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Original poster

what would you do?

78 replies

pinklemonade84 · 14/10/2018 16:37

Ok, I don’t really want this to come across as an in laws bashing thread, but I’m feeling a bit upset to be honest

Myself and dh have always made it clear that we wanted to buy dd’s first bikes and that we were planning to buy her a balance bike for her 3rd birthday in April.

We’ve been at the in laws today and fil has just come out and announced that he has bought a balance bike for dd for Christmas.

I’m feeling a bit upset because it’s something that we really wanted to buy for her and that fil has form for this, where he will go out and buy things that he knows someone else is going to be buying.

So now I’m not sure what to do. We were planning on buying her a wooden toy kitchen for Christmas, but do I now put that on hold because I can’t think of anything else as a big present for her to be honest.

What would others do in this situation?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 14/10/2018 16:40

You need to not tell him what you're getting for Christmas. Your little girl will play more with the kitchen than with the bike, tbh, especially if you get little teasets and things. And if it rains on Christmas Day, that bike is buggered!

iamapixiebutnotaniceone · 14/10/2018 16:40

Stop telling them what you are getting!
I had similar with my mum, im sure she thought that she was helping as far as my children were concerned but she would also buy everything for herself that I had expressed an interest in for myself. I had to just stop giving her the information

Ploppymoodypants · 14/10/2018 16:40

Hmmm, i probably would have said something like ‘oh dear PIL, me and DH have already bought her one for her 3rd brithday. What a shame she won’t need the one you bought her. Why don’t you take it back and buy her XYZ’.
And then chattered away about how big tickets presents should be from mum and dad.

Or can’t you just have a gentle chat with them about it? My mum and dad would totally understand.

Ploppymoodypants · 14/10/2018 16:41

Also agree, a not even 3 year old will much prefer the toy kitchen, over a bike. And DD won’t understand it is a big ticket present.

SputnikBear · 14/10/2018 16:41

Tell him he has to return the bike. Otherwise he’ll keep pulling this trick.

Nellyelora · 14/10/2018 16:44

A) say you've already bought one and can't return it - such a shame, they should return there one.

B) say 'great dd will have a bike at your house and our house - she's so lucky

C) suck it up this year and next year play it to your advantage. Tell them the expensive thing you want for dd and then you don't have to splash out because they'll buy it

D) speak to them and explain you are disappointed they have bought it as you had already told them that was your plan for her third birthday.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 14/10/2018 16:45

Sorry for the drip feed, the only reason he knew about the balance bike was because he wanted to buy one last year and we said she was too young and that we were planning on buying one for her 3rd birthday. It’s just something that we could see ourselves teaching her how to use it etc, kind of like a potential memory that we’d built up in our minds

OP posts:
MeanTangerine · 14/10/2018 16:48

Ww I do?

Say "oh thanks PIL, that's great". You can still teach her how to use it and have many happy memories with it.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 14/10/2018 16:52

I’ve not let on that it’s upset and annoyed me as I don’t want to come across as ungrateful

As far as I knew they were buying a doll and a pram, but found out today about the bike and a step on keyboard. We’ve only got a small house so I haven’t got a clue where everything is going to go 😂

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 14/10/2018 16:53

I think that would have annoyed me at the time, but now that my children are older I just think, "Hey, if he wants to spend the money..." and let him get on with it. Just don't tell him anything in future, when your child is older.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 14/10/2018 17:03

I’m consoling myself by heating up some tomato soup, putting national lampoons Christmas vacation on and searching for a lovely wooden kitchen for dd 😂

OP posts:
Nellyelora · 14/10/2018 17:43

Highly recommend Aldis wooden kitchen. Cheap, small and good quality. They usually have a range of wooden toys out just before xmas

WhyDontYouListen · 14/10/2018 17:43

If they buy noisy or large, (hideous plastic) toys, (like the step on keyboard), say 'thank you PIL, we'll keep this at your house for dd to play with when we visit. It will be much more special for her then'.

SixToEightInchesOfSnow · 15/10/2018 15:05

She’ll prefer the kitchen.
You can still teach her to ride the bike.
It’ll only rain on Christmas Day anyway so she won’t get to ride it —bitter experience—.

buscaution · 15/10/2018 15:17

It’s just something that we could see ourselves teaching her how to use it etc, kind of like a potential memory that we’d built up in our minds

Surely that will still happen regardless of who buys the bike? I always find these threads weird. Someone is giving your child a gift.

Ohyesiam · 15/10/2018 15:22

Am I reading it right that you will put the kitchen on hold now she’s getting a bike? Don’t uunderstand.

Balance bikes don’t take a lot of teaching, don’t worry about it.

Aprilislonggone · 15/10/2018 15:22

Tbh you are overrating a balance bike anyway. She won't need any help.
Whereas a toy kitchen is endless fun!

BertrandRussell · 15/10/2018 15:25

My fil appointed himself bike provider for his grandchildren. It was lovely- when they needed a new one they'd go out on a special trip with Granddad, have an unsuitable meal and go and choose. My adult dd is still riding the last one he got her-he died shortly after he bought it. Irrelevant-but a nice story. :)

ToastyFingers · 15/10/2018 15:27

What would I do?
I'd cheerfully accept the bike, leave it on the spare room to gather dust and give my own as planned in April.

To be honest, a balance bike won't have much longevity for a three year old, just refer to it as a 'little bike' or 'practice bike' then buy her a 'big girls bike' for the 4th birthday/christmas.

buscaution · 15/10/2018 15:31

What would I do?
I'd cheerfully accept the bike, leave it on the spare room to gather dust and give my own as planned in April.

That's really weird Confused

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 15/10/2018 16:14

@buscaution this is someone who went out and did this despite knowing full well that it was something we were planning to do for her birthday. It’s not the fact that it’s a gift, it’s the fact that once again he has chosen to do something like this

OP posts:
apostropheuse · 15/10/2018 16:15

Why would you have to put on hold buying a toy kitchen on account of someone else buying her a bike? That makes no sense.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 15/10/2018 16:17

I’m not going to let the balance bike gather dust, I’ll encourage her to get the use out of it. But, next year I will be buying her the bike early before he even starts thinking about Christmas

In our families it wasn’t the grandparents who bought our bikes, it was our parents. So with neither of my parents still being alive, it really is something special to me that I really want to do.

I’m not going to go back on my plan of getting the play kitchen. DD would have far too much enjoyment out of it. I’ll think of something for her birthday somehow Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 15/10/2018 16:20

And I know it probably seems weird all of this planning, it’s just that we don’t have a lot of spare money and I put a lot of thought into our plans for gifts to try and make the most of what we do have, to make things special for dd

OP posts:
stridesy · 15/10/2018 16:25

You will still be able to buy her her first big bike.After all she's still quite young and she'll need a new one in a couple of years as a balance bike won't last long.

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