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Original poster

Mad at DH over present he’s bought!

83 replies

mrsdaz · 17/12/2018 22:52

Our ds is 9 and has been begging for an Xbox. DH and I agreed he was too young despite his class friends having computers etc.

We set a budget and I have been really careful to buy useful presents that will be used all year (animation studio kit and the like).

DH turns up with an Xbox one stating he thinks ds9 should have it so has got it for him and his siblings to share.

Am I being unreasonable to be slightly fuming! I feel like I can’t give all the gifts I’ve already bought as they will fade into insignificance against the mighty Xbox!!

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 18/12/2018 07:14

If it’s becaaue you’ve put lots of effort into thinking and buying , I’d tell dh that’s his job next year.

apostropheuse · 18/12/2018 07:18

It sounds like you didn't actually come to the agreement you think you did and he certainly should have told you more clearly that he didn't agree. He's just as entitled to buy the family a present that he's chosen as you are to buy personal presents you've chosen. I'm sure your son will love his personal presents very much.

The wee one will be thrilled to uave wha5 his friends have, to ve able to join in when they're talking about tge games they play - recreating them in the playground etc.

Wait till you see his face!

anniehm · 18/12/2018 07:21

Yes I would be a bit annoyed but a machine to share is far better than giving one child one (with the arguments that causes)

Rudi44 · 18/12/2018 07:24

Sounds like you agreed no x box and are cross that DH didn’t follow your orders! He brought the thing your kid actually wanted rather than some worthy educational present that wasn’t asked for. I don’t see why an x box is such a big deal, it will make your DSs Christmas, if you can afford it I don’t see the problem and I actually think good on your DH. Animation studio sounds dull as you like.

cushioncuddle · 18/12/2018 07:26

It sounds like your decision for him to not have an XBox over rides his decision too have one.

So in my eyes you've done the same thing. You decided he was having X and Y your H decided he was having A.

Your H has just made your Sons's Christmas incredible as he's getting the one thing he wants.

Limit it's use and he'll be playing with his other toys too.

I actually think your H is right for your kids to share one but you two need to hear each other's views and learn to compromise not dictate to each other.

ritzbiscuits · 18/12/2018 07:32

Your son will be thrilled, so try to focus on that. I really don't see 9 as too young for a console, but I would be getting swotted up on the X Box Live settings to keep him safe.

Personally I wouldn't wait until Boxing Day to give it, but try to give your other presents first. I know it's annoying, but I'd potentially look to keep some back as birthday presents so he's not getting an over the top amount of stuff.

billybagpuss · 18/12/2018 07:35

Did your DH want an xbox too? We are all mostly kids at heart.

I like the idea of making it a family gift but how about holding onto it until after lunch so they get all the excitement of the other gifts in the morning then do the 'ooh I think we forgot one' thing as you bring out the pudding.

Set the expectations that he's not getting one way beforehand, you do want him acting up on Christmas morning.

bethy15 · 18/12/2018 07:36

I don't really understand your annoyance.

Christmas is once a year, and there are only so many you have as a child. Everyone's favourite childhood memories are of getting that one gift that you wanted above all else, I can still remember my Christmases and those special presents. You are annoyed your husband wants to give your son what he actually wants.

It seems small and petty to be annoyed about this. I had a playstation by nine and I loved it when Santa gave it to me.

Save it until last on the day and he'll get some use from your other gifts, but he's getting older, in a few years he won't even care what you get him, enjoy his childhood Christmas and see how happy he is when he gets this Xbox.

Kids don't care about useful presents at Christmas, they want what they want.

Raindancer411 · 18/12/2018 07:36

We have got our 6 year old a switch but he is having that on Boxing Day so he will have a lovely surprise but still enjoy his other gifts on Xmas day.

If it's did him and siblings then ifs a shared present. Don't make it to just be his alone as that will just escalate arguments over who is on it when

Raindancer411 · 18/12/2018 07:37

For not did, silly fone keeps changing my words

EtVoilaBrexit · 18/12/2018 07:40

YANBU you agreed s9meth)ne with your DH. No Xbox (whether itgerbpeoplemunderstand why is not, whether it’s a good decision is not here nor there).
He has gone back to his agreement with you. And THAT is an issue.

I suspect that you will also be the one who will have to Police the use of the Xbox etc....

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 18/12/2018 07:42

9 isn’t too young for an Xbox, I don’t think you did both agree btw. You told your oh that your DS shouldn’t get one, he nodded and made all the right noises but he definitely didn’t agree.
He’s got him a present that he wanted, Not the end of the world is it.

