blended families and Christmas

[GreenGoth89]

This year it was going to just be me, DP and DSS ( like it was meant to be last year but we had an old friend of DP's gate crash at the last moment), but now my DM is free this Xmas (she was meant to be working abroad), and FIL has an injury and as step-MIL (who Is a judgmental bitch and can't even keep her mouth shut and be civil) can't do the cooking we had a feeling we might be invited to come over (if DP cooks that is). But... it's likely that we will only know if we'll have DSS (who is resident with us and rarely sees his birth mum) or not about 2 weeks beforehand and my DM really dislikes my FIL and SMIL and finds it difficult to be around them. We don't do big Xmases - I don't like mindless overconsumption and I'm not Christian and was brought up with more emphasis being placed on the solstice than Xmas itself. That works for DM but that's not what the inlaws do.

What the hell do we do?

Sounds like a rock and a hard place.

Could you all bite your tongues for one day, and say to yourselves that this is what you are going to do on the 25th, but the day for you is the 27th, and treat that as the celebration day you really want.

How does your DP feel about his df and stm coming over?

It's a tough one. This is one of the reasons I no longer enjoy Christmas. When I was with DH I had step children to think of ( they usually spent Christmas Day with their mum and Boxing Day with us ) and then we had to juggle visiting family in between.
This year is the first Christmas I will be spending with new dp, he has 2 DC so again we will have to juggle things, my family do not like dp but of course they want to see my DC over Christmas.
I'm tempted just to run away for Christmas.

DP is happy to cook but not happy for them to come over to the house because SMIL will judge the fact we haven't got new carpets yet or the back garden doesn't look amazing etc.

Is there any possibility of pre-preparing lots of the Christmas meal and taking it over to FIL and SMIL'S late morning and re-heating it there; have lunch and after the washing up go home? Then your mum could choose to come to theirs or not, and still have a buffet tea at yours. This could happen whether or not DSS is with you. Surely you could all force the getting on for three hours and you would have an escape back home.

Otherwise if the FIL and SMIL complain about that arrangement, it's DP takes their food and leaves, you and he and DM stay at home with/without DSS; or they manage their own meal at home, or they come to yours and are pleasant and non-judgemental. Their choice.

You plan the home Christmas Day you want and invite family to join you making it very clear what is to be expected. Then they can make their own choice. Do it your way, or find an alternative.

I wouldn't be going to someone else's house to cook their dinner!!