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Original poster

Do you plate up or does everyone help themselves?

56 replies

AndThereSaw · 05/12/2018 14:14

and if everyone helps themselves do they do that from a dresser or do you put the dishes in the middle of the table to pass round?

I've always been a 'middle of the table' person. I've raised my DC with 'take as much as you know you will eat and try a tiny bit of everything' at most meal times and have never considered serving a big meal any other way.

My DM (18th Christmas in a row as a guest in my home) has said that 'people don't like it' and 'she only serves herself to be polite' and 'You aren't hosting properly if it isn't plated'.

My issues with my DM aside (honestly MN doesn't have the space) is there any truth in this pronouncement? If so, and you plate up for your guests, how do you keep it hot/cater for likes and dislikes etc while you do them all?

I don't have staff and have too many guests to be able to get round the table to silver-serve, which I was quite good at as a student back in the day and I suspect might be what she's after. I can't believe that after all these years she is making me doubt myself. Hmmm.

OP posts:
FadedRed · 05/12/2018 14:23

Maybe she could keep her opinions to herself “to be polite”.

MeetOnTheSIedge · 05/12/2018 14:23

All in the middle in serving dishes, the passing and offering of dishes is all part of the meal. We have a tiny rectangular table so we have square and rectangular dishes all in a line down the middle.

MissMalteser · 05/12/2018 14:25

Help yourself is definitely the best way! How on earth are you meant to know peoples likes/dislikes and appetite etc? Plus it keeps it warmer for longer in serving dishes and is less faff! Surely everyone (apart from your dm 😂 ) prefers it this way?

SimplyPut · 05/12/2018 14:25

In the middle and pass around here too. Everyone can plate up according to their own likes and needs. Plus any leftovers are usable!

Magicstar1 · 05/12/2018 14:25

All on the table and everyone helps themselves. If it's a smaller dinner I'd often plate up the meat and leave everything else on the table.

hazeyjane · 05/12/2018 14:27

Everything on the plate...not enough room in the kitchen or on the table for serve yourself!

RetiredNotExpired · 05/12/2018 14:27

I'll often plate up the meat element of a main course if it's a roast of some description or, if more than 4 people, have a 'designated carver' who carves at the table and plates. Veg/salad/rice/side dishes etc always go into the middle of the table. (Unless it's just me and DH )

My first MIL used to hate having a plated meal put in front of her on family occasions: she used to moan that she had too much of X and too little of Y. ( I think she just liked moaning ;))

snowflakealert · 05/12/2018 14:28

Turkey, stuffing and PIB on the plate, potatoes and veg etc in dishes. Our table isn't big enough to do it any other way.

BiddyPop · 05/12/2018 14:30

Whether it’s just us 3 (DH, DD12 and I) or massive dinners (up to 18+), dinners in my house, our neighbours (Irish, Greek and French houses), or my DPs house where I grew up, it’s always put in the middle to serve yourself.

Far less waste that way, everyone gets what they want, everyone small is encouraged to try everything (and often go back for more if they can control it themselves), second helpings are easier etc.

The only house where it’s plated up isn’t DPILs, and I’m always hungry afterwards, always given Swede even though I hate it, and DCs leave loads on their plates (lots of smallies not just our 1).

So I am not in favor of platong it all up - perhaps the first helping of meat and a potato or 2 to get everyone going but that would be it.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/12/2018 14:48

Our turkey is carved at the table, whoever is carving dishes it out, people help themselves to everything else - dishes are on the table. However I don't do the umpteen different veggies/sides some people seem to do.

Pigs in blankets, roast spuds and parsnips, carrots and sprouts, cranberry sauce and gravy - that's it. We wouldn't have room for anything more.
I don't like the idea of plating up, but by far the worst Christmas dinner practice I've ever heard of is cooking the turkey the day before and reheating slices in gravy. No, and thrice times no!

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 05/12/2018 14:58

I mostly serve due to lack of dishes for a roast but I'm hosting for the first time this year and will definitely put in middle to serve yourself may have to get borrow or steal bowls but it is the only way!

MrsJonesAndMe · 05/12/2018 15:11

We plate but it's due to space. If we had a bigger table it would be help yourself in the middle. She is being rude. Maybe she can host next year?

BiddyPop · 05/12/2018 15:19

Could you plate up her plate as you are getting things from the oven, and then leave the dishes for everyone else in the middle to serve themselves? Then at least she is "being served"! Xmas Grin

whispers that probably won't please her either, but at least you know you are having some fun with it and "trying" to please her!

Juanbablo · 05/12/2018 16:24

It all goes in the middle of the table and we serve ourselves/help DC's. It's part of the fun "pass the sprouts!"

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 05/12/2018 16:31

I plate but put extras in serving dishes on the table so everyone can help themselves to seconds of their favourites.

WhenDoISleep · 05/12/2018 16:40

Everything in various serving dishes in the middle, exactly like normal.

The only time I ever plate and serve is if we have something like fish / chicken breast / chops etc. where there is clearly an individual serving each. Plating directly from the cooking dish is just easier in that case. Also, if we have casserole / a slow cooked meal but in those cases I will plate up at the table, asking people how much they would like. In both scenarios all potatoes / rice / veg etc. will be in dishes on the table for people to help themselves to.

whoamitojudge · 05/12/2018 16:43

As she is at your house as a guest she should follow your rules/traditions,
Do what is best for you

HollowTalk · 05/12/2018 16:45

Can't you do it the way you always do, but say, "Mum, would you like me to do you a plate?" It gives her the option. To be quite honest, it sounds as though you have enough to do, but maybe she doesn't like helping herself as she feels she's eating too much/too little.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 05/12/2018 16:46

Most meals we put the dishes in the center and everything is passed round but with a big roast the dishes are put out in the kitchen and everyone helps themselves. There is no room on the table for all the sides so we have the gravy and the sauces (bread/cranberry/onion) on the table.

OnceUponAGiraffe · 05/12/2018 16:50

I thought this was a class thing but I may be wrong; just based on the fact that the working class side of the family would (and still do) plate up but the other side would have bowls in the middle of the table.

But I’m probably talking out of my bottom.

YoureAMeanOneMrGrinch · 05/12/2018 16:52

I'm from a plated up family and I much prefer it.

My husbands family are a middle of the table help yourself kinda family, and that's fine, but I always take less than I would like (don't worry I'm not serving myself a mountain), but take less so that there's more for everyone else and is polite, so I'm rarely stuffed afterwards. Plus, you can't eat straight away as you have to wait in turns to get the food you may like.

Arrowfanatic · 05/12/2018 17:00

Simply don't have the room (nor the dishes) to put stuff in the middle of the table for people to serve themselves. But I know everyone pretty well and what they can and can't manage to eat.

Rarfy · 05/12/2018 17:03

Help ourselves. All food on paste table and hostess trolley. Plenty to go round everyone.

Works well. Bit of a faff queing and squeezing back to seat but thats more to do with the room than anything else.

SnowyPaws5 · 05/12/2018 17:06

Always plate up. It means that all the dinners are served to the table at the same time and there's no faffing with everyone waiting to serve themselves.

Putting food into serving dishes creates more washing up and also more faff = food getting cold.

Original poster
AndThereSaw · 05/12/2018 17:10

How do you serve everyone at the same time if you plate up in the kitchen? I'm genuinely interested. Is the kitchen massive and do several of you go down the line of plates putting a dollop of each thing on like a production line?
If I plated up the first person would be finished before the last person got their dinner. Is there a technique to it?

OP posts:
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