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Christmas

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Original poster

Christmas present dilemma - To buy or not to buy?

59 replies

TooMuchFamilyDrama · 18/07/2017 16:20

(I know this is months away but our families always start planning and buying in August so want to sort this asap)

Christmas is a really big 'hoo ha' every year in our family.
Things are a bit tight for us this year however as we're saving to buy a house and a couple of friends mentioned that their families only do presents for children at Christmas and get some nice cards for the adults.

These friends have children on all sides of their family though so it's pretty even but both DH and I have a sibling each, neither of them have children so I don't want it to come across like we expect without giving back.

This would be great for us though but I know both sides of the family would be unhappy as my mum and DH mum both expect good gifts and get very upset if they aren't good enough 😒

WIBU to suggest we're only buying presents for our DS and that we don't expect any from anyone else?

(The thing is that they will still probably buy him things, they are very materialistic and it's like a crazy competition to be the best between the four grandparents!)

OP posts:
Original poster
TooMuchFamilyDrama · 18/07/2017 16:37

NB: WIBU to suggest we're only buying presents for our DS and that we don't expect any for him or us from anyone else?

He's only 3 and wouldn't notice yet.

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 18/07/2017 16:43

Have never gone in for the annual present-fest. Life is so much easier. (We don't buy for anyone in DH's family, adult or child. We buy a few small bits for DD but really don't make a big deal about Xmas at all. We do a secret santa in my family so just one £20 gift to buy.)

But then Xmas for me is about food and time together, so we do it when we can get people together rather than doing stuff on 25th Dec.

TittyGolightly · 18/07/2017 16:43

Our DD is 6.

saoirse31 · 18/07/2017 16:44

If you're only ones with kids, you can't seriously say, let's only buy for the kids. However, why not say let's restrict all presents to a fiver or tenner or whatever....

CiderwithBuda · 18/07/2017 16:44

They sound quite grabby really.

I would tell everyone that as you are saving hard you are keeping Christmas very low key. You could suggest that everyone keeps to a budget of say £10 per person. You could hand make some gifts. Make up little hampers.

There are usually lots of ideas for cheap xmas presents on the xmas threads. Fab bargain threads n the xmas topic that run all year I think.

OwlinaTree · 18/07/2017 16:48

Your parents and pil will probably want to buy for their grandson though, it's one of the joys of life!

Could you do a secret santa between all adults who will be there on Xmas day and get something really decent for round £30 or whatever you all agree? You could all do amazon wish lists so people get something they like.

coddiwomple · 18/07/2017 16:49

You cannot say to only buy presents for kids when you are the only ones to have kids!

You can however ask for a set limited budget per family. Much easier for everybody.

Okapoka · 18/07/2017 16:52

Sounds absolutely fine to me.

I think the whole Christmas gift-fest is OTT and can go as far as ruining it. I personally wouldn't mention money - just simply state what you have decided maybe add on birthdays as normal? We've slowly moved away from swapping gifts at Christmas but still happily give birthday present - Christmas is SO much nicer now.

specialsubject · 18/07/2017 16:54

Don't suggest , state. Tell them it is roof, food ,insurance , travel etc or sparkly tat, and so you have decided that sparkly tat is less important.

Tell them just cards.

BTW in this family the child free give presents to the kids, and don't expect adult present exchange. Can't stand crappy toiletries sets anyway!

Crabbo · 18/07/2017 16:57

That's exactly what we're doing this year. The past couple of years we have put a £50 per person limit on presents but this year we are saying we're not buying for any adults and don't want anything in return either. We are the only ones with dc (a 2 yr old and there will be a new baby by Christmas), they are welcome to by presents for her if they like but will definitely not be obliged to. We haven't told family yet but I don't think they'll mind.

DiamondShine · 18/07/2017 17:03

I come from a big family who all meet up Christmas morning. To save us all money, we buy for close family (mum, dad, sisters etc) I don't buy for one of my brothers as I would rather spend money on my nieces. We also do a secret Santa for the rest of family rather than buy every single person a gift and it works well. It also has a limit of £80 per family.

I picked out the hat my aunt, her husband and my cousin last year. Bought them a wine tasting session at a vineyard with lunch and my cousin alcohol.

