DD doesn't like Christmas dinner

[JustaScratch]

We are spending Christmas with PiLs. MiL is very traditional housewife type who goes to loads of trouble and puts on a big spread, even though it's just three of us going plus her and FiL.

DD, age 6, while not a particularly fussy eater, doesn't enjoy anything in the traditional Christmas dinner (roasted meats, crispy potatoes, boiled veg). I'm trying to decide whether just to give her a small plate and ignore whether she doesn't eat any of it, or prepare her something else as surely she deserves to have food she likes on Christmas Day? Oh also, I am a vegetarian so I also won't be eating the turkey but MiL is doing it because it's what FiL wants.

I've volunteered to make breakfast which will be DDs favourite.

WWYD?

Definitely bring her food she will love or ask your MIL to make something that your DD would love. My MIL would bend over backwards to make sure my DD was catered for, especially on Christmas Day. If your MIL doesn't want too, just do it anyway!

I’d go with big breakfast, small plate and ignoring. Maybe bring a side (veggie?) dish that you both like as an offering.

I'd ask DH to explain to MIL that DD isn't a fan of Christmas dinner and that he'll be bringing a ready prepared alternative. Alternatively ensure she has a huge breakfast of all her favourites and then serve her a minuscule portion of lunch and excuse her from the table early to play.

Take her own food.
My DD doesn’t like puddings so she’ll be having a couple of frubes as her dessert. No one cares.

Take something she will enjoy. At that age my DD2 had pizza for christmas lunch as it was her favourite thing and it was easy to heat quickly. No point giving her food she won't eat.

Let her eat something she enjoys. I am not a fan of Christmas food either.

We can't really 'bring' another dish as we live overseas and they are meeting us at airport. They live in the middle of nowhere so I'd have to ask for a lift to supermarket on Christmas Eve. This is a possibility... I'd have to prep it in their small kitchen with MiL fussing around though...

Presumably your issue is that you don't want to offend MIL? Ask DH or do it yourself if you get on well to explain that while you appreciate all the trouble she goes to, your DD isn't used to a roast/doesn't like a roast ( who does a roast most weeks, honestly? Not me it's a treat) and you hope she won't mind if you provide x y z instead so she can sit at the table with the family which is the important bit. And explain that if you tame the pressure off DD she may try stuff anyway but if everyone is urging her she won't.

Let your mil know soon and give a couple of suggestions - one that can be cooked on the hob and one that can be done in oven so she can fit it around the cooking.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say just ignore if she doesn't eat it. But then I am very anti cooking several different meals to cater for children's whims - if DS doesn't like what I've prepared everyone for a meal then he gets toast! If she's getting her favourite breakfast then it won't kill her to sit through a lunch that she doesn't particularly like.

Can you give her some extra pigs in blankets and ignore the rest?!

I have a fussy DD who has never properly eaten Christmas lunch. She has a plate with a bit of everything but extra carrots and pigs in blankets which she will eat.

I’m going against the grain too...

I have 3 children’s who have all gone through various food dislikes/fussiness over the years and I would never suggest to someone that they make an alternative meal on Christmas because they might turn their nose up, 6 or not...

If your MIL puts on a spread, I’m presuming there will be pigs in blankets, roast veg, fresh veg, stuffing, meat gravy etc, just put a little bit of everything on her plate and let her eat what she wants.

Like a PP I have never entertained cooking different meals but it’s Christmas, there will be your special breakfast, tins of sweets, nuts, (maybe) nibbles and dessert, your DD won’t go hungry or be missing out on yummy foods.

Also (imo) 6 is a good age to encourage good table manners and suggest when someone goes to the effort of cooking you a nice meal you make an effort to eat what you can and not make a big fuss if it’s something you don’t particularly like.

Obviously I seem to be in the minority’s here but my 3 eat absolutely anything and everything now and have never had a Christmas ruined yet because I haven’t cooked them pizza on Christmas Day!!

My 3 year old won't eat a roast dinner. As we're eating at 3, I'm giving him lunch at his normal time, giving him some pigs in Blankets and Yorkshire puddings during dinner and I've got a mini pizza and cucumber sticks to give him later on if he's still hungry. Mainly because I know I will feel stressed during dinner if he's complaining

I think at 6 they’re old enough to understand the effort of Christmas lunch and not kick up a fuss?

Big breakfast, put things on her plate, she eats what she wants. This is what I do with my 3 year old.

Well, she can't not eat, can she?

My dd has sensory issues so will not eat much of it either, so she gets to decide what she would like to eat. That could be lasagna, nuggets, fish, etc.

I wouldn't go with ignoring, tbh. Children can struggle when hungry, and adults will them moan about "bad behavior"! Give her something you know she will eat!

Would you be happy if your MIL didn't cater for you and "gave you a small plate and ignored" whether you ate anything? No, so don't do it to a child.

Thank you all for your comments. It's not that I don't want to offend MiL, it's that I don't want her to go to extra trouble when she'll already be working super hard. I think I will get a lift to supermarket on 23rd and buy a few emergency back-ups that I can stick in the freezer, but otherwise encourage DD to just eat what she fancies and quietly leave anything she doesn't like (perhaps with the promise of her favourite ice cream for pudding). She will have her favourite breakfast after all, and plenty of chocolate all day. I, on the other hand, am very much looking forward to MiL's amazing roasties. I could just eat them and nothing else TBH!

@3littlemincemeatpies
Spot on

I’ve d be promoting good table manners.

I’m not a huge fan of roast dinners (I don’t like the feeling of feeling stuffed and there’s much better dishes out there/turkey is the worst meat).

However there’s a choice of different veg/Yorkshire’s/stuffing. Is there a potato that your DD prefers and could request? I don’t think it’s OTT to ask that your MIL does a portion of mash as DD loves it.

As I say to my kids “imagine you’ve spent hours cooking and decorating your favourite cake with lots of sprinkles/icing/sweets on top to give to someone and they say eww and don’t even try it, how would it make you feel?”

Could you ask your MIL to do one of your DD favourite veg?

I wouldn’t worry too much about the lunch. Big breakfast and something she likes in the evening, let her pick at her lunch and have ice cream for pudding. She’s not going to go hungry and trying to sort an extra meal out in someone else’s kitchen while they’re cooked Christmas dinner would be a nightmare.

I wouldn't do her a separate meal, there will be plenty of food to choose from throughout the day

My daughter is the same : least favourite meal is a roast, she and I hate turkey and only DH and FIL love a full roast turkey.
So for years daughter had mostly pigs in blankets - few children dislike those , would she eat them? If so ask MIL if she can pop a pack of them in her basket as they're your DD's favourite. We then coped with carrots, peas brocolli, roast potatoes etc and just a small strip of cut up turkey slice

Or if she eats raw carrot sticks, ask MIL to not cook her portion, we had this too.

My DD is 6 and I would absolutely expect her to fit in with everyone else at a family meal. Fine if she eats little and then tops up in the afternoon with a snack but from a whole Christmas spread I would expect her to manage some of the elements. Definitely old enough to understand good manners. When she was one/two it was slightly more difficult (I seem to remember she just chomped her way through Yorkshire puddings!)