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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

Mad at DH over present he’s bought!

83 replies

mrsdaz · 17/12/2018 22:52

Our ds is 9 and has been begging for an Xbox. DH and I agreed he was too young despite his class friends having computers etc.

We set a budget and I have been really careful to buy useful presents that will be used all year (animation studio kit and the like).

DH turns up with an Xbox one stating he thinks ds9 should have it so has got it for him and his siblings to share.

Am I being unreasonable to be slightly fuming! I feel like I can’t give all the gifts I’ve already bought as they will fade into insignificance against the mighty Xbox!!

OP posts:

Laiste · 18/12/2018 08:18

Learning to adhere to appropriate screen time is part of growing up these days. It's part of keeping your DCs life current.

When i was a kid we were always the last to have technology - not because we couldn't afford it, but because my parents somehow though colour TVs and video recorders (Yes i'm that old) were unnecessary and somehow bring our life crumbling down It was horrible constantly having to say no, we don't have one of those (what ever it was) to my peers.

TheSerenDipitY · 18/12/2018 08:20

my 10 year old loves his, he saved all his xmas money and birthday money and got it for himself, 2 xmases ago and last xmas he got himself a pc... he still goes outside and rides his bike and plays soccer and plays with the boy down the road every 2nd day and goes out on the farm with his dad and is also out working on a project car with his dad, they are restoring a old classic together... ( also saves for his own games and hand controllers etc) so they are not all evil life consuming games, they can be awesome on a rainy day, as theres not much we can do out on the farm playwise and as long as you have balance its all good

WilburforceRaven · 18/12/2018 08:20

I agree, Laiste.

SuperVeggie · 18/12/2018 08:23

I think lots of the replies here are missing the point. It doesn’t matter what the big ticket item was or whether other people think you’re right or wrong to not want your DS to have one. The point is that you agreed on not getting him one. Lots of posters seem to be implying that you forced DH into this decision and you are the mean boring one and he is the fun one who just wants their son to have a magical Xmas.

The main annoying bit for me would be all the time and thought and effort you have put into getting the rest of the presents. All of this could have been saved if you’d known he was just going to go back on your agreement and buy the Xbox anyway. I’m surprised by all the responses because I normally see posts with people moaning (rightly so) that their DHs do none of the grunt work of Xmas and all the planning and organising is left to the women even if they also work FT. I just think it goes back on something you agreed.

So no YANBU. But at this point you can either ask him to return it (reasonable, presuming you have already spent all your Xmas budget on other gifts) or have it as a family gift to share, maybe on Boxing Day?

cakecakecheese · 18/12/2018 08:23

I think it's reasonable to have an Xbox for the family to use, what's not reasonable is the way he just went out and bought one, knowing you had reservations, when he should have reopened the discussion.

ReanimatedSGB · 18/12/2018 08:24

OP, are you one of those whinyarses who think that screens are inherently evil and children's access to them must be a battleground? Or are you just a bit of a funsponge?

I'm with your H on this. Christmas, for kids anyway, is supposed to be about fun and pleasure, and getting the gift you really, really wanted is a big part of that.

haloumi · 18/12/2018 08:25

This sounds like a typical... "we agreed" .... "Well, I AGREED FOR US!" .....

Surely, the gifts (all of them) will be from BOTH of you? ....it's great that you can afford nice things... be grateful.?

TeenTimesTwo · 18/12/2018 08:25

Family present.
Everyone gets to use it.
You as parents can set the limits.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 18/12/2018 08:27

Make it a Boxing Day gift.
That way your thoughtful gifts will get the limelight they deserve.

I'd really cautious about the suggestions to give it on Boxing Day. For a start; you could set a bit of a precedent for an expensive gift the next day. But more importantly; it will "override" the presents they got the previous day then, because it's new and exciting.

Wrap it as a family gift. Put it under the tree. Do some of your gifts first; when you get to that one, let everyone help unwrap it and then put it to the side for "dad to set up later" or whatever. They'll get the excitement in a controlled manner.

Have a conversation at some point about however you and DH will manage time on it. A star system to earn time or a daily allowance or whatever. Be absolutely in agreement that you don't deviate from that.

Getting a games console won't mean he doesn't love the things that you've bought too; as long as you've bought things that you think he will like and not just things that you want him to like. An animation studio sounds like fun!

Original poster

mrsdaz · 18/12/2018 08:30

We talked a lot about it beforehand. I was happy for him to have one but DH thought it was too expensive for one child to have.

Ds is adamant he wants his own and not one to share by the way.

I came here asking for advice beforehand as has a ds who is 7 who would naturally want to play too.

I honestly don’t mind the console. We have an older ds whom DH wouldn’t let have said console until he was 14 by the way!

I appreciate times have changed and they have kindles that they play on so already have technology.

DH has never bought a Xmas present in his life! I even buy my own! So I was just surprised and annoyed by this impulse.

