Spending Christmas at home with young children...

[FollowThatStarTonight]

The way things are working out this year with families, bubbles etc we're just going to be at home ourselves with 2 little ones (aged 2 and 4).

I know we're lucky and I should be looking forward to it and whatnot but I'm so used to big family gatherings, having loads of adults around to help with the kids, getting a chance to cook for hours sipping fizz while grandparents play with the wee ones etc... I'm just not sure what to expect just the four of us.

The kids are at really difficult stages just now and need quite full-on parenting. We try to keep ourselves as busy as possible with nursery, classes etc as days in the house can feel very long and end up with everyone feeling a bit stressed.

I'm probably worrying over nothing and like I say I know how lucky we are. I just can't help wondering if Christmas day might not be very enjoyable and the thought of 2.5 weeks of no nursery etc fills me with dread! Anyone else with little ones in the same boat?

Sorry, I'll go off and get a grip now...

I think it's quite sad that you don't enjoy, or look forward to spending time with your children.

Yes. That is definitely what the OP said. 🙄

I think it's quite sad that you don't enjoy, or look forward to spending time with your children.
They will be playing with their new toys, happy and having fun. It's these times you should cherish as they don't last long!

I think MN needs a sanctimoniousness filter.

I understand what you mean OP we've done a mixture of large family Christmases and ones where it's just been the 4 of us and I much prefer the big family ones, just the 4 of us can feel a bit flat. Especially this year when being in tier 3 can make every day feel the same. I'm still struggling to think of something we can do on the day to make it feel special (yes i know there will be presents, but it's that magic that comes from seeing family members you only normally see a few times a year due to distance that will be missing this year).

All i can suggest OP is a pack of bubbles in their stockings. Even if they're too young to blow their own, they'll enjoy catching them and bubbles can make a normal outdoor activity (walk round the block, play in the garden etc) just that bit more special.

I'm not going to suggest "lowering your expectations" but shift your thinking about the day. 2020 is very different from every other Christmas, so lean into it, and come up with a completely different day! Yes to slow release of presents, as it gives the kids time to play with each thing they open, have a fancy North Pole breakfast, then you don't necessarily have to spend hours in the kitchen-have a bbq, get a takeaway, just graze in finger foods all day. Stay in pjs all day, just bung a coat on top for your walk. What I'm saying is that the kids will probably remember this as the Christmas where everything was different-so turn it around and make it a positive difference instead of sitting around all day moaning that there aren't 20 people around the table.

@TheYearOfSmallThings well op said: the thought of 2.5 weeks of no nursery etc fills me with dread!

Clearly that isn't enjoying or looking forward to spending time with the children!
What I meant in my previous post was that I think it's sad (as in upsetting) that people don't want to spend time alone with their children.

I cherish the time with my dd and love it when she's on school holidays. Yes it can be hard, and even trying! But, on the whole I enjoy my child's company.

Perhaps, hopefully, instead of stressing and worrying about it the op can just enjoy the time with her children- I'm sure they will love spending more time with their parents.

@loutypips good for you.

I remember going to seminar at work about balancing work and family life and a dad waxing lyrical about how it gave his life meaning to spend half an hour with his daughter playing games every evening. It made me feel like such a failure - my autistic, speech delayed toddler had one puzzle that he did over and over, and a habit of biting his sibling or whoever else was near. He didn't eat, he didn't talk. It was really bloody hard to find joy in getting up at 5am and dealing with him and sibling for 14 hours straight. We didn't know he was autistic, I thought I was just a bit rubbish with him. Someone wading in and remarking it's sad I don't enjoy him and I should cherish him more... Unhelpful at best. Undermining, patronising and twisting the knife is probably more accurate.

If someone's finding it hard, they are finding it hard. OP is asking for help and ideas to make Christmas into something more positive for her and the children. Help, or scroll on by, don't use it as an opportunity to kick someone when they're down. It is hardly news that toddlers can be trying, no matter how much you love them.

Thanks to those who have understood and offered practical advice and reassurance. I like the advice of 'lean into it' which I've been trying to adopt in all aspects of my life over the past few months, and it definitely helps deal with this crazy year.

