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Christmas

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Original poster

No adults presents - works both ways?

68 replies

Gweipo · 10/11/2018 17:30

My Dad has told me he is no longer buying presents for adults as it is too much hassle. Fair enough, I agree with this as it is all getting too much. He is only buying for the young DC in the family.

However, he has told me what presents he wants off me and what I should buy for his girlfriend. This is going to come to about £100.

Now that I have thought about it I am a bit Hmm. I appreciate the presents he is buying my DC but they don't need anything. A chocolate Santa will suffice. Now we have had the difficult discussion about not buying adults, started by him, I am thinking that actually I don't want to buy adults either.

OP posts:
KingLooieCatz · 10/11/2018 17:35

He's not grasped the concept has he? We have gone no adult presents with our siblings - it deffos goes both ways!

MumGoneCrazy · 10/11/2018 17:37

Just send a message saying oh thought we wasn't doing adult presents this year but if we are I'll send you my list asap.

CaseStudyResearch · 10/11/2018 17:38

I'd get him a token chocolate Santa/selection box from the kids.

Angelkd · 10/11/2018 17:38

I would just say that your doing no adults this year and just get him a little gift from your child x

Bumbumtaloo · 10/11/2018 17:39

We don’t buy for any adult apart from grandparents, although they do still buy for us despite us saying not too. For us grandparents don’t count as ‘adults’. I must admit they don’t tell us what to buy for them though!

MumGoneCrazy · 10/11/2018 17:40

My family does a secret Santa every year between the adults so we all have one thing to open and have a set budget, it's set at £30 and it's usually alcohol or something funny or quirky they'd like. We use an app and set up wish lists.

Original poster
Gweipo · 10/11/2018 17:51

My brain is a bit muddled.

Since he is a GP should I be getting him what he wants?

He is buying my DC so it's like quid pro quo. It's like - he spends £100 on mine, I spend £100 on him and his DGF.

It is actually the GF present I am most pissed off with. If Christmas is for children (as he said to me), why am I buying for her?

OP posts:
checkingforballoons · 10/11/2018 17:55

I think in that situation I’d just give him and his GF something small from the children - maybe a nice box of chocolates and something they’ve made?

AvoidingDM · 10/11/2018 17:58

Works both ways in my book. Althougth I'd get a small thing under a tenner from the kids.
Just reply "I thought we weren't doing adults gifts this year?"

LettuceP · 10/11/2018 18:02

Yeah I would have said "oh I thought we arent doing adult presents this year?" too.

He is being a bit of a CF IMO, you don't buy presents for kids with the expectation of gifts from their parents in return, you buy them because you care about the kids and you want to.

Thewheelsarefallingoff · 10/11/2018 18:02

I was thinking about this issue and whether to buy for GPs. I came to the conclusion that those of us with DCs still buy for the same number of DCs as the GPs and actually spend more on our own DCs so GPs should be included in no adult presents.

HeyManIJustWantSomeMuesli · 10/11/2018 18:03

If he is buying for your DC, you should buy for HIS DC Wink

Original poster
Gweipo · 10/11/2018 18:06

OK so in this case it should still work both ways WRT adults.

I am very happy to buy him (and her) some token gifts e.g. chocs, edibles etc. but I think he is going to be upset if he doesn't get a massive present. TBH, I am really over buying adults gifts for £100 every bloody year. Whatever I spend on them, I can't spend on DC and DH.

All this chat about Christmas and TBH I don't even get to spend it with him because he chooses to go to her family EVERY year.

OP posts:
Thewheelsarefallingoff · 10/11/2018 18:09

We're doing secret santa for the adults, it works quite well; everyone's name goes in a hat & you pick a name each.

huggybear · 10/11/2018 18:10

If you were siblings then I would have said you should buy for adult sibling, if they buy for your children but he's their grandad so YADNBU.

Angelkd · 10/11/2018 18:14

Your dad shouldnt be asking for £100 worth of gifts. Some people dont even spend that on their children going by other posts. My dad always says dont get him, i get him calender of the kids, a nice gift set & £30 so he can get something he wants.my dad doesnt get me so my gifts to him are from the kids x

Angelkd · 10/11/2018 18:15

His gf i spend £15 ish and she never expects anything x

RussellTheRaven · 10/11/2018 18:28

We had a similar 'awkward' discussion last year. My DM sent me a text with the date of her DDog's birthday and what he'd like as a present.

I sent one back from my DCat with his birthday list and asked why she had never got him a present for the 8 birthdays before this one.

A reply came back very quickly suggesting we leave pets birthdays and not buy for them. She is very grabby with Xmas presents and has typically packed up her presents a filled the car by lunchtime on Xmas day, leaving straight after dessert to drive the 3 hrs back home again.

She doesn't buy for adults anyway and always gives DS £10 in a card. We typically spend £60ish on her, after receiving present requests beginning in August each year, and then she pisses of just as quickly as she can. One year I bought an oxfam toilet, she has never forgiven me.

Wallywobbles · 10/11/2018 18:35

We do Christmas for those present on the day. We have Christmas in both countries (live abroad). He goes to GF so no present.

AcrossthePond55 · 10/11/2018 18:36

IDK. I think I'd always buy my parents something even if they didn't buy for me. After all, they bought me gifts for years with no reciprocation when I was a child.

Exactly what is the 'hassle' for your dad? Can he no longer get to the shops easily? Is it a question of money? If it's either of those, I'd cut him some slack and still buy for him, but maybe not to the tune of £100. If he's just being a Scrooge, maybe it's time to start (as a pp suggested) a 'Secret Santa' for all the adults in the family with a £20 limit.

The only reason my mum stopped was when her dementia progressed and she no longer enjoyed gift buying. I used to take her out to buy the family gifts for as long as she got joy from the outing. When it began to upset her (crowds, making choices), I stopped. We carried on getting her little gifts for a couple years after that, but stopped when we realized she no longer understood that they were for her or what she was supposed to do with them.

figelnarage · 10/11/2018 19:03

If no adult gifts is the rule I agree with the pp's who say a token gift from DGC is enough.

Holidayshopping · 10/11/2018 19:22

Just reply and say-so, are we doing adult presents or not?

apostropheuse · 10/11/2018 20:42

We don't buy presents for adults, so I only buy for my grandchildren. I don't receive, or expect, any presents at Christmas.

I think YANBU.

Didiusfalco · 10/11/2018 20:52

That's ridiculous. Get him a token gift, but make it clear in advance what you are doing so there is not expectation.

Tiggles · 10/11/2018 21:00

My kids make presents for relatives.
If my relatives only give to the kids then only the kids give in return.
No adult presents means no adult presents!