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Original poster

MIl and Fil have refused dinner invitation as we won't be able to have them the whole day...

59 replies

Quadrophenia · 13/11/2007 19:47

they are now going to go to sil's even though they haven't been invited there. Am really fecked off, decided to invite the in laws this year, it is our turn, however my sister will be spending xmas in town for the first time in years so we have accepted a tea invitation with my family. My mil doesn't want to mess around with taxis and toing and froing so won't be coming to ours for dinner, I have offered not to drink and then drive them later but no not good enough. I wouldn't mind but in the ten years I have known her she has never 'done' xmas herself, waits for everyone else and then moans about the arrangements.
Just to be clear the toing and froing involves at the most a ten minute car journey.

OP posts:
nowbringussomeJammypudding · 13/11/2007 20:01

Sorry to sound hard hearted, but I'd say if you're only inviting your in-laws because it's your turn (which is what your OP sounds like is the case) then I can't see why it's such a big deal and you're so fecked off. Had you already bought/ordered in large turkey etc? If so then maybe I could understand, but it's not like they've cancelled at the last minute, so presumably this won't be the case?. If I was you I'd say it's their loss and enjoy a nice relaxed time with your family.

dilbertina · 13/11/2007 20:03

to be honest sod them then! Their loss, and you'll be able to relax and not worry about being taxi driver....with divorced parents who can't be near each other christmas can tend to be bit tricky here too but to be honest as long as I'm with dh and children I try not to let the rest of it get to me.

MioMao · 13/11/2007 20:03

I would be pleased they're not coming!

But I know what you mean about relatives who wait for someone else to arrange everything (usually me) and then complain about this or that. It's extremely frustrating. Having problems with my own family at the moment for this very reason. Am very glad to be spending Christmas Day with just DH and DD this year!

CarGirl · 13/11/2007 20:06

sounds like it's perfect, you've invited them, they've declined - their loss.

LazyLinePainterJane · 13/11/2007 20:07

Can they not drive themselves?

Unfitmother · 13/11/2007 20:07

You've made the effort to invite them and they're not coming? Lucky you

mamazon · 13/11/2007 20:11

just think of it as an early christmas present lol

LittleBella · 13/11/2007 20:13

What are you complaining about?

Crack open the champagne!

idlingabout · 13/11/2007 20:14

Agree with last two posters. Also , you invited then this year therefore you don't have to invite them next year - it was their decision to decline.

tissy · 13/11/2007 20:16

How does SIL feel?

ChasingSquirrels · 13/11/2007 20:16

it is presumably a shame for the kids that they won't see them, but it sounds like no loss for you!

Heated · 13/11/2007 20:16

Took the ILs at their word that we didn't have to go to theirs for Xmas...

Both sets of parents experts at creating a sense of guilt but dh playing the obtuse son not reading the signals so we're having our 1st relaxed Christmas just us - bliss!

perpetualworrier · 13/11/2007 20:42

Just have a nice day at home and let it go.

4 years ago, when I had ds1 2 yrs and ds2 6 mths, I did a big family Christmas, my family, In-laws, SIL and her family plus her husband's parents, as he's an only child.

Christmas has always been an issue, with my parents being the most likely to invite everyone and also the most easy going when it wasn't their "turn" and MIL getting terribly upset if arrangements didn't suit but never doing it herself.

Christmas Day came, I did dinner for 12, missed my boys opening most of their pressies, MIL complianed I didn't talk to her enough - strangely becuase I only really spoke to people who were in the kitchen.

Few days later is my DH birthday and I invited them to lunch. She refused to speak to me all afternoon, even when spoken to, made a excuse to leave early and we haven't seen them since. My boys don't even know they have another set of grandparents, but that's another story.

It really bothers me how much pressure is put on one day to be perfect (like weddings).Enjoy the day however it goes and promise not to be like that towards your DIL. I've already decided I'm going to the Lakes for Christmas the fist year we're not invited to have Christmas with our sons. Can't wait

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 13/11/2007 20:51

I get all of your points regarding why I'm pissed off, I guess I didn't make myself clear ata ll . My dp is now expecting me not to see my family, he says it isn't fair on his sister. I don't see why I should compromise, the offer is there. It is causing big rows between me and dp, but with my sister being in town for xmas i really want to see my family too.

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Original poster
Quadrophenia · 13/11/2007 20:54

Perpetualworrier, that is awful, poor you. My mil is very difficult to please, and like you I do try, but there comes a point where you wonder why you bother, I only do it because my dp always sides with her and I'm stuck in a no win situation.

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 13/11/2007 20:54

ahhhhhhhhhh
well your dh sounds unreasonable (as do your inlaws) in all of this.

Hekete · 13/11/2007 20:55

well then, it's their tough luck. You could always tell your dp that you are not prepared to give on this and that he has the option of having Christmas with them while you spend time with your sister, but you are NOT going to miss the chance to see your sister because they are not prepared to be reasonable with you.

Sometimes you just need to put your foot down!

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 13/11/2007 21:03

I will put my foot down, but it means I will be made to feel guilty for a fair while, as apparently I, that is me, am inconveniencing, both my sil and her family and my mil and fil. How the hell did I become responsible for all these people? My dp doesn't get why you should spilt the day up, and doesn't understand why my sister can't pop in in the morning

OP posts:
perpetualworrier · 13/11/2007 21:04

Thanks Quad. To be honest it's because of DH we don't see them. I'd be prepared to make an effort because they're "family", but he's not prepared to have them treat his wife like that

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 13/11/2007 21:04

lazylinepainter jane, they can't drive themselves as an integral part of their day is drinking, i guess therein lies the problem. I am totally prepared to not drink and them drive them home/to sil's but they don't want to move half way through the day.

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Original poster
Quadrophenia · 13/11/2007 21:05

PW you dh sounds lovely

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LazyLinePainterJane · 13/11/2007 21:10

Ah right, Quad. Pathetic if you ask me, to rely on other people shipping you around and organising your whole day so you can have a drink!

Just enjoy them not being there

CarGirl · 13/11/2007 21:10

Quad I am really confused what does your dp think you should do - go and visit SIL as well as you are all together. Or is it tit for tat if I can't see my parents you can't see your sister??????

He needs a slap into reality - presumably usually you can't see you sister around Christmas time and this will only happen once every several years but what his parents want to do (and everyone else to do) takes precedence over everybody else?

crumpet · 13/11/2007 21:10

Why can't they stay at your house while you go to see your sister? It sounds like it'll only be for an hour or two

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 13/11/2007 21:14

cargirl, sil wouldn't invite us there, what he is proposing is that his parenst still come to us, but for the whole day, and we go back on our acceptance of tea with my family.

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