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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

If you do the 4 present rule for your children.....

91 replies

Totallycluelessoverhere · 16/12/2019 14:56

If you do the 4 present rule for your children (something you want, need, to wear and to read) is that the only presents they will get or do they also get presents from other family members?

We have never done the 4 present thing but other than me and my husband the only person who buys for our kids is my mum and she usually buys clothes. I honestly can’t imagine my young kids just getting one toy on Christmas day but maybe 8 would feel differently if they received some from family or got toys regularly throughout the year

OP posts:

drspouse · 18/12/2019 09:52

I think the important thing is not to spend beyond your means

While obviously this is important, for us it's also important that our DCs don't expect mountains of presents, don't expect that the monetary value will be ridiculous, and don't get extra presents just for the sake of having lots to open. These are all good reasons to limit the number of items - it's wasteful, they get overwhelmed, and they get to expect presents for the sake of presents rather than things they will actually enjoy or actually need.

shinynewapplesonachristmastree · 18/12/2019 09:54

I had never heard of this until a few months ago on MN

We only have a small family and always bought a lot more than this for DS when he was younger- a 'main' toy present, some smaller toy presents then I would get things that were needs like pyjamas but with characters on so they would seem more present-like.

As long as you can afford it, and you know that your DC will enjoy the things you have bought I think sticking to such narrow guidelines is a bit mean.

PhantomErik · 18/12/2019 11:19

We don't do the 4 present rule because I didn't hear about until my dc were a bit older & I think it would be strange to introduce it.

If I'd heard about it before they were born or only babies then I think we'd be doing it.

I use the idea now when buying presents so they get a selection of toys & useful things like dressing gowns, arts & crafts sets, sports/dance equipment etc.

Father Christmas brings 1 large gift & a stocking.

drspouse · 18/12/2019 11:39

Mine have no idea that's what we do, they just know they get presents and they are varied in nature.
I don't happen to think it's good for children in general (but especially my children) to get too many presents. We have also asked non-family not to buy for our children and we don't buy for theirs.

Lweji · 18/12/2019 11:41

I only ever do the 1 present rule.

Need, wear and read (unfortunately less now) are on all year.

Sandsnake · 18/12/2019 11:43

We don’t do the four present rule, but certainly don’t go crazy with DS at Christmas. The amount of gifts that we buy him is definitely affected by the fact that we have a lot of family who will buy for him too.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 18/12/2019 11:47

I tend to buy my DC four presents to go under the tree (plus stocking) but I don’t follow that rhyme. I buy them four things that I know they want or know they will love. I also don’t like the idea of giving a child ‘something they need’ as a present. If they need it, as a parent you need to get it for them, but don’t pass it off as a present!

They also get generous presents from both set of grandparents as well as aunts and uncles so they have plenty on Christmas Day.

drspouse · 18/12/2019 11:58

I also don’t like the idea of giving a child ‘something they need’ as a present.

We put practical things like nice stuff for their rooms or cute plates and cups under this. But seriously, have you never given or been given "the musical instrument you need" or "a contribution towards your school trip" or "we know you're saving up for a new laptop so here's a chunk of money" as a Christmas present? I certainly had all of these as a child or teenager and for my own DCs things like bikes - they want them but they ALSO need them - are fairly typical Christmas presents, aren't they?
Or can we only buy things that are 100% frivolous?
What about families that can't afford BOTH the musical instrument AND all the toys the child wants?

Original poster

Totallycluelessoverhere · 18/12/2019 12:08

I agree that some presents can be needed as well as being nice and a luxury. My teenagers are getting, amongst other things, a laptop and some branded clothing. Those things are needed but my no means basic essentials. I think what this thread has proved is that the 4 rule saying means different things to different people. Because a lot of people do 4 presents from themselves but then an additional present and stocking from Father Christmas. A stocking can hold quite a lot of stuff so the child is getting more than just 4 items to open on Xmas morning. Whereas for others the 4 presents might include things from Santa.
Whatever everyone is doing I’m sure our children will all love their Christmas.

OP posts:

irregularegular · 18/12/2019 12:09

my rough formula has been for a while now (it was slightly less when they were younger)

main present (something they really want and I agree is a good idea - might be bike, phone if due that year)
frivolous present that I know they want and I might think is a bit daft...
a surprise that I really want to buy for them
something more useful (clothing, or something for room)
book (or two, or three, or four - wrapped together as one gift)

plus stocking bits, that are basically very small, though sneaking up in value as buy teen make-up etc rather than v cheap little toys.

and PJs on Xmas eve

The only other people who buy for them these days are my sisters. The ILs are from a different culture and don't buy Xmas presents. They don't have grandparents on my side.

I know it is less than many (most?) but they are more than happy and it doesn't dominate the whole of Xmas.

Money is not a constraint at all. It's just about what kind of day we like to have.

I have one (otherwise lovely) friend who does have a slightly annoying habit of semi-boasting that they buy their children next to nothing, and get them to buy themselves large items with their "own money". I do have to bite my tongue a little not to point out that they have loads of relatives who I am sure almost all give presents or cash...

IamPickleRick · 18/12/2019 12:12

I have never heard of this rhyme until today. We don’t have rules, we just buy things they’d like. They probably have about 10 each but only one big thing.

Marmite27 · 18/12/2019 12:16

Mine get 12. One for each of the days of Christmas.

Max budget for the lot was £100. But they’re 1 and 4. The 12 items may stand for future years, but I’m sure the budget won’t!

CoffeeChocolateWine · 18/12/2019 12:22

@drspouse, fair enough...maybe I need to widen the range on it as I wouldn’t have put a bike under the ‘something they need’ list but I see your point.

My DC are aged 11, 7 and 18 months so I’ve never given contributions towards laptops or trips. As as child I never received stuff like that either. I was given a piano when I was 10 but that definitely came under ‘something I want’...I still have it 30 years later and I teach now! The stuff i buy isn’t 100% frivolous...some things are useful without being something they need I guess. Perhaps I need to redefine ‘something they need’ as ‘something useful’!

drspouse · 18/12/2019 12:44

Whatever everyone is doing I’m sure our children will all love their Christmas.
Here's hoping!

@CoffeeChocolateWine - that's been my definition, though they do ALSO get pants and socks in their stockings (and apparently are quite happy about that).

Wheresthesandman · 18/12/2019 12:49

I always imagine the ‘something I need’ and ‘something to wear’ to be something useful or different, not something that they desperately need. If your child has completely outgrown their winter coat or their PE trainers (for example) then yes it would be miserly to get them new ones for Christmas. However an additional coat/jumper/pair of trainers/party dress is quite different. Likewise stuff that they ‘need’ could be nice toiletries or stationery or a new bedding set. My boyfriend’s daughters love bedding sets!

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 18/12/2019 12:57

@CoffeeChocolateWine - that's been my definition, though they do ALSO get pants and socks in their stockings (and apparently are quite happy about that).

Mine are teenagers now, and the tradition of pants / socks in their stockings has gone on so long now they’d be disappointed if they didn’t get them!
They have four presents each to open.. one main one, one which is pyjamas, calendars for their rooms, and one other. Plus stockings. But they’ll then go to their dads who have big extended families, so they’ll get a lot there too. I guess I could buy more if I wanted to, but I’d rather buy less, but stuff I know (hope!) they’ll love.

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