Poncetastic 2017

[Annwithnoe]

Since there doesn't seem to be a poncetastic thread, and to avoid confusion with thread titles, would I be out of order to start this one?

First order of business, a toast to our dearly missed Fellatio Nelson, wherever she may be and a quote from her original thread:

^
"OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

^

Fluffy I don't like Christmas cake or pudding either which saddens me (and don't need to make them anyway because I don't host).

That's why I want to go all out on the hedgerow produce. I want things to make 12 weeks in advance dammit! Unfortunately I don't think double chocolate fudge cake improves if you keep it in a tin for 12 weeks and spoon brandy into it.

Any other advance food suggestions welcome!

DP doesn't like any dried fruit or cinnamon so I have to eat all the mince pies myself!

Damn, Hairspray! 😂

ooh and here are some decorations that i made in the last few years

My dad made the wooden robins, he sells them at local craft fairs I keep trying to get him to set up an etsy but he is having none of it!

Those robins are awesome!

Yours are very cute too. 😁

@Gherkinsnatch..I really want to make small cakes this year instead of one big one but not sure of timings and quantities for little tins. How did you do it?

@HairsprayBabe please force your dad into setting up an etsy page so I can buy a robin! They are beautiful!

I've found etsy extremely good - I've just hit 600 sales in just over a year , it's been fab!

I want to buy a robin too. My mother would love it

@dementedma I found a post on Pinterest yesterday for small individual cakes which looked great, however the best way I came across was how a friend does it - she bought one of the Lakeland tins you can divide up, so you put the 'slots' in and your normal mix, normal timings etc, but it creates however many smaller cakes you wish to have.

I really want to ponce but I’m essentially quite lazy. What are some amateur ponce moves that I could dabble in?

He makes all sorts of wooden things, has a pinterest board but I don't know how to link to it!

@dementedma I made up one load of Delia's Christmas cake recipe and divided it up between 7x sweetcorn tins (the 326g ones from Aldi). They took about an hour to cook at the normal temp, rather than the usual 4 hours.

They turned out really well - about 3" wide and 2.5" tall. Lining the tins was the most laborious part!

@Sparkletastic for amateur poncing I'd recommend trying out Nigella's chocolate pistachio fudge recipe. Dead easy to make and it keeps in the freezer, but everyone I've ever given it to has loved it - I change it slightly by adding dried cranberries and sometimes swap out the pistachios for mixed chopped nuts.

www.nigella.com/recipes/chocolate-pistachio-fudge

Also - making a pom pom garland! Kids can get involved, yarn can be bought cheaply and you can use colours that work with your colour scheme if you have one, or whatever you fancy. Like this sort of thing.

Blanket 'tile' one complete..... here you have boss eyed santa!

Thank you Gherkinsnatch (respect on the name) - you have judged my levels of energy perfectly and I will absolutely go for both of those suggestions! I love my Nigella Christmas book but have never made that recipe. Also have pompom obsessed DD so will enrol her in that one with me.

I may then move into some slightly more elaborate Christmas booze making activities as this is area of profound interest for me.

Ah, thanks for the tips

Stubble that is lovley, I'm hoping to use similar patterns to make Christmas cushions this year

Does anyone here pickle their own onions? I usually buy a few loads jars from my local farmers market and put them in hampers at Christmas but am wondering if it would be more poncetastic to make my own?

I am a pickler Baubles!

It is pretty easy and reasonably cheap if you already have the supplies I do a few versions, chilli, indian spices and festive spices!

If you want to make it more simple you can just by a pickling mix.

Sarsons (the vinegar company) have a few good recipes on their website that are a good starting point.

The basic principle is sterilise jars, prep produce, heat vinegar and sugar with seasonings, pack produce in jars and pour over the hot pickling liquor, seal jars and leave for at least 4 weeks!

I would ignore the timescales that the recipe suggests for best before as my dad did a load of pickled cauliflower four years years a go when he had a glut in his allotment and we have only just polished that off and it was lovely still!

I know it isn't proper poncing, but as I'm scrolling through various Pinterest boards (love you all) I'm noticing that I mainly pin candles.

I should observe therefore at this point that we use a lot of LED candles - hellbeast will-be-4yo and two athletic and curious cats mean real ones are out of the question. IKEA always have good realistic-enough candles at this time of year, in Christmassy colours, especially for those of us crushing on the Scandi aesthetic. They can also be left unattended or on windowledges behind curtains, etc etc which obviously one couldn't do with real candles.

These are on my shopping list for my next visit, so I can consider this kind of poncing.

Can I join, I'm on Maternity leave so have visions of preserving, baking and festive wreath making. The reality of a cruising 8 month old has hit!

for Badger and Mr Badger

Does anyone have a fig chutney/jam recipe they can recommend?

Merry October, festive Ponces.

I think I posted a couple of times on Fellatio's original thread, then wandered off, absent-mindedly.

I've made my mincemeat, dried my pine cones ready for scenting, and loaded up my Pinterest board.

I'm so glad this thread is still going: it warms my cockles to hear of your poncetastic plans.

Bit worried about newmum 'juggling cooking with the baby', though.

Thank you Hairspray. I have a day off tomorrow so will spend the day nosing online at recipes

I am not a very good poncer - I am sitting reading the Christmas board as though my blanket and cushions are just going to crochet themselves

Bah! I typed a mega message and it wouldn’t post!!

I am determined to ponce this year, however I will be 35 weeks pregnant by the time Christmas comes so I need something more in-advance than that!!

Currently have two Christmas cakes in the cupboard (wedding cake practices). Also have various damson and sloe gin/brandy/whisky with a small amount of damson jam but think that will likely eat inhaled before Christmas!

I’m pretty handy food/baking wise and can crochet less technical projects so I’d love some suggestions! I would like to mostly make presents this year so answers on a postcard would be good!!

Bought a Christmas mag today. Few ideas leapt out- a cute garland made wth little mittens (thinking they could be found in the pound shop?) and pom-poms to go on the mantle. Some really nice navy and gold table decorations (goes with my room colour scheme). Some little Kilner jar town scenes made with white paper and led tea lights- they were really simple and effective. I think I might make a couple to go on our front porch.,

I'm determined not to start too many craft projects this year, or at least not to start too many I won't finish! Already got a table cloth to hem, plus I'm hosting this year so also have the added expense of that.

I'm usually pretty poncetastic for Christmas but this year have just started a masters degree and have a deadline at the beginning of December and two dc birthdays to do before then too. However, undeterred I will attempt some poncetastic behaviour in the gaps.

I have decided that I am, wait for it, not going to make a Christmas cake this year. The dcs don't like it. I've found some gingerbread cake recipes instead and am thinking I might try that.

Also, dh's present is going to be some sort of wine subscription so that we can ponce all year round and pretend we know about wine. Huzzah!

Badger to you and prayers xxx