11yo boy who does nothing!

[Thedarksideofthemoon30]

Ds will literally sit in his room on his Xbox/phone all day if allowed. Iv bought him lego/science things in the past and he’s not been bothered with them.

He wants a Nintendo switch for Xmas

But I have absolutely no idea on little presents/stocking for him!

He loves pokemon snd collects them. He loves history and wants to be an Archaeologist.

Errrrr.... step 1 limit the screen time

I’d say an hour a day, two hours on a weekend is ample. Leaving loads of time for hobbies, reading, science kits, sports, walking, swimming, jigsaws, board games, baking, life skills, chatting etc.

Metal detector
National Geographic fossil or gemstone dig kit
Joke book
Hot chocolate stirrers
T-shirt from Illuminated Apparel
Super Mario money box www.truffleshuffle.co.uk/product/30399/nintendo-super-mario-scene-money-box
Beanie hat
Onesie
Mug cake kit
Guinness World Records gamer’s edition
Hair gel

It does sound like maybe you need to address the issue?

My 10 year old is the same. We have bought a telescope as he does show interest. And clothes. Other than that I'm completely lost!

You are completely right. I do need to limit screen time.

I tried yesterday and the moaning was ridiculous. He didn’t know what to do with himself. It made me so sad.

Op you don't need to justify yourself to others. You didn't come on here to ask for parenting tips

a surf class?
rock climbing/bouldering?

^ or something similar 'adrenaline' and active?

Set limits on screen time.

I tried yesterday and the moaning was ridiculous.

You prepare him beforehand, this is your slot for screen time, when it is time to come off there will be future consequences for moaning. First time he moans he gets a verbal warning, when he moans again a final verbal warning, then for anything moaning after that he loses X number of minutes off the next screen time. Record this somewhere so he can see it. Stick a piece of paper on the fridge. In this house if you moan about coming off, you don't go on. Yes, I do have teenage sons who are now 17 and 14, I have been through this.

Boredom is a great thing, he will find something to do. If not, he will just be with the thoughts in his head.

@OnTheBenchOfDoom did the screen time limit include tv as well?

I know this doesn't answer your present question, but it sounds like he needs some activities. I'm happy with my son playing on his computer as he has karate, dance and swimming activities over the weekend, so there is only so much time left for Switch playing.

My son loves the Switch, but also likes building games, board games, puzzles.

How about looking at Gravitrax, Thinkfun logic games, a coding based game or robot. If he loves Pokemon there is so much to buy - cards, books, Battle Academy game?

Active things for the garden? We bought a tennis net and rackets from Decathlon last Christmas and it's got a lot of use.

my teens are allowed one hour of gaming a day which I don't want to take away, as they play with their friends and chat about school and whatever they need to get off their chests.
in addition they watch an hour or 2 tv.

I insist on them doing chores (half an hour or so a day) and go outdoors to exercise for an hour on days they are not at school (blended learning here, some days they are taught remotely).

My dd has been the same since age 11 (now 16), wasted so much money buying her things that she hasn’t touched so this year I’m just buying her one main gift and her stocking full of tat/food. Don’t buy stuff for the sake of it.

My dd does get dragged out of her room, we go walking and she enjoys photography once I get her out, a couple years ago I bought her a DSLR camera for Christmas, last year she had a switch, this year she needs a ipad to do school work. Just buy him one main gift and save your money buying that he won’t use.

I’d get the switch and then a couple games for it and not much else for Christmas. Perhaps a subscription to World Archaeology magazine. Don’t waste money on things he won’t use or stupid stuff like toiletries.
I’ve in the past told my children that if they want a big expensive Christmas gift then they’re not getting a pile of gifts under the tree. They completely understand and have said they’re happier getting what they want even if it’s just one or two gifts than a pile of stuff they don’t really want.

Screen time, it’s up to you. I never limited it and my DC at first gorged themselves and then self limited. You don’t teach self control by doing all the controlling for them.

Does he like drawing or would he be interested in coding ?

I think by this age the little presents are of less interest - stocking can be mostly edibles and essentials (hot chocolate stirrer, favourite sweets, socks, pens etc.)

If he collects Pokemon cards you could go on eBay and get a couple of interesting rare ones and pop them in? Or get a display case to put some favourite ones on the wall.