The other gifts are still things they want but naturally will be forgotten about once the Xbox comes out!

I wouldn’t have spent weeks agonising over getting good deals on other things if I’d have known about this!

Thanks for all the replies....love this forum!

OP posts:

Lovemusic33 · 18/12/2018 08:30

YABU, his ds too, he should be allowed to buy him a gift.

I’m not a fan of games consoles and this year dd is getting her first one at the age of 14 but tbh it’s no worse than her having a tablet with access to the internet. Tech is everywhere now and as long as it’s monitored I don’t see a huge issue. A games console will last for years unlike some of the plastic tat we buy that lasts a week or so.

I’m separated from my dc’s dad, he can buy them what ever they like and it has nothing to do with me, luckily he hasn’t got a clue what to buy so asks me for ideas but I wouldn’t stop him choosing a gift if he wanted too.

Laiste · 18/12/2018 08:31

Why?Why does one present being an xbox mean it's waste to put any thought into anything else?!

I think a lot of posters here are putting a games console on a ridiculously high pedestal. No wonder they're scared they'll take over their kids minds! It's just a bloomin games console. Not the end of family life as we know it :)

SoupDragon · 18/12/2018 08:31

I'm with your H on this

What, deceitful and underhand?

Laiste · 18/12/2018 08:33

Ds is adamant he wants his own and not one to share by the way.

That's a whole separate issue!

If your DS wont share then it has to be a 'family' present. If he doesn't want to play on a shared console then he deosn't have to. Pretty sure he will though :)

Bluntness100 · 18/12/2018 08:33

Well, as you were happy for him to have one, and it was him who had the objection, I'm unsure what you're problem is, or why you posted it was because he was too young, when really your husband thought it was too expensive.

Makes no sense.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 18/12/2018 08:37

if it is to be a family gift then have you got a separate tv/room to set it up in as otherwise you will never be able to watch a thing on tv!
....and it's not fair for it to go in someone's room if it is a Family Gift.

SuperVeggie · 18/12/2018 08:41

@Laiste because presumably DS9 now has a bunch of original presents plus an Xbox whereas DS7 only has the original pile. So she would need to not give some of the original gifts to DS9 if they want it to be roughly equal.

Also I thought there was a budget?! An Xbox is not just a little something extra. I know I couldn’t afford to suddenly spend an extra few hundred on Xmas gifts for one child!

SuperVeggie · 18/12/2018 08:46

Oh and for me this would be nothing to do with it being a games console, I don’t care about that bit at all. Also doesn’t seem like the OP is bothered and it was her DH who said no to consoles.

bethy15 · 18/12/2018 08:48

When I was young I would usually get a 'big' present, a playstation, cd player, some games console, but I would always have the thoughtful gifts too, s I don't understand why you think you've wasted your time.

I still loved the other gifts, and I always got my bigger present after dinner, as an extra surprise, so I had the whole morning and day to enjoy the other things.

Kids are not 2D, they enjoy more then one thing. He can't be on there all day, so when he's not, he'll enjoy his other gifts.

llangennith · 18/12/2018 08:52

I completely understand your annoyance OP but it's good that you're happy enough for DS9 to have the Xbox. He'll be thrilled, even if he won't be happy about sharing it! Make sure DH has bought a headset with microphone for when they play (Fortnite or Fifa 2019) with friends.
Your next conversation with DH should be about consistency and telling each other if one of you changes your mind about a decision you thought was agreed upon.

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 18/12/2018 08:53

Yabu for thinking your views should trump your husbands........it sounds like he agreed to pacify you.

Personally, i'd have gone for a switch but there's No reason the xbox should be a big deal, just choose games wisely.

Laiste · 18/12/2018 09:05

OK so if it's about spending the same on each child then make it a family gift.

I thought the thrust of the OP was about how thoughtful the gifts were though, not how much was spent.

We have never had more than one family room with a TV. My eldest is 25 and we had PS1 then 2 then 3 now 4. Our 4 year old plays with her sisters at weekends for a little while. The DDs were allowed ont the Playstation when the adults weren't using it watching the tv. I didn't allow TVs in bedrooms. We all got on fine. Still do.

Laiste · 18/12/2018 09:07

In the early noughties before we each had laptops or tablets and i phones it was a little bit more of an issue to have the TV hogged by a gamer. Not so much nowadays.

LucheroTena · 18/12/2018 09:08

YANBU, especially as it was HIM, not you, who scuppered you getting it in the first place. Can you hold it or some of the other gifts back for DSs birthday? Especially as it sounds as though he won’t be happy sharing it anyway.

NRPDad · 18/12/2018 09:18

Give him original gifts for Xmas and then on new year unleash the xbox as something new for the whole family? Not ideal in your DS eyes but you have already set up expectations that he will not be getting his own and I'm sure he'll appreciate having some access to it

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