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Christmas

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Original poster

If you do the 4 present rule for your children.....

91 replies

Totallycluelessoverhere · 16/12/2019 14:56

If you do the 4 present rule for your children (something you want, need, to wear and to read) is that the only presents they will get or do they also get presents from other family members?

We have never done the 4 present thing but other than me and my husband the only person who buys for our kids is my mum and she usually buys clothes. I honestly can’t imagine my young kids just getting one toy on Christmas day but maybe 8 would feel differently if they received some from family or got toys regularly throughout the year Xmas Confused

OP posts:
Celebelly · 17/12/2019 13:34

I also hate that bloody rhyme. Can't articulate why, it just leaves me cold! We are Christmas maniacs here and probably go a bit overboard but we can afford it and we enjoy it so that's all that matters really! Everyone's situation is different.

thiscouldbethehill · 17/12/2019 13:46

This year my DC are getting a stocking from Santa and about 12/13 presents each from us, 2 will be quite big presents. They don’t get much from anyone else and there are useful and educational things in there like books and clothes that I would want them to have anyway. They also get a special present on Boxing Day! It’s a tradition we have had since ds 1 was very little, we do a treasure hunt on Boxing Day to find the last present, it’s lovely and keeps the magic going that little bit longer.

Sunshine1235 · 17/12/2019 14:04

We don’t do many presents but ours are only 2 and 3 so a bit too young to realise. They’re getting a road to share this Xmas, then I’ve got them a game each and some Pjs. Their stocking has a few cars each, bath crayons and a few other bits I know they’ll like. They have about 6 family members who will get them things, a mix of toys and useful things.

I do buy them things throughout the year though so for example they do both need bikes but I’m just going to get them in the spring when they’ll be able to use them a bit more.

shreddednips · 17/12/2019 16:29

Our DS is very little but we are aiming to do this, partly because we are short on funds but also because he will be getting gifts from other family members. We don't have a large family but I know that his grandma especially has got loads of presents for him, which is kind and generous of her. So we've got:

Want (had to guess what he would ask for by watching what he grabs): shape sorter bus

Need: chunky knife, fork and spoon

Wear: Tartan Christmas shirt

Read: that's not my donkey

I've also done him a little stocking of snacks, a few small toys (less than a fiver), a banana, new toothbrush, chunky crayons. He's probably too little to care about a stocking but I've been dreaming of having someone to make a stocking for for so many years, it's more for me tbh Blush

We'll probably try to stick to this roughly as he gets older- I had a reasonably modest pile as a child and never questioned it because it was what I had always known. The presents were carefully chosen and I didn't feel like I was missing out. If we were the only ones buying for him though, I expect we would buy more. To be honest, if we had more money I can imagine myself buying much more. The 4 gift idea is really to keep my spending in check.

Orangecake123 · 17/12/2019 17:03

Do what works for you. There is no set rule.For my own kids I'll stick with 4 presents.

Presents for my younger sisters:

Sister 1: Paddington on ice ticket, Box of lindt chocolate and £20 gift card.
Sister 2 : Paddington on ice ticket, Box of ferrero rochers.

I don't do presents for my parent's or brother.

Bansku19 · 17/12/2019 17:06

We have 4 times x rule. Loads of what they want, need, read whatever the last one was.

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 17/12/2019 17:08

I do a variant of this. This year it's 1 big present, 2-3 small presents, 2 books, pjs and a stocking. My kids get a lot from other relatives though. They're 8 and 10.

PleasantVille · 17/12/2019 17:12

Where are you getting it from that there's a rule?

What you've quoted is a little saying, it's most definitely not a rule. There are literally no rules about present buying although personally I think not going into debt is a wise thing to stick to.

Do what works for you, you don't need to justify it to anyone else.

LemonPrism · 17/12/2019 17:33

That sounds rubbish tbh - get them 4 toys, clothes and things they need are things you should be buying a child anyway not for Xmas.

LemonPrism · 17/12/2019 17:34

Although Tbf I think my mum has ruined Xmas for me as I'm a grown up and she still spends several hundreds on just me

TigerBreadAddict · 17/12/2019 17:37

We do a variation:
Something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read, something to make and something to play.
Plus a stocking and 1 big gift from Santa
And yes others give them gifts which they generally open over next few days as we catch up with people

Original poster
Totallycluelessoverhere · 17/12/2019 18:35

Perhaps ‘rule’ is the wrong description pleasantville but it was the only description I could think of at the time. Ifbir is a rule then I have well and truly broken it Xmas Grin

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Oblomov19 · 17/12/2019 18:37

I only do a few presents. Always have. Huge piles of presents make me wince, because I really don't like it.

CloudyVanilla · 17/12/2019 18:41

Gosh I agonize over this!

Mine are little, 4 and 2, and I constantly change my mind about what I feel is right for them.

I don't have many people who buy for them. It's only really my mum and sister who buy for them which is absolutely fine of course, but I do take it into account obviously.

My mum is great though, she is generous and will ask me what I would like to get them so I can essentially make them a list of stuff I actually want them to have and then split part of the cost. Which works much better than having to make sure I have bought everything on a wish list and then getting random stuff and potential duplicates which usually are wasted.

I decided, despite reading about how it's good for kids to not have too much stuff especially when they are little, that the 4 present rule was just a bit too stingy for me.