Re screen time - I find working on my own screen time helps me with the kids because I understand better how and why I get sucked in and when it’s fine and when it’s not. I do find with my kids that there’s a ‘sweet spot’ of around 40min sessions, max three a day, where if I relax and go beyond that I get much bigger tantrums when they are told their time is up. I think it’s worth experimenting with limits to find ones that work for you both.

Also look into Catherine Price if you get motivated to read about this stuff - she wrote a book called How To Break Up With Your Phone which might have some useful ideas, but also is working on a book about fun - I’ve listened to a few interviews with her recently and it’s informed my ideas on screen time but also on Christmas presents and how to try and choose things that might actually help my kids have real fun rather than just the default things they distract themselves with ‘for fun’ which aren’t actually fun...

Screen time, it’s up to you. I never limited it and my DC at first gorged themselves and then self limited. You don’t teach self control by doing all the controlling for them.

I have one son who will self regulate, plays musical instruments he taught himself to play, learned to solve a rubix cube, enjoys being outside and cooking. The other one will game/screen time until his eyes bleed.

@Thedarksideofthemoon30 I divided stuff up, so screen time on a computer playing games, then screen time to watch whatever crap you like (usually someone playing the same game they have just quit off) and then other. As a family we try to watch tv shows together, so try to find a common ground. With Netflix, Amazon Prime, TV channels on catch up and YouTube there must be something.

Is he an only child though? Mine played chess, uno, poker, 21 together, as a family Forbidden Island (collaborative rather than a winner) Settlers of Catan, Castle Panic, Bananagrams, Shut the Box, Pass the Pig, Cash machine Monopoly, Game of Life, Pictionary, Pictureka.

I think this is all a balance, mine are high achievers at school, so probably have more screen time than others but homework and chores come first.

Has anyone sat with him to build lego or the science things?

Switch is great btw - we don’t have an Xbox so I can’t compare but we all really like the Switch in our house.

Metal detector? And an appropriate instruction book (I think there are rules regarding use)

If he wants to be an archaeologist in the uk, he’s likely going to need to learn to spend quite a bit of time outside. Possibly up to his oxters in mud.
So some walking boots & good waterproofs & a book on archaeological sites in the uk or local to you? Then force him out to use them.

There are some places you can go & volunteer with excavations (probably not just now)
Membership of the British museum?

They do find things to do when they’re off screens.

Ours crept up when schools were shut as we were trying to work and we’ve had a struggle to bring it back. We have a new timetable which we stick to.

I’ve also made a list of ideas of things they can do if they’re stuck for ideas. I also give them the option of helping with housework if they are bored. Oddly this option isn’t ever used.

There are really painful moments but overall it’s much better.

I’ve just realised you were arising for stocking things and a metal detector probably won’t fit!
Book on favourite historical period cooking and cuisine?

@Thedarksideofthemoon30

Ds will literally sit in his room on his Xbox/phone all day if allowed. Iv bought him lego/science things in the past and he’s not been bothered with them.

He wants a Nintendo switch for Xmas

But I have absolutely no idea on little presents/stocking for him!

He loves pokemon snd collects them. He loves history and wants to be an Archaeologist.

This is so sad. Of course he sits on an XBox. You let him. Think of all the skills he isn't learning, books he isn't reading. And I say this as a gamer. Funny - the more into gaming a parent is, the less they let their kids play. It's the non-gamers who seem to think if the kid's happy, let them sit there for ever.

Mine is the same age and still very much into construction kits, puzzles, Escape room games, and lots of books. It's not "too old" for toys if they're still into them.

Don’t listen to the people who micromanage their children’s lives on here OP, he’s interested in technology so buy him some games for his Xbox and the switch. He likes history so buy him some books about history. He doesn’t have to be Tarquin who does karate, basketball, fencing and cello lessons

Check out jurassic Jim on Facebook and give him a budget he would find out a selection of fossils that would fit in a stocking.
Some history books?

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@Curiositykilledthecat113

Don’t listen to the people who micromanage their children’s lives on here OP, he’s interested in technology so buy him some games for his Xbox and the switch. He likes history so buy him some books about history. He doesn’t have to be Tarquin who does karate, basketball, fencing and cello lessons

Sitting on the XBox all day isn't a gateway into "tech". You can't learn to create when all you do is consume.

Love it how kids who are capable of putting down the controller and reading a book are deemed 'Tarquins', and building with Lego is deemed akin to "fencing and cello."