifi/mobile signal but would be happy to know you were having a lovely break.

opalescent · 04/08/2021 08:09

I totally understand your dilemma. Is there anybody else she could feasibly spend the day with?

Is she enjoyable to have around? Or a cranky/objectionable type. If the former, I think I'd take her.

DancesWithTortoises · 04/08/2021 08:10

If she has nowhere else to go then you are very unreasonable.

Christmas can be a very lonely time anyway - to spend it alone because her family doesn't want her would be devastating to her.

Hissysnake · 04/08/2021 08:12

@budgun

What does your husband think? After all, she is his mother.

I can't believe you're the first person to mention this!!!!

She is your MIL. It is DHs problem to sort out what she does at Christmas, not yours. What does he think?

(Placemarking for the usual nonsense about man who cannot possibly do anything towards organising Christmas)

Saidtoomuch · 04/08/2021 08:15

When ops post a question giving basic information, get lots of feedback and questions in return but don't reply, even to say thank you, I always think its a journalist.

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