I think some posters have taken a bit of leap to think I somehow don't enjoy spending time with my children Missing family and friends we haven't seen for a YEAR, missing the routine of nursery, sports classes etc where my children thrive, missing a normal big Christmas with those we love, most activities being closed or ticketed, possibility of terrible weather and nothing indoors being open, knowing that at ages 2 and 4 a whole day in the house is not a 'chilling out' kind of experience, wanting to make Christmas special for 2 little ones who have been at home for the majority of the time since March, not even being able to leave the region we live in or visit a friend for coffee and a play, can't even go to church on Christmas morning... This is what I'm worried about, and I'm not alone judging by the responses. It's quite hurtful to suggest I somehow don't like spending time with my children.

Anyway, I have really turned a corner and am looking forward to it. Started wrapping some presents last night and I know the children will love them, can't wait for Christmas morning

My god, there are some vile twats on here at the moment. What is wrong with you? Plenty of people are used to large family christmases, and there’s nothing wrong with asking how to make it special when it’s just your immediate family. Nowhere did the OP say she didn’t enjoy spending time with her kids. Jesus Christ 🙄

There's a big difference between spending time with a school aged child who responds to things you do and even has some shared common interests that you can do together, and managing a toddler or a child with SEN where 90% of what you do is damage limitation and (for some) the rest of the time they are either playing on their own or mithering for screen time or annoying their sibling...
If you can actually spend an hour or more doing something that you also enjoy with your DC that isn't screen time, then try and remember the toddler days and also have some empathy for those with children with SEN.

Indeed, DrSpouse. Not to mention that most options for entertaining kids outside the house aren’t currently available. It is really hard having to entertain small children at home for weeks on end.

I think many of you have read my post wrong, maybe as I did when the op said she was dreading the 2 week holiday with the children. I dread the dentist, or having to go to my mums funeral. I don't associate the word with my child (even though she's a hormonal pre-teen that is grieving).

What I meant, was for the op to look at all the positive things and enjoying the little things that the children will enjoy and not concentrate on all the things that you may think will be hard.
Yes, Xmas will be hard. But it will be different for everyone. We just have to make the most of it. And don't put too much pressure on ourselves!

Op, have you checked with the church about going on Xmas day? Even tier three churches are open, but ours is taking bookings!

It can be a chill day if you want it to be (as much as a toddler will allow!) eat what you want- plan meals around the children and take their lead. I usually save sweets and chocolate gifts to be opened after dinner that way the temptation to eat them isn't there.

My DC are adults now but with one exception, we've always had Christmas just the 4 of us. It's nice OP honestly.

At toddler age we did stockings upstairs in our bed, we'd take turns to nip for a shower while the other helped with play and getting them a cup of milk and a brioche to help with happy tummies and change any nappies if required.

Someone would nip down and put all the christmas lights on and then we'd creep down to see presents.

Opening and playing would take a while and someone would nip and prepare a brunch of french toast or pancakes and bucks fizz for adults.

Get DC washed and dressed and play with them. Pop a movie on while preparing lunch. Then get out, no matter what the weather, a bracing walk or play with scooters or a bal or whatever outdoor toy they got.

Bac, finish of lunch and let them eat what they want and go and play/watch tv while adults finish/clear up. If they are old enough for a game then that, or we had things like nerf wars round the house as they got a little older etc.

Snuggle in for new story books in PJs and off to bed and adults chill out with nibbles anda movie. As they got older it would be nibbles and board games/movie for us all.

@loutypips

I think it's quite sad that you don't enjoy, or look forward to spending time with your children. They will be playing with their new toys, happy and having fun. It's these times you should cherish as they don't last long! Play with them - plan dinner etc around them. If there's two of you then you can take turns playing with them whilst the other is cooking.

I think it’s sad when people need to make themselves feel superior to others on the internet. Comments like this are why my DH often refers to Mumsnet (jokingly) as a den of vipers.

OP, just listen to the nice constructive advice and filter out the rest. I an hoping that in the spring when all this is over, my family and I can do a fake Christmas gathering together.

I understand. I really miss my wider family and am not looking forward to spending Christmas apart from them.

But the flip side is it's been an exhausting year, home-schooling whilst trying to hold down a job, worrying about health, redundancy etc. I'm just focusing on 10 days with no responsibilities other than my son. Dog walks, toys and Christmas telly will do me just fine....

I’ve found a FB group called “help what should I do today?” That’s aimed at activities for toddlers. I though a few families on this thread might find it helpful.