11yo boy who does nothing!

[Thedarksideofthemoon30]

Ds will literally sit in his room on his Xbox/phone all day if allowed. Iv bought him lego/science things in the past and he’s not been bothered with them.

He wants a Nintendo switch for Xmas

But I have absolutely no idea on little presents/stocking for him!

He loves pokemon snd collects them. He loves history and wants to be an Archaeologist.

[Howmanysleepsnow]

Bloxxels? Ok, it’s tech/ gaming related but also creative and real life play.

[Puffthemagicdragongoestobed]

Oh gosh OP, my ten year old is exactly the same! We limit his screen time with an app, but it's a constant battle! He has mild autism and a real tendency to screen addiction. We do ask him to do his school work or another activity first and then he gets his screen time, but we have endless discussions and push back from him.
We haven't bought Xmas presents yet, but we are considering clothes, a Pokemon box, potentially a clock radio as he loves listening to the radio.
He does want a switch and a phone but it's not happening.
Agree, there are some judgmental comments on this thread.

[Coldhandscoldheart]

That’s unfortunate about the metal detector. I wonder if it’s worth looking on some metal detector forum places for advice.

[Jroseforever]

Light dumbbells
Basketball hoop for garden
Driving experience
Go karting experience

This is what I’ve got my 10 year old

[Jroseforever]

Oh don’t bother with the metal detectors OP

Unless you buy professional standard! And spend many £100s

Then they are all crap. Really

[Thedarksideofthemoon30]

He’s been asking for a metal detector all year so will be getting that. He got a telescope for his birthday last month that he loves.

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

You don’t have to justify anything. There’s some really judgemental people on this thread. You asked for ideas for Christmas presents not parenting. And people seem to have ignored the words in your OP ‘if allowed’. Nowhere do you say that he does sit in front of screens all day. My DS probably would too ‘if allowed’ but he’s not allowed so he doesn’t!

Hope the people who have offered ideas instead of judgement have been helpful.

[Isadora2007]

Just keep talking to him and see how he learns to adapt and make his own ideas arise from boredom. Boredom is a helpful emotion and he will get over it with some encouragement- just like you saw yesterday. We don’t limit as such but we do chat a lot about making good choices and the importance of Health and exercise as well as why too much screen time isn’t good for you. But some days DS(8) will spend more than he should. Others not. I totally agree with the PP who said children will never learn self control when being controlled all the time but I do add a lot of communication and discussion to that mix plus two way respect as well.

So Xmas- definitely ask him. I love the idea of a detector, or fossils and a fossil book to encourage getting out searching. A rubix cube? A bop-it game? Cards and a small card trick book? A harmonica. A bow and arrow set from decathlon isn’t stocking but is a good gardening game and it’s the archery set they use at the local sports centre with its own target etc.

[WWYD2020]

The continuous micro-dosing of dopamine from the screen time is stopping him enjoying other activities.

Not relevant for this Christmas but maybe the next one will be filled with more ‘hobbies/activities’ if you do limit screen time.

Good luck😊

[Thedarksideofthemoon30]

He came off his phone yesterday at lunch time without me even I asking him. I just mentioned that we should start limiting the time on it.

He went to the park with his best friend for 3 hours and then came home and did extra my maths. He then watched bake off with me and went on his phone until bedtime, so 6-8.

[jocktamsonsbairn]

@Cantthinkofausename

Op you don't need to justify yourself to others. You didn't come on here to ask for parenting tips

Exactly! It's a really tough time for kids at the moment and the only way they can stay in touch with and play with their mates outside of school is online. DS and his mates went through a similar phase and came out of it unscathed!
Try looking at companies like Menkind, IWOOT etc for ideas. You could get him a game like exploding kittens, Trumps fake news etc to encourage engagement with the family. I bought DD a set to toast marshmallows consider and out which I know she'll love. Are there any films etc he likes - lots of pop funk or whatever they're called and other merchandise.

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

My DS loves gaming and tech too (although does have other hobbies too). Would he be interested in a go pro type camera? My DS loves his and he films himself on his bike/scooter/skateboard/doing some other activity and is learning how to edit them and put them together to make a movie! He loves it and I figure it’s getting him doing other activities and he’s combining his love of tech and learning something too.

[Jroseforever]

Sorry this sounds really... earnest

But best present you can give him is to start effectively parenting him by sucking up the drama of when you restrict and actually imposing restrictions and limits.

From... now

[user1493494961]

I wouldn't be buying him the Switch.

[Duanphen]

@Curiositykilledthecat113

Don’t listen to the people who micromanage their children’s lives on here OP, he’s interested in technology so buy him some games for his Xbox and the switch. He likes history so buy him some books about history. He doesn’t have to be Tarquin who does karate, basketball, fencing and cello lessons

Sitting on the XBox all day isn't a gateway into "tech". You can't learn to create when all you do is consume.

