How do you decide where to spend Christmas each year?

[Barbarara]

We alternate between families, sometimes hosting, sometimes not. Dh would be miserable if we had it just by ourselves and considers Christmas a time for family. So ironically I pressure my family, who really aren’t bothered by Christmas, to come to ours every other year just so we won’t be alone and have to go to the in-laws every year.
Hosting them is fine, but I really don’t enjoy spending Christmas there but will have to suck it up this year.
Mil does a lovely Christmas and the dc and dh are already excited and it will be fine. I’d just rather stay home.

It's a tough one and cause of many fraught discussions. I love Christmas but I strongly dislike the pressure often attached.
Sorry not helpful, but I get you totally. I don't think you are a Grinch we all have our own ideas of what Christmas should be.
Thinking about it the one thing that has helped me is to have smaller enjoyable events in the run up to Christmas (it being more than one day and all of that).

Never been invited anywhere so we always spent it in our own house. We’ve hosted SIL and nieces every Boxing Day for 14 years never had an invite back either.

It is a tricky, I luckily/unluckily seem to work at least some of most Christmas days at the moment. This year I finish work at 9am on Christmas morning so I’m not driving anywhere. And we don’t have space for people to stay so it’s a simple decision for us! I’m quite looking forward to just being able to do what we want and not having to please anyone else.

If you and DH want different things, can't you alternate years between the two of you.

Be sociable when it's his turn to choose, stay at home for your turn. Simples.

Thanks @Beacauseisaidso and that reminds me that I wrote a list of little things I enjoy in December a few years ago so I must dig that out again.

@sweetkitty that sounds lovely to me, though I can see it could be wearing too. Would you like to be invited elsewhere? You can come to mine next year

My DP's parents live in New Zealand. As my parents live locally and have never in 30 years been to my house for food (that's another thread), we go to them.

Basically who wants t host the least hosts

It's usually chez FIL, but he's getting on a bit.

It's BIL's turn this year, no fucking way am I doing it

We have Christmas just the 4 of us. It’s bliss

@FinallyHere it’s not that I mind being sociable; I’d host the world and it’s mother happily. Or spend it alone just as happily. I don’t mind going to my mum’s because I can help. I know where everything is, etc. I know if she’d rather do something herself or wants a hand.
I think it’s the awkwardness of do I help/ do I not (neither is ever quite right), the weird jobs like being handed a pot of potatoes to mash with a fork or the bread knife to cut vegetables , feeling in the way, but also it’s not right if I’m not helping. My mil and I don’t have an easy relationship. We get along but we don’t get each other I suppose.

@luckygreeneyes

MIL comes to us for Christmas, has done for the past few years. So it’s me, DH, MIL and 2 DD’s. Christmas morning, after presents we go to my DM’s for breakfast, MIL comes too. I absolutely love it. It’s so relaxed and genuinely a lovely family time.

Before MIL came to us we would go to her, she lives around 2hrs drive, on a good day, from us and it was so stressful. Unfortunately her partner died a few years ago and that’s when she started to travel to us.

My dad lives in Canada and we have spent one with him since we’ve had the DD’s. Whilst it was lovely in the snow and we took them on the polar express which was amazing, it’s very stressful and not something we could do every year. Plus we had Christmases with DM and MIL before and DD1’s birthday on the 28th and it all became manic!

We try and just do what makes sense each year.

That said my DH is also one of those people who likes to have lots of people on Christmas day. One year it was just the two of us, I couldn't get any AL beyond the bank holidays and couldn't face sitting in a traffic jam for half of my time off. His retired parents couldn't be fucked to come to ours instead. DH said it was a crap Christmas so I don't know what we'll do if we're in that situation again.

Pin in a map and check the flight prices.

We thought we'd alternate but when ds was 2 my mother went so over the top ds didnt sleep until 5.30am on boxing day.

Never, ever again. Therafter we said they cd come to us. MIL and FIL did until 2007 and it's just been MIL since. Every. Single. Year. Except the one my father had cancer and I said I couldn't and she stropped. 2000.

Mother and step have never come step won't travel at Christmas. So I do a big family lunch the week before for them and his widowed sister and sil. and take the thursday and friday off to get ready

We stay at home. With parents divorced and remarried there's too many of them to see them all on Christmas day so we dont see any of them. Love it!

I look around our house and go “this’ll do”.

Most years we wait to see if BIL&SIL will invite PILs to theirs for Christmas. They’ve never yet done it in 12 years but maybe one day... and then I say “well we better ask them down” (sometimes on Christmas Day, sometimes afterwards).

