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Original poster

How can I convince dp to allow this twitch?

82 replies

ArriettyMatilda · 15/12/2016 00:08

I've finished buying presents for 3yo dd. Her stocking will be full and there will be a handful of other presents from me and dp. She will also get lots from family and friends. This week I was asking her what she thought Father Christmas might bring her and she told me he was bringing her a scooter. I need to twitch! Dp thinks this is unnecessary as she got a balance bike last year for Christmas but she's not that confident on it yet. I think she is mainly coveting a nursery friends scooter, and dp thinks this isn't good enough as she already has something similar. I can just imagine how happy she would be on Christmas day if she were to get one. Dp said he will feel bitter if I go ahead. FYI I think she'll be too busy on Christmas today with other presents to realise, but I'm worried about letting her down Xmas Sad I know there will be times in life where she is disappointed, but I'm not sure Christmas day is a day for teaching lessons.

How do other people manage these kind of expectations from children?

OP posts:
Original poster
ArriettyMatilda · 15/12/2016 10:16

I will stop asking now! I didn't sit to right a list with her because I didn't really think she'd get it. She said chocolate the first time I asked her I do think she definitely wants a scooter though.

Also do has not asked for anything for Christmas. So I can't really make a point by returning something because he doesn't know what he's getting. Its only a few small things, like dvd or clothes. He doesn't like buying presents because he doesn't know what people like and hates the expectations of Christmas (seeing family and having to buy gifts). He does all of the above without complaint at Christmas time, it's just the build up where he is Scrooge Xmas Envy

OP posts:
Original poster
ArriettyMatilda · 15/12/2016 10:20

It really won't piss his mum off though, she is lovely! It will only piss him off.

It won't put us anywhere near debt but we are meant to be saving. Whilst it won't impact financially we will have to find somewhere to keep it as we aren't allowed any outside storage.

OP posts:
KatherinaMinola · 15/12/2016 10:24

They are very small things to store! I would try to convince him again.

I know how first world this sounds, but I think that (finances allowing, and not being stupid about it) a scooter is something that a child should have - and that three is the perfect age to have it. I would get a scooter over other toys which I think are more 'optional extras'.

I know that money is an issue for almost everybody, but I do think a good scooter is a very wise investment (better than a ton of Lego and a whole box of dolls).

Notso · 15/12/2016 10:27

I must be a cruel heartless mother. Almost every year one of mine says there's something they want for Christmas that is either too expensive, a ridiculous request, a load of crap, or they say it after I've finished shopping and wrapping.
This year it's a new laptop for my 16 year old (she already has a decent one), a mobile phone for my 6 year old (no chance!), and a yokai watch for my 4 year old (random request and I'm finished shopping for him)
No doubt the 12 year old will come up with something too! None of them have been disappointed or upset on Christmas Morning.
Sometimes they have mentioned that thing again for their birthday or the next year and I get it then but usually they are only asking because they've just seen the advert for it or Jack from school has one and never mention it again.

noramum · 15/12/2016 10:29

I am with your DH. A balancing bike is a lot better than a scooter. Especially if you think about getting a decent bike anytime as well. You will be able to skip the stabiliser which won't teach to balance on a bike.

A scooter is a health hazard. I personally hate children using them on busy pavements or even inside shopping malls. They do not learn to control themselves and more than once I had issues with children scooting far too much in front of their parents and not being able to stop at a street corner or driveway (our road is nice and straight, downhill to a very large and popular primary school).

DD had hers for 3 years and we were glad giving it away.

Why didn't you ask her earlier what she would like from Father Christmas?

SoupDragon · 15/12/2016 10:56

A scooter is a health hazard. I personally hate children using them on busy pavement

Little Kids use bikes on pavements too.

Topseyt · 15/12/2016 13:18

When I was a child I had a scooter from a fairly early age, and eventually a bike too, though there were no balance bikes in those days.

I liked both though was never super confident on a bike. I felt happier, more stable and more in control on a scooter.

I would press to get her the scooter though wouldn't go behind his back. I don't really get why you are uncomfortable asking your MIL to get it though. Surely she would prefer to get DD something she would really enjoy, and it sidesteps DH neatly.

I am actually quite glad that my DH normally leaves most of the Christmas gift shopping to me. I get the main presents for the DDs and then make suggestions to him as to what associated stocking fillers he could buy when he finally decides to go out and do some Christmas shopping of his own.

user1471461752 · 15/12/2016 13:40

My 4 year old is desperate for a hatchimal but infortunately won't be getting one as I can't get hold of one. I think she'll be disappointed even with other presents so my vote is to get it if you can.

Cagliostro · 15/12/2016 19:59

I think a scooter is a pretty decent twitch really I would probably do it

SheldonCRules · 15/12/2016 20:11

At age 3 you could buy a really cheap one just to make the Christmas magic, I'd have not even asked, just ordered one. It's not like a new car or iMac!

SatsukiKusakabe · 15/12/2016 20:14

I would get a scooter or bike if I felt they could get use out of it/outgrown a previous item etc at any time the need arose so if that's what they wanted for Christmas and it was within my means I would get it.

Dd has inherited ds's balance bike and micro scooter, she struggles with the balance bike at the moment but is gaining competence quickly on the scooter and is enjoying it.

