Struggling with small present pile guilt

[BillHadersNewWife]

Stupid I know...I went over board when my DC were small....they had massive piles as little children....now they're 15 and 11 and the things they want are much more expensive.

I've just gone through my list of what I have got and what I have to get still and I'm worried the piles will look miserable.

They will have about 10 gifts each...none of them are very big physically either so I am a bit worried.

Is there anything I can add which is big in size but not something that's just tat?

I thought of beach towels which they both love...and maybe a fleecy blanket...any other ideas please?

Hand on heart I have never posted a "pile of stuff" photo on FB and I never would. It's hideously tacky. For me, the reason behind wanting a large pile of gifts was the looks on my kids' faces when they saw them. Nothing more than that. No bragging or showing off here.

I have always done socks, pants, pillows and all sorts of stupid stuff, things your household needs.
But the balloon's have always been my top up.

Mateys and Hopping you both sound like insufferable snobs.

It's completely up to the individual...your "nobody should have" comment is ridiculous. You don't get to say what others get. You can have an opinion of course but that's all.

I posted in Christmas...not AIBU...I didn't expect to be told off...I don't think 10 gifts is excessive...I posted for a bit of a chat and to be told that it was a fine amount...I bet the people who are all "Oh that's DISGUSTING" about this are well off financially and can get their children everything they need all year round.

Well some of us can't.

Well 10 gifts IS plenty. Your DC will be absolutely over the moon that you have chosen 10 things that you know they really want and will use.

Extra stuff may have novelty value, or look impressive for 10mins on Xmas morning, but they don't need it to be happy.

@BillHadersNewWife

I completely agree, MN Christmas section seems to be a place for for all the miserable and joyless people to flock too and I’d much rather my crime was spoiling my children too much than going round judging strangers on how they celebrate and give at Christmas.

I’m having the exact same problem OP but it think it’s my youngest’s pile that is going to look a bit small. I’m going to hold of until I’m wrapped so I can judge it a bit better but I’ll probably twitch...

Some ideas that I used for bulkers, chilli style water bottle, lots of different versions going about.

A new (nice) bedding set

I have also bought a bubble tea set and an indoor toasting marshmallow kit that were fairly inexpensive but look decent and quite cool.

Oh bubble tea set! That sou D's great!

Some people are pretty miserable 😖

no one needs a pile surely more than 3 presents is a pile? What’s wrong with a pile wether it’s small or big?

I love a pile me 🤣. As the dd’s have got older the pile has got smaller, we used to have sacks which used to be over flowing, now all presents go under the tree (so one pile rather than individual piles) so although it’s a lot less it still looks like “a pile”.

Presents here have always included things the dc’s need, such as socks, pants, dressing gowns, slippers so things I would have to buy anyway. This year eldest dd wanted clothes, usually I would buy her a load of stuff from primark but as it’s Christmas I have bought her a designer hoodie and a few other bits, they will last well as she won’t grow much more now. She also needs new bras and because she’s big busted they don’t come cheap so she will be getting a decent bra and knicker set.

I don’t buy tat, there’s not really much tat you can buy a teenager, clothes, make up, smellies all get used, it’s not like buying a load of plastic toys that will end up broken in a week?

OP, ten presents is fine if it’s things they will like or use. If you want to buy more than do so (I probably will) but only if you find things they will love and use. I love spoiling my dc at Christmas, I save all year, I work hard so why shouldn’t I spend it on what I want?

Loads of presents for Christmas is quite crass. At least this year you’ll be having a more tasteful aesthetic. Silver linings.

Here's dd1's small pile, doesn't look like mich at all but has cost me around £150. She will have a stocking and a 2 presents from her dad.

Fluffy onesies, bedding/cushions/beanbags

One of those made selection boxes where you cut the sides of a large gift box and you stick all their favourite treats around the insides and fill the middle and add a pull ribbon on middle of lid so when you pull it off it falls open. Can be made cheaply, won’t hang around the house for long and has a bit of a wow/fun factor - some of them look amazing!

I do however agree 10 presents each is plenty but I’m also in the going overboard and regretting it brigade

I’m not a snob, I just think that worrying that 10 Christmas presents ( presumably plus more from family) is excessive and a “pile” certainly is.
It’s none of my business what people choose to buy but I think it’s awful when people are stressing that “the pile” isn’t big enough.
I have idea about anyone’s financial situation on here but too many people over spend at Christmas and then suffer for it all year and I think that talking about piles of presents contributes to that.