My mum’s cooking isn’t very nice but once my dad is retired they’ll be able to travel for Christmas. I bet I’ll become default host then..

We just do whatever we feel like that year depending on what other people’s arrangements are.

So this year my sis and family are coming to us as their AL falls the right way and we haven’t had Xmas with them for about 4 years since my niece was 1.
Last year was just us as I’d only recently started working full time so was knackered and wanted to spend to chill time with DH and the kids (plus SIL had just moved abroad, MIL was having her partners kids and grandkids over) And my sis was working til 6pm Xmas eve so couldn’t come to us (3 hour drive)
The previous year we went down to MILs in Devon
Year before SIL and MIL came to us
Year before that SIL and MIL and my sis etc came to us.

I don't understand why your DH's views on Christmas outweigh yours? It sounds fair to me that you alternate years so both get to spend Christmas how you (or he) would like to every other year

We always spent Christmas with my family. We went to my mum's with my 5 siblings.
Inlaws had never invited us.
The year my dd1died in October i gave birth to Dd2 in December Christmas was cancelled in our house.
After Dd2 was born the Inlaws are more involved with us.
This year we are going to Inlaws, their Christmas is quite formal😦 it wouldn't be my choice but dd adores them and them her.
Since my mum died my siblings all do there own thing. We will visit them all in the morning then head over to Inlaws and stay the night.
I actually hate Christmas now, so don't really care what we do.
All my family are coming to mine for hogmanay.

Some years my dad visits briefly early in the morning, other years we've seen him a different day. We always go to my grandparents house for lunch, along with my mum, my brother and his partner. Then in the evening it varies- some years OHs family come to us, one year we all went to his brother's house, sometimes everyone goes to his mum, other years everyone goes to his dad. When DS was little we did a couple of years of going to my family for lunch, then OH's mum's house and then OH's dad's house. Chaos! Didn't enjoy it at all.

I love the idea of having a quiet day in, just the 4 of us. But I don't know when will be the last time my lovely Gran is able to cook for us all, she'll be 80 this year and although still very fit and well the time will come when it's too much for her... I'd hate to miss out last chance.

I think we do different things every year. We never got into the "turns" thing with family, although we probably have spent most christmases with one side or other. I think we've also spent 3 or 4 with close friends, which was nice also.

My dad's flat is too small for him to host.

My mum can't cook Christmas dinner confidently. Which is ridiculous because she's a perfectly competent cook. If we go there I wind up cooking because she invokes this pathetic persona which I never see in her any other time so that leaves me floundering around her poorly stocked kitchen/pantry.

In laws are fab but have funny ideas about food. There would be most of a Christmas dinner missing from them because it's not healthy but when they eat at ours they eat everything and FIL (the cook) eats like he's never been fed. It's really bizarre.

We hosted both sides last year. It was a fucking triumph but I have never been so exhausted in my life.

This year I think my DH will be working Christmas Day.

I am not doing this shit alone!!!

I have NO idea what we're doing this year. I need help!!!

Initial behind-the-scenes strategizing usually commences in May, with preliminary/preparatory manoeuvres occurring in July/August. The killer blow is generally struck by mid-September at the latest.

Officially, we rotate on a 3 yearly basis - my parents, his family, our house. But there are complications. Although Christmas with my whole family (siblings & their DC) is enjoyable, just with my parents is a bit grim so try to avoid that. This necessitates loss of sensitive information gathering about which siblings are going to which sets of parents before we show our hand.

I hate going to the ILs. Traveling there typically takes 7 hours each way and costs us hundreds. They then charge us another £50 a head (for food and drink) and give us crap presents while requesting expensive ones. We're allergic to their pets. Despite them bragging about how much there is to do where they live, all we ever do there is "chill" at their house or walk around the same muddy park. I've tried suggesting things but invariably they've already planned to do the interesting stuff with other people. Last time we went someone broke into our car. SIL is off her rocker. They never come to us.

I like having Christmas just the two of us at home. This year is technically an in-law year, but I'll be 37 weeks pregnant so tragically won't be up to traveling all that way. I was concerned that this would lead to us having to compensate by going there far too often in the future, complete with small child, but DH spontaneously mentioned wanting to have our DC's Christmases at home, so I will persevere.

That was cathartic.

Oh, and the in-laws claimed never to have heard of pigs in blankets and served them up raw in the middle

@Tableclothing
Sorry but that me laugh your Inlaws sound bonkers😂😂