Love it how kids who are capable of putting down the controller and reading a book are deemed 'Tarquins', and building with Lego is deemed akin to "fencing and cello."

[Boscoforever]

pOTENSIC MINI DRONE FOR KIDS, ON AMAZON. iTS ONLY £23 AND REALLY EASY TO USE AND FUN.

[Tiggles]

Check out jurassic Jim on Facebook and give him a budget he would find out a selection of fossils that would fit in a stocking.
Some history books?

[Curiositykilledthecat113]

Don’t listen to the people who micromanage their children’s lives on here OP, he’s interested in technology so buy him some games for his Xbox and the switch. He likes history so buy him some books about history. He doesn’t have to be Tarquin who does karate, basketball, fencing and cello lessons

[Duanphen]

@Thedarksideofthemoon30

Ds will literally sit in his room on his Xbox/phone all day if allowed. Iv bought him lego/science things in the past and he’s not been bothered with them.

He wants a Nintendo switch for Xmas

But I have absolutely no idea on little presents/stocking for him!

He loves pokemon snd collects them. He loves history and wants to be an Archaeologist.

This is so sad. Of course he sits on an XBox. You let him. Think of all the skills he isn't learning, books he isn't reading. And I say this as a gamer. Funny - the more into gaming a parent is, the less they let their kids play. It's the non-gamers who seem to think if the kid's happy, let them sit there for ever.

Mine is the same age and still very much into construction kits, puzzles, Escape room games, and lots of books. It's not "too old" for toys if they're still into them.

[Coldhandscoldheart]

I’ve just realised you were arising for stocking things and a metal detector probably won’t fit!
Book on favourite historical period cooking and cuisine?

[GreyishDays]

They do find things to do when they’re off screens.

Ours crept up when schools were shut as we were trying to work and we’ve had a struggle to bring it back. We have a new timetable which we stick to.

I’ve also made a list of ideas of things they can do if they’re stuck for ideas. I also give them the option of helping with housework if they are bored. Oddly this option isn’t ever used.

There are really painful moments but overall it’s much better.

[Coldhandscoldheart]

Metal detector? And an appropriate instruction book (I think there are rules regarding use)

If he wants to be an archaeologist in the uk, he’s likely going to need to learn to spend quite a bit of time outside. Possibly up to his oxters in mud.
So some walking boots & good waterproofs & a book on archaeological sites in the uk or local to you? Then force him out to use them.

There are some places you can go & volunteer with excavations (probably not just now)
Membership of the British museum?

[Callybrid]

Switch is great btw - we don’t have an Xbox so I can’t compare but we all really like the Switch in our house.

[OnTheBenchOfDoom]

Screen time, it’s up to you. I never limited it and my DC at first gorged themselves and then self limited. You don’t teach self control by doing all the controlling for them.

I have one son who will self regulate, plays musical instruments he taught himself to play, learned to solve a rubix cube, enjoys being outside and cooking. The other one will game/screen time until his eyes bleed.

@Thedarksideofthemoon30 I divided stuff up, so screen time on a computer playing games, then screen time to watch whatever crap you like (usually someone playing the same game they have just quit off) and then other. As a family we try to watch tv shows together, so try to find a common ground. With Netflix, Amazon Prime, TV channels on catch up and YouTube there must be something.

Is he an only child though? Mine played chess, uno, poker, 21 together, as a family Forbidden Island (collaborative rather than a winner) Settlers of Catan, Castle Panic, Bananagrams, Shut the Box, Pass the Pig, Cash machine Monopoly, Game of Life, Pictionary, Pictureka.

I think this is all a balance, mine are high achievers at school, so probably have more screen time than others but homework and chores come first.

Has anyone sat with him to build lego or the science things?

[Callybrid]

I think by this age the little presents are of less interest - stocking can be mostly edibles and essentials (hot chocolate stirrer, favourite sweets, socks, pens etc.)

If he collects Pokemon cards you could go on eBay and get a couple of interesting rare ones and pop them in? Or get a display case to put some favourite ones on the wall.

Re screen time - I find working on my own screen time helps me with the kids because I understand better how and why I get sucked in and when it’s fine and when it’s not. I do find with my kids that there’s a ‘sweet spot’ of around 40min sessions, max three a day, where if I relax and go beyond that I get much bigger tantrums when they are told their time is up. I think it’s worth experimenting with limits to find ones that work for you both.

Also look into Catherine Price if you get motivated to read about this stuff - she wrote a book called How To Break Up With Your Phone which might have some useful ideas, but also is working on a book about fun - I’ve listened to a few interviews with her recently and it’s informed my ideas on screen time but also on Christmas presents and how to try and choose things that might actually help my kids have real fun rather than just the default things they distract themselves with ‘for fun’ which aren’t actually fun...