MIl and Fil have refused dinner invitation as we won't be able to have them the whole day...

[Quadrophenia]

they are now going to go to sil's even though they haven't been invited there. Am really fecked off, decided to invite the in laws this year, it is our turn, however my sister will be spending xmas in town for the first time in years so we have accepted a tea invitation with my family. My mil doesn't want to mess around with taxis and toing and froing so won't be coming to ours for dinner, I have offered not to drink and then drive them later but no not good enough. I wouldn't mind but in the ten years I have known her she has never 'done' xmas herself, waits for everyone else and then moans about the arrangements.
Just to be clear the toing and froing involves at the most a ten minute car journey.

oh and you are right he does need a slap.

crumpet, it means really that i couldn't just go and enjoy some time with my family and my children if i knew I had to get back home as they were waiting for us. It seems barmy when they live about 10 minutes away as does sil who would happily have them for tea.

why are you only going to your sister's for tea? SOund slike you are trying to make out you are pleasing everyone but not really making the day satisfactory for anyone.

I think the suggestion your sister could pop over in the morning is a reaosnable one. Or couldn't you spend more time with her on another day?

As I don't know any of the people involved, I may well be talking a load of nonsense. But to some extent it does sound as if you are trying to shoehorn in-laws out of it.

pointydog, it was our turn to do dinner for the in laws, i have absolutely no problem with this, i want to do dinner for them and have declined an invitation for dinner with my own family based on this. In an ideal world i would have everyone here for tea but we have four kids, a smallish house and a grumpy dp who would moan at my family coming whne his arents are here. Since my sister moved to london, i rarely see her and haven't spent xmas with her for a long time, would love to spend the whole day but am not prepared to drop my in laws just because she is coming. So i don't think my proposal to split the day is an unreasonable one?

I can see it from both sides. I know Christmas arrangements can be fraught and I do understand being pulled between what you really want to do and what you don't mind doing.

Just thought if you'd invited one set of people it would have been better all round to see others on a different day.

I do understand you feel peed off. I'm just being irritatingly objective

Does your dp not like your family then?

irritatingly objective is fine

I hate xmas arrangements, i really do, I feel a bit like my MIl is throwing her toys out of the pram because it doesn't suit her. Like i said she has said she will go to my sil's even though my sil hasn't invited her, she knows this will cause trouble. I just feel like she wants me to go along with what she wants, and if i thought I was being unreasonable or unaccomodating i would but i really don't think i am.

my dp doesn't like our families mixing, his mum gets drunk and can be a bit agressive. I can handle this but my dp is understandably a bit embaressed, oddly deep down he would rather spend it with my family, but he would feel incredibly guilty if we did. ohhhh its so fecking complicated, i wish i had a big house where i could sit people far enough away frome achother so i could invite everyone.

could you talk your SIL into having a prior engagement as well?

lol sil couldn't do it, last year she waited until a week before xmas and then caved in and invited them, despite wanting a quiet just her dh and kids type affair. Its all a bit sad really, mil can be a very difficult woman, her idea of a compliment is telling me I remind her of dawn french and then spending a whole evning calling me dawn even though she knows i am weight sensitive.
I guess at the route of this is that i'm loathed to not see my family to spend it with my mil who will end up upsetting me!!

perhaps suggest then that you go to your family this year for the day and you will have the IL's for 2 years running to make up for it - he can't grumble at that. Sounds like MIL wants to be queen bee - you could invite them for boxing day instead for the whole day and let them get frunk etc then.

she also told me once i'd lost wieght that i was a 'much nicer person for it'
lol

I have similar issues with my ils. What has been happening over the last few years is everyone comes to us on Boxing Day for the day and I we are expected to provide for their every need.
Last year was our first christmas with the three lo's [dd was not yet 1] but it was all assumed to be going ahead, so I we planned for the whole thing [food and drink etc] only for all of them to turn up a couple of hours late, and to leave hours early.
Now this suited me fine, although I was peeved at the the fact that I had been slaving away for thus day more than christmas day, but REALLY upset dh. [they left when his older bro left]
So this year with a 12 week old baby thrown in for good measure I have point blank refused to have them over at all, except for an hour slot on xmas eve, just like my father does.

lol at frunk, we could do that cargirl, I think I'll wait and see what her next move is. Keep the invite in place and just see what happens.

good for you twitmonster, it sounds like you have your hands full, congrats on number 4

they also refused to speak to me or any of my friends and family on our wedding day. Although in all fairness they did at least turn up [without card, camera and pressie
ah well, what goes around etc.

yeah, I think what I'm saying is it does kind of show that you don;t really want to accommodate mil and so there will be family disgruntlement.

I can't pretend there aren't issues Pointydog, and i do want them here for lunch but yes you are right the issues prevent me from going out of my way to accomodate them further.

and Dawn French is very pretty imo

she is

So it was already agreed that you'd have the ILs - you'd confirmed this with them already?

we asked them a few weeks back and they said they would, they came round yesterday whilst i was at work and this all came to light.

Well, I can understand their grievance tbh.

If you'd already asked them and they'd accepted and now have accepted something else at the same time without asking them how they feel first - it'd piss me off tbh.

thye knew about it in the first instance.

which first instance?

when my dp asked them for dinner, he explained that we would be spending the evening with my family.