So each child has 5 toy presents from us, about 4 non toy presents including pajamas and books, and about 4 good and thoughtful presents from my mum. They will then get a present off my sister and possibly my brother that's another 2, and then a stocking from Father Christmas and potentially 1 main present from father christmas. I'm literally still deciding how to do the while santa thing. It may be that we do one main toy from mum and dad and then all other toys we buy are from Santa.

So all in all including all relatives that will give them about 15 presents to open each, plus a stocking. I think I would be happy dropping that down to 10, but I don't think I could go lower than that and feel happy.

Sorry I am thinking out loud a bit really Crown Blush

CloudyVanilla · 17/12/2019 18:43

@TigerBreadAddict I love that variation! That mix plus the Santa gifts sound absolutely perfect :)

AwdBovril · 17/12/2019 18:47

We do this in DD's stocking, which she gets when she wakes up. So there'll be various little things in there but it always includes items that fulfil the 4 criteria. So, we get a bit of peace until we're awake, breakfast is over, Christmas dinner is in the oven, we're dressed, etc. And then I try to keep this in mind when considering DD's presents, as well.

ChristmasSpiritsOnThRocksPleas · 17/12/2019 18:48

We buy things (including toys) as and when they are needed. Consequently we give children one you each for Christmas. They’ll probably get 2-4 more from family members. I don’t like the over commercialised type of Christmases with lists and piles of presents. Christmas is about spending time with family, gift giving us a very small part of that.

Spacerader · 18/12/2019 07:48

I really dislike this rhyme, that I have only ever heard off mums net. Buy your children what ever you want, and whatever you can afford.

Mine get far more than 4. I do find sometimes that it's a competition on mumsnet to buy the least. I get as much as I can afford, and trying to avoid tat.

sicasaparrot · 18/12/2019 08:01

My girls get loads (50 gifts from us, 20-30 from my mum and some large items from my Mil) but I don’t see it as excessive as not all items are huge (eg a £1 sketch book from the works, or ear muffs from home bargains). But they aren’t spoilt, they rarely ask for anything through the year, they don’t nag or pester me for anything really, I just like the fun of seeing them open their gifts. I love Christmas and everything about it, we have lots of different traditions, for me December is the best month of the year.

NotYourHun · 18/12/2019 08:10

DS is 15 months so he’s got a few Aldi wooden play sets, a couple of books, and then some secondhand stuff that my colleagues have passed over in the last couple of months and I have squirrelled away to wrap up for him (a ride on toy and a few cars etc.) So not strictly following the 4 present rule but I’ve been really mindful of sensible spending and not overdoing it. He will get a lot of presents from relatives so we’re going to have to do a big charity shop run of older stuff in the new year.

BiddyPop · 18/12/2019 08:17

Dd gets a well filled stocking but it includes things from each category - I tend to give books a lot to DCs and there are always a few useful things in the stocking as well as the fun stuff.

She has also got a larger present from Santa. There is a present from DH and I under the tree - which tends to be clothes. She gets a birthday present next day from us.

She also gets presents from others - grandparents, aunts and uncles etc. Some of these are separate Christmas and birthday presents, some are combined. Many are vouchers as she is hard to buy for and she happily gets sports gear combining them.

BiddyPop · 18/12/2019 08:18

We’ve been doing this long before I joined MN - my parents used to do it with all of us too (I’m well into my 40s).

Original poster
Totallycluelessoverhere · 18/12/2019 08:54

I had only heard it on mumsnet too space until last week when I overheard a woman asking her son (he looked about 10 years old) if he was sure he wanted a toiletry set for his ‘want’ present and that he couldn’t ask for anymore want presents if he chose that.
Maybe she was a mumsnetter Xmas Grin

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drspouse · 18/12/2019 09:09

We are doing this but it's mainly from us (and it's a bit fluid).
So something they want is a biggish toy that they will play with on the day (we have got DS a discontinued Lego Batman board game and DD a gear building motorbike set). But my DF has also got DS a Snap Circuits expansion kit under this heading, and DM was supposed to get DD a sewing kit except she got her lacing cards and DD is FIVE.

Both have asked for things from Santa but those will go in their stockings (DS wants a chocolate orange and an Eeyore soft toy and DD wants chocolate coins... that's all she ever asks for).

Something they need is something for their rooms (a lava lamp each), but my DM also got them cute plates and... hmm... I think I may have got them cute plates too.

Something to wear is matching tops for me and DS and a dress for DD.

And something to read is a book subscription though other family members have also bought books.

They also do get a lot from family and both get quite overwhelmed so we open them over a few days.

Napqueen1234 · 18/12/2019 09:20

Another one that finds that rhyme slightly depressing here Confused I think the important thing is not to spend beyond your means. We have one DD with a summer birthday and rarely buy her much other than Christmas and birthdays apart from clothes she needs so she has quite a lot of prezzies! A small stocking with socks etc, some clothes, toys etc from Father Christmas and a large present (Ikea kitchen) from me and DH. It looks like a big pile but it includes things she needs (new coat, socks, knickers, slippers) and to be honest children need toys! She’s getting a bit fed up of her toys she’s had for 6 months so we will rotate her new ones in and keep changing them up til her birthday. She’s not in any way spoilt and only asked Father Christmas for a Ben and holly toy and an umbrella so I don’t think we are doing too bad.