I have been quite surprised at the AIBU type of comments on the Christmas threads lately. Does it make the posters feel better I wonder if in their eyes they put 'someone in their place'. Anyway I wouldnt do small present in big box - I know my teenagers would feel disappointed even if it was a expensive item inside. Also balloons are costly and bit of a waste of money (plus the environmental issue). We live on the coast and my son spends a lot of the summer on the beach - so I have added beach things eg a cool beach towel - things he still needs and will use.

OP sorry if I sound like a snob. I don't know how you think that. I'm really not judging you. Each to his own. We all do things differently. But you are worried about the size of the pile and I'm saying don't worry, because I don't think size matters here. Whether it's 10 or 11 presents your kids will know you love them and you'll have a great Xmas regardless of the size of the pile.

I don't think 10 gifts is excessive at all, in real life most children (that I know) will get at least this amount.

OP - do your children get stockings? I think
If you do give stockings then that always adds to the excitement because everything in them is a surprise.

Ds2 is 17 and he has a coat, two T-shirts, a hoody, trainers, a dvd, wallet, big jar of Nutella, a fleece blanket and a lynx gift set.

Also agree with the suggestion that everything goes under the tree and take turns opening the presents, makes it last much longer and is much more fun.

I’m also shocked at the amount people are buying. Feeling like I Scrooge, I did a quick search on google and read a family’s Xmas expenditure should be no more than 1.5% of their gross monthly pay. I spend more than that but I suppose if people are getting £5K+ into their bank account every month, they can buy a lot more gifts.

Did you really mean 1.5%? On monthly pay of £2k (which is not far off the median salary), that would be £30.

We do Christmas on a fairly small scale, but the cost of Xmas dinner along exceeds £30.

I'm shocked the amount of people acting like OP is one of those "must make a massive pile of unnecessary crap" people, when she's quite clearly said, she doesn't want to just bulk it up with tat.

Some people just like to do that "oh my children are happy with a sock between them, how gluttonous and greedy you all are to need any more than that" Christmas martyr crap. Get over yourselves, you sound ridiculous, and don't appear anywhere other than Mumsnet.

Of course you're right OP, most kids have a bundle of upto 20 gifts, especially if stockings come into play. Your piles of 10 things are not (fake horror gasp ) unbelievably excessive, over the top, incredible overspending or much of the other tripe people have peddled on this thread, and every other thread like it.

Rowena just because you can do something it doesn’t mean you should

There’s a big gap between only giving the dc a lump of coal and 20 presents. If we have ours 20 presents each then with family presents too they would get around 30, to me that’s excessive.
I don’t judge anyone else doing it,I just don’t t think that people should be worried about “only” getting their kids 10 presents or get themselves into financial difficulties

Wrap them beautifully. Lovely boxes,bowed ribbons, berries, costume jewels etc.

Sometime so they can appreciate the cost of the gift inside and look fabulously Chrustmasy

10 each sounds fine. I think the fewer the more appreciation there is. Too many is just ‘stuff’. I remember when DD was small one year and we went a bit OTT. It just overwhelmed.

OP, I know exactly what you mean.

It's weird on here as there tends to be some competitive frugality while the grandparents are buying a pony.

Everyone does things differently and for many different reasons. Some people just don't have the money to be spending loads, other DC get a lot of gifts from other relatives, some get gifts throughout the year, others only at christmas and birthday.

Do what feels right and is affordable for you and your family.

Both DH and I came from very poor backgrounds, we both have great memories of christmas and got much less total gifts than you have. That said, we've always overcompensated and bought loads for our DSs, however they don't get from anyone else and we didn't buy outside birthday and christmas other than books or replacements for things such as burst balls etc.

As ours got older we bulked the pile with a pack of fizzy juice cans, big bags of popcorn and treat foods, swim towels, toiletries etc. So, not things that are just clutter, still treats and things they'd use and appreciate. DS2 still looks forward to a big bag of doritos and dip even though he could buy them for himself anytime.

Now they are adults (students) so it tends to be a crate of beer, new PJs and underwear. I still relish the best pleasure of Christmas day for me which was putting on a brand new pair of pants and socks - nothing in the world like it :o

Matey they do have stockings yes...things like makeup and hair accessories.

I meant to add...they don't get lots from relatives. Their gran on one side gives money which they love and their gran on the other side is unpredictable...sometimes she buys them things sometimes money. Aunts and Uncles don't bother.

LouiseBates who's talking about posting on Facebook? Not me. I never have.

A poster rolled up in a tube would be a "big" present. I would also go for other stuff for their bedrooms, such as cushions, bean bag, new bedding, dressing gown, pjs.
A scented candle in a box.
Jar of personalised Marmite - not seen them advertised this year, but I bought one last year. Jar of M&Ms/Crunchie/Galaxy chocolate spread, or Marshmallow Fluff.
Don't forget the selection box on top!