MrsFassy · 18/12/2018 07:44

When you say useful presents what sort of things are you talking about? Useful is fine to a degree but surely Christmas is about a bit of frivolity and having the things you really want, knowing you won't get them any other time? And just picture your son's face Christmas morning.

Also please don't hold them back and not give them to your son. Your husband says the X-Box is to be shared, a family present, so if you hold back his other gifts your son will have nothing of his own to open.

BeanBagLady · 18/12/2018 07:47

Your DH wants an x box Grin

I was very anti games consoles but we ended up with one, and we bought some family orientated games (Guitar Hero, SingStar, don’t think they are X Box games) and I sometimes played the various Lego Star Wars games with Ds, so it didn’t become a solitary black hole of leisure time.

Ds never became obsessed, we never set limits, he did his other activities, all was good.

Laiste · 18/12/2018 07:49

DD4 is 4 and loves minecrafting on PS4 (peaceful mode), or doing a little kids racing game with DH. She's allowed it for a couple of hours at weekends only.

I think you should should give it on boxing day if you're all home that day. It will be a great way to keep the xmas excitement going.

If your main concern is DH going against your wishes - well, you need to sit down and have a chat with him. But personally unless this is a theme running through the relationship, then i think you're making a mountain out of a molehill. Sorry.

PostmanBos · 18/12/2018 07:51

Yes I feel like your dh didn't really agree with the idea your ds is too young for the Xbox. I can understand if you are concerned it may turn into a battle to limit screen time and you will be the main one to be enforcing that.

Bluntness100 · 18/12/2018 07:53

I also don't understand your logic about nine being too young, it's the appropriatensss of the games you buy. And agree with the others, your husband clearly didn't align with you on not getting your son what he wanted for Xmas, or your logic behind it, as such he's taken control and bought one.

I think it's fine, but I'd try to understand my own thoughts on why you didn't want him to have it and if you basically tried to dictate to your husband.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 18/12/2018 08:00

Let’s face it the Xbox is for your DH. So it would be OK to return the thoughtful gifts you have selected for him wouldn’t it?

AlexaShutUp · 18/12/2018 08:00

As others have said, it doesn't sound like your DH did agree with you about the Xbox. Obviously, he should have made this clear. Nevertheless, his opinions are as valid as yours.

I do understand why you're annoyed because the communication should have been much better. I also understand why you don't really want your ds to have an Xbox. However, now that your DH has bought it, I think you should accept it and enjoy your son's reaction - he will be thrilled!

I'm sure it won't spoil his enjoyment of the other gifts that you have bought.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 18/12/2018 08:02

My dh has got an old PlayStation for my ds nearly 5! I'm not happy and I've said I'll be deciding the screen time (hardly any!) Ds is his child too though and I think I've got to suck it up on thus occasion as I do get my own way with most things

SoupDragon · 18/12/2018 08:06

I agree, this is a gift for him.

SoupDragon · 18/12/2018 08:07

As others have said, it doesn't sound like your DH did agree with you about the Xbox. Obviously, he should have made this clear. Nevertheless, his opinions are as valid as yours.

Nevertheless (a sadly underused word) they did agree and then he unilaterally decided to buy one anyway.

Racecardriver · 18/12/2018 08:08

I would divorce my husband if he came home with an x box (although I would give him the chance to return/burn it, I’m not completely unreasonable). That’s a line for me. I loathe them. I’m struggling a bit to understand why you are angry if you were considering one though.

WilburforceRaven · 18/12/2018 08:11

I don't get the 'no screens' angst. You just limit the time on them. 9 isn't too young.

Livingoncake · 18/12/2018 08:11

Sorry, I’m with your husband on this. I love receiving “useful” gifts, but that’s because I’m middle-aged. Your son is still so young, and Christmas for a lot of kids is that one big “treat” day of the year when they can get something they really, truly want, and probably couldn’t ask for at any other time (within reason, obviously). It’s the one day when parents can just indulge their kids and let them do nothing but enjoy themselves. We have an Xbox - there are plenty of games that are appropriate for primary-aged kids, and you can limit their playing time. I can absolutely see why your husband wants the kids to have such a fun gift for Christmas.

Now, from your OP I can’t tell whether your DH misunderstood your “agreement”, or whether he didn’t agree and is showing you that you’re not the boss, or whether he has a habit of going behind your back. You will need to clear the air with him over this and work out how to be more united going forward. But I hope you won’t make your son miss out on a magical Christmas just because the Xbox isn’t “useful”. I’m sure he will love what you’ve chosen for him as well.