Please give me with a pep talk before MIL arrives!

[howsoonisnow85]

I find my MIL really annoying, she is really over the top & dramatic & we basically have the complete opposite personality BUT she does mean well & she has only seen DD twice this year so is really excited for Christmas. Does anyone have any coping mechanisms for dealing with & spending alot of time with people they dont really like?

Drink?
Just keep yourself busy I suppose. 🤣

Keep your mind focused on the ‘means well’ thing and remember she brought up your husband. (Presuming he’s a decent man.)

Think of her happiness as your Christmas project and be kind. Give yourself a reward or two when she’s left.

Wine. Gin. Wine.

I would:

• Remind myself that it's only x amount of hours/days depending on how long she's coming for and focus on how happy her being there makes DP and DC (assuming they don't find her as annoying as you do!).

• Plan escape routes for when she gets too much - tidy the kitchen, have a long shower, go for a walk, phone a friend etc

• Have a treat planned for when she leaves so you have that to focus on eg long soak in the bath with a new book.

• Obviously I don't know your MIL, but maybe trying to understand why she is so over the top might help? Is she actually insecure and overcompensating? I mean she might just be naturally annoying but sometimes trying to be empathetic can help stop someone grating as much.

I actually have a two pronged coping strategy. A big glass of wine before she arrives and try and focus on the joy the grandchildren get from her being there.

Then wine top ups.

Also have a code to text a friend and she will call you half an hour later with an emergency. (You can leave the kids with MIL and go and hang with friend *and drink wine)

Pretend to be Louis Theroux making a documentary on annoying people and tell yourself she won't be here for long.

Take shifts.

My mum is coming and she's unbelievably hard work. Dominates everything. We take it in turns. DC1 will take her for a walk, I'll take her for a drive, DC2 will help her with her tech, DH will talk money with her. Meal times are all in.

Between us, we all get a break. We can play a game, or watch a film or get some peace while she is occupied by the others.

I hide in the kitchen. But in reality, I just focus on perfecting my hostess skills - smile, never complain, smile again.
I know she raise DH but thankfully that’s where the similarities end

She had suggested sleeping over ( she lives in same town) but we are in Scotland and that’s not advised now, so, Oh dear !

Be busy and ask for her help in taking care of kids while you do stuff (hide away and wrap presents!) so she can have lots of fun with the grandchildren she missed and you can avoid her.

I make myself busy so I can avoid being in the same room with them as much as possible

Think of a list of safe conversation topics you can bring up.

Resolve that you aren’t going to take anything she does personally. It’s not about you, it’s about her. Be friendly and polite and try not to get drawn into any drama.

My MIL is hard work (very critical of me, very loud, likes to talk and not listen) but it's my DH who gets wound up about seeing her. It's started already, he's been being a little bit short with us, he gets really anxious before she arrives, as he feels he always has to be on his guard waiting for her snarky comments. Anyway, I just wanted to sympathise. My thinking is she can only stay 25th-27th at the longest anyway.

You and the rest of us!

My tip is to spend hours on the loo reading endless MIL threads. That will kill some time!

With my Mum, I played Mum bingo. With my niece and my husband. However, for this, you need a good head, and a strong liver. . .

Wine and keeping busy I suppose lol. Take everything she says as a pinch of salt. I know what's easier said than done lol. Make sure you enjoy your Christmas too xx

I find wine and gin helpful!

Just smile and nod and tune her out like white noise.

I'd be very clear with your husband that he is the one who needs to deal with her and make sure her needs are met.

Try to schedule in some time for yourself outside the house (not so easy this year, I know). Would she watch the kids while you did a final dash to the supermarket? Could you meet a friend for a socially distanced walk or coffee, while she has quality time with your dh / dc?

I love my parents, but we don't agree politically, at all.
I am planning a lot of walks and a bingo card in my head. Luckily, they have acquired a (much-wanted and waited-for) puppy - a handy diversion.

My MIL used to follow me round the bloody house, once even into my bedroom as I tried to escape her for 5 minutes.