mil and Christmas

[buttercup54321]

MIL rang to say she will be arriving on 21st December and staying until 4th January so she can help with new baby (due 14th December) and organise Christmas in our house! DH took the call and thanked his DM. He hasn't stopped banging on all evening about how marvellous she is!
FIL will only stay until 27th December as he has to get back to his elderly father, but of course the dog ( a jack Russell that yaps) will be staying on with her.
Apparently my family can pop over for a couple of hours on Christmas day if they like but really visitors need to be kept to a minimum with a new baby around .
I am in a massive sulk but DH cant understand why. If I speak to her I shall be very rude so I'm trying to calm down. DH is now calling her a sweetie. I feel evil.
AIBU?

While I'm pleased for you that you will now get more the sort of Christmas you want for yourself and the baby, your DH hasn't learnt much about his relationships with you or with his parents.

He has lied to his mother in order to get himself out of a hole, just as he did when he was a naughty seven year old. His lie now involves you in pretending to be ill for the next three or four months.

If he is ever going to progress from a child/parent to a fully adult relationship with his parents, he would have been better telling them that you were unhappy with their plans and so they would not be happening.

As it is, MIL is free to come up with other plans for future events, are you going to be ill for the rest of your baby's childhood whenever there are plans you don't like?

You need a talk with him, about how what you want should come first now, and about how you will support him in standing up to his mother, and about what it means for the two of you to be a partnership.

I agree with Allalonenow. This bullet has been dodged and a more relaxing Christmas is thankfully on the cards, but he should never have agreed to her plan, and he shouldn't be lying to her like a naughty kid in order to resolve the problem. A bad precedent has been set.

And your PiLs, who seem well-meaning if a bit clueless, may now be worrying about your health and that of the baby. All because he couldn't say, "I'll check and get back to you" in the first place, and "no, sorry, that plan won't work" in the second place.

I agree with the previous few posts; your husband seems to have told his mother you are ill rather than told her that you have jointly decided to have a quiet Christmas

How dare he pretend you have a (mental?) health problem so that he doesn't have to have an awkward conversation with his mother? I would be livid.

Once I'd calmed down a bit from livid, I would be ringing MIL law. "It was great to talk earlier, and I am so glad you understand about us wanting a quiet family Christmas this year, but I am confused because you seemed to think I am ill?" Then just hold the silence until she explains. Then put her straight. Don't protect your husband in his lies to his mother - a bloke who lies to his mother to get out of a conversation will just as easily lie to his wife.

The shit might hit the fan a bit when his mum talks to him. But have that open conversation with your husband too as it'll be far easier to talk about things now than it will when you think he's lying to you, but you are so knackered/stressed/hormonal you can't work things out in your own head.

Start as you mean to go on.

A little white lie right now is the kindest thing to do considering she so graciously backed off. Why on earth unleash all that drama when the outcome is what you wanted? Sheesh.

And after a night on the couch, I've a feeling he now perfectly understands to check with you first in future OP

Lovely to read the great outcome. Such a relief for you.
Have a great Christmas OP. My first Christmas greeting this year

Some Christmas reading for you OP