We are getting her a pedal bike with stabilisers for her birthday as she saw one and wanted one; conversely I think it will help her gain confidence for the balance bike in a couple of months.

These things are equipment to enhance development, help them enjoy another form of exercise and get them places more quickly. rather than toys, but they make excellent presents so why not?

Original poster
ArriettyMatilda · 15/12/2016 21:40

Dd has readily accepted the explanation from dp that she doesn't need a scooter because she's got a bike Hmm perhaps I don't need to get it after all.

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Topseyt · 15/12/2016 22:21

That's bollocks. Plenty of kids have both scooters and bikes.

I would still suggest the idea to MIL if asked.

SueDunome · 15/12/2016 22:26

I would definitely get the scooter. Could you perhaps return one of the other presents that you have bought her, so that you replace it with the scooter, therefore not giving Scrooge anything to be bitter about?

As others have said, bikes and scooters are entirely different and there is absolutely no reason why she shouldn't have both.

Libby34 · 15/12/2016 22:52

I'd just get it! This year I've bought LO a tri scooter on very for £9.95 (price has risen now though), also got DN one in TK Maxx for £8. You can definitely get one for £15 or under, it's not like you'd need to spend £60 for an extra present.

Fueledwithfairydustandgin · 16/12/2016 00:03

After religiously saying he wanted a wheelbarrow and a chainsaw from Santa, DS (2.5) saw a train set in b&m and told everyone Santa was bringing him a choo choo train. I rang DH and mentioned it. He said he wouldn't notice on Christmas morning as we've got him lots. I felt that he hadn't actually asked for much and I had chosen to get him things but I wanted his Santa wish to be fulfilled if possible because they are only small and belief in the magic for a short time. I decided to buy one and told DH. If he'd told me he was bitter about it id have told him to pull himself together. In no time at all there's no Santa and just a request for some soulless piece of technology

Original poster
ArriettyMatilda · 16/12/2016 05:49

I'd have to return the bike, which was bought last year. He thinks I don't take her out on it enough, but it's heavy when she decides not to ride it! And he thinks I won't take her out on the scooter so that will also be a waste of money.

He really doesn't see the bike and scooter as different things- to him they are both ways of getting from a to b.

I can't get him to budge Xmas Envy

OP posts:
ChishandFips33 · 16/12/2016 05:58

Have you gone in from the angle that her physical skills, sense of balance etc are not yet ready for the balance bike but the scooter is also about balance so it will support her learning to ride the bike?

I wonder if he's going to buy one and make his little girls day???

SatsukiKusakabe · 16/12/2016 07:44

I find these situations hard to understand. If my husband was being this -silly-- stubborn about something on which he was completely wrong (i.e. Scooters and bikes are different, and children may get on better with one rather than another at different times) I'd just...get it. Yes parents have an equal say to an extent, but if he's saying you don't take her out enough, he's already shirking his portion of responsibility and acknowledging you have more time and opportunity with her, so I feel that's your decision, what would suit you both best. The idea of taking back a bike she's not quite ready for so you can get a scooter she will be when you can afford it, is just sad really.

SoupDragon · 16/12/2016 07:53

DD never got the hang of her balance bike.

She was great on a scooter though.

RJnomore1 · 16/12/2016 08:33

Hold on you lot. There's a massive difference between a pony/phone and a scooter.

Your dh does not sound nice op. He's emotionally blackmailing you using his feelings to not purchase a relatively cheap item which would be of use and also delight to your child. You will get a good scoote for a three year old for £15.

Will it send you into debt? If so don't get it

Is it an inappropriate present? If so don't get it

Do you feel cornered because your dh is acting like a petulant three year old himself? I'd be having a think there...

SatsukiKusakabe · 16/12/2016 08:57

My ds struggled pedalling anything, but flew on a balance bike, dd struggles with the balance bike so we're trying something else. She may not get going on the bike we've got her for several months, but she'll have it and be happy on the day.

Bobsmum02 · 16/12/2016 09:08

I don't understand the level of stubbornness from your DP on this! Why is he making it such a big issue? Especially since MIL has not yet purchased anything for your DD, does she have another gift in mind, if not I'd mention the scooter to her.

This type of thread is why I'm glad my DH pretty much leaves the Christmas gifts to me. Of course there is the argument that both parents deserve equal say in what children get given but sometimes its just easier if one parent takes the lead!

Topseyt · 16/12/2016 09:21

I would just get the scooter and ignore his childishness. He cannot force her to like the balance bike if she just doesn't.

If you get the scooter and she discards the balance bike in favour of it then he can eBay the balance bike.

I would still be tempted to have a word with MIL. See if she needs advice on what to get. Say that DD really, really wants a scooter and that you think she would get on well with it as she hasn't managed to build any confidence on the bike.

WeAllHaveWings · 16/12/2016 09:34

How do other people manage these kind of expectations from children?

A scooter for a 3 yr old, I'd buy it. Probably wouldn't even discuss with dh first, although he may roll his eyes a bit.

dp says he will feel bitter

About buying a 3yr old a scooter!! I could understand if you were getting her ears pierced or something major. Its only a scooter, unless you have financial challenges its something you should be able to decide all by yourself! Nothing wrong with a 3 year old having a bike and a scooter, both will develop her balance. ds's balance developed quicker on a scooter which helped him with riding his bike.