Would rather buy nice gifts for a small few than cheap crap for everyone that will get shoved in a drawer

Soubriquet · 18/07/2017 17:03

We've done presents for kids only the last couple of years.

This year, after my sister has not bought my children birthday or Christmas presents the last two years, I'm not even doing that.

I'm buying my children and that is it

bimbobaggins · 18/07/2017 17:03

Why don't you suggest a secret santa with a set price? If this doesn't go down well politely inform them what you have chosen to do. If they aren't happy then so be it, don't bow to the pressure. The more people that say to me not to buy presents the better as far as I'm concerned!
Ps do you know there is a specific Christmas topic with Christmas chat 365 days a year

Iikkiilloo · 18/07/2017 17:13

Just tell everyone that you want to spend less and suggest a £25 (or whatever) limit 'per family' and that you are happy for them to just buy for your DC.

You can't possibly suggest buying just for kids if you are the only ones with a kid 😂

Ginslinger · 18/07/2017 17:15

we do secret santa and it works very well -

Bobbybobbins · 18/07/2017 17:16

Agree that secret Santa is a good compromise. All adult names in a hat, everyone buys one adult a present value up to £20 or whatever.

MsHarry · 18/07/2017 17:22

We only buy presents for the children in our families and presents for our parents but that's usually a joint present like theatre tickets for similar. Everyone is happy with this, Christmas for us is about getting together for food, drinks and games and walks with dogs and children. an alternative could be a family secret santa. Then everyone gets one very nice present, you could set the budget at whatever you want but you could have one nice gift to the value of say £50 rather than 5 gifts of bubble bath, socks etc!

SafeToCross · 18/07/2017 17:24

Why don't you suggest a modest exchange of a gift for each family (or if they would prefer to buy something for your dc, they could do that, while you get a little something for them). I suggested the presents only for kids thing years ago and everyone enthusiastically agreed. A few token adult gifts have crept it, but it keeps the fuss and expense down.

Justhadmyhaircut · 18/07/2017 17:25

How about a household cost. .
So maybe £25 to cover their housebd presents however many that includes. And the spend same back.

wheatchief · 18/07/2017 17:33

Personally I'd rather spend money on a secret santa than cards but in my family we've never gone in for big fancy cards, any Christmas cards come from a multipack, for friends or family. I'd rather you bought me nothing at all than one of those fancy cards!

That aside, I think it's fine though like others I don't think you can do the just for kids thing. I'd do nothing at all or like others have suggested a decent secret santa for anyone there on the day (I also can't abide secret santa where the limit is so low you end up with tat because people want it to look like they've given you a lot so buy whatever is cheap. Again I'd rather nothing than something that'll get chucked).

pasturesgreen · 18/07/2017 17:39

Another one who'd go down the Secret Santa route. I expect the grandparents would want to buy for your DS, no harm in that, I think it's rather sweet.

But YABU for mentioning Christmas in July!

CbeebiesAddict · 18/07/2017 17:49

Sounds as though secret Santa would work best for you. However let grandparents buy stuff for their grandchildren, if I have grandchildren buying them Christmas presents will be such a joy.

Floralnomad · 18/07/2017 17:53

Just tell them that it's too expensive and you'd like to suggest a budget limit , that's what we do . Some people don't stick to it , some people don't stick to it for only certain people but it works generally .

peterpancollar · 18/07/2017 18:09

Secret Santa for adults on DH's side of the family so every adult only has to buy/receives one gift. Started off originally with a limit of £25 but now that it's deemed a success, the limit has been raised to £50. Everyone is allowed to make a short wish list so they actually get something that they actually want - so much easier! Only 4 children on that side of the family and generally, the presents are modest and capped at around £20.

Maryann1975 · 18/07/2017 18:19

To those saying put a price limit on the presents: you spend £25 on me, I spend £25 on you. I can not afford the £25. Who wins in this? The £25 hasn't paid my bills, bought food for the table and is probably something I don't actually need. On the other hand, if we did away with the present buying, I could have used the £25 for something useful. Christmas presents are the biggest waste, both of money and resources that I can think off.
Tell your relatives that you are trying really hard to save for a house and your long term financial stability and so you have decided Christmas is going to be a low budget affair and you will only be buying for your dc. You understand completely if this means they would rather not buy for any of you too. You never know, some of them might be having very similar thoughts and just not be brace enough to vocalise it.