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Original poster

mil and Christmas

81 replies

buttercup54321 · 09/10/2016 22:12

MIL rang to say she will be arriving on 21st December and staying until 4th January so she can help with new baby (due 14th December) and organise Christmas in our house! DH took the call and thanked his DM. He hasn't stopped banging on all evening about how marvellous she is!
FIL will only stay until 27th December as he has to get back to his elderly father, but of course the dog ( a jack Russell that yaps) will be staying on with her.
Apparently my family can pop over for a couple of hours on Christmas day if they like but really visitors need to be kept to a minimum with a new baby around .
I am in a massive sulk but DH cant understand why. If I speak to her I shall be very rude so I'm trying to calm down. DH is now calling her a sweetie. I feel evil.
AIBU?

OP posts:
IHeartKingThistle · 09/10/2016 23:01

The dog would be the deal breaker for me. Not a chance.

Put your foot down OP!

badtasteflump · 09/10/2016 23:07

Fuck that. Tell him it's not happening, end of story.

QueenLizIII · 09/10/2016 23:07

For the last 2 years my sisters MIL and PIL have monopolised them at Christmas and I'm being told again they have to go to theirs.

Ok but they have other children and other grandchildren rom their other children.

I am single and have the one sibling. I would quite like to see my sister and my nieces at christmas this time.

i wish my sister would grow a back bone and tell them to fuck off. She doesnt want to spend another Christmas there with them but she will..... sighs

Set a precedent from the word go op.

allthatnonsense · 09/10/2016 23:10

No, just no.

No Mil, no Jack Russell. Tell your DH that it would be intrusive with a new baby at bloody Christmas.

VimFuego101 · 09/10/2016 23:10

My son is 5yo and I'm still annoyed about post birth visitors (admittedly my mother rather than in laws). Better to be tough now like I wish I had

Benedikte2 · 09/10/2016 23:13

OP there's no way I'd agree to any definite plans for anyone to stay until I knew how I felt after the baby was born -- would want quiet time with baby and DH and to try to get into a routine and get baby settled. Of course domestic help is always welcome but the problem is that MIL would be too bossy and would want to be hands on with the baby. Also no way I would allow her dog in the house with a newborn. Different with your own pets but not someone else's.
Good luck

KERALA1 · 09/10/2016 23:15

My ils arrived to stay a week the day I got out of hospital. They remained their weirdly formal selves and did not lift a finger to help just chomped all the food my mum had made for us (dd 5 weeks early so no prep done).

Mil gave a little snigger when I was upset breastfeeding wasn't going to work out as dd prem and underweight - dismissive tinkly laugh "you'll be fine". I detest her and always will.

ChasedByBees · 09/10/2016 23:17

Who called your parents visitors, your MIL it your DH? Is this your first? Does your DH understand the physicality of the post birth period?

If not, get graphic. Describe lochia in excruciating detail, engorged breasts, being topless to establish breastfeeding. Ask would be like your father there to help him if he was in that post birth condition.

This could really inhibit you breastfeeding not to mention having to play host and not having that early time to establish the bond with your baby. Stand firm and set your boundaries.

ChasedByBees · 09/10/2016 23:19

"Ask would he" that's meant to read

And agree with others that a dog may not be safe.

Thinkingblonde · 09/10/2016 23:22

Take back control, I'm glad to see that you're going to sort it out yourself.
If you don't you'll be in for a lifetime of this interference.

smallplainblonde · 09/10/2016 23:23

Good god do not let this happen. It sounds awful!! My MIL is a lovely woman and we have always got on well but since having my baby I've found our relationship has changed a lot. You need time to bond with your new baby and your husband and some help from your own mum if you're like me. Congrats on your pregnancy!

Trunkisareshite · 09/10/2016 23:23

Fucking hell.

No.

Agree with PP, no plans are being made nor is anyone staying until you have had the baby and you feel up to it.

And no one needs to ask if you're up to it yet when you're in a post birth state as you'll let them know.

Wankers.

'A real treat this year'! You should shove mummy's turkey up his arse.

A decent MIL/ mum would come round when asked, coo over the new baby, fuss you and DP, chuck some food in the fridge and leave. Unless asked otherwise.

'A real treat this year'.....

Butteredparsnip1ps · 09/10/2016 23:25

Make my wine, I love love the idea of setting a president Grin it gives it an extra special level of importance. I think your spell check has a sense of humour.

OP. Not on at all. Small yappy dogs and tiny babies are not a good mix, and that's without xmas. You need to be able to slob this Christmas out if you so wish.

Jinglebellsandv0dka · 09/10/2016 23:26

Hell no! What on earth goes through these people's minds.

My DGM camped out st my house for three days when I had dd2 untill I called Dh to get her out of my house.

I honestly think GP lose there minds at births and have a need to control and be an immidiate part of the situation...

Youremywifenow · 09/10/2016 23:26

Anyone who you are not comfortable with sitting in front of with your tits out should not be staying with you when you've just had a baby.
If you have a section, you may have to have your fanny out as well to air the scar.
You should not feel like you have to hide away to avoid anyone, you should be able to relax on your own sofa watching Christmas TV, scoffing quality street and cuddling your newborn without anyone and their dog making you feel irritated and resentful.
If your mum lives near, I'd go to hers for your Christmas dinner, and get spoiled and looked after.

It's so intrusive for her to even consider this. If you're not comfortable with it, say no.

Mamatallica · 09/10/2016 23:28

Hell no! That's bordering on grounds for divorce! You need to stop this right now before it goes any further. Get DH on the phone immediately to put MIL straight. No visitors? Damn right, especially her!

annandale · 09/10/2016 23:29

I just... look, this is one of those situations which falls at the first hurdle. Ignore that nobody knows when the baby will actually be there. Ignore the incredible rudeness of 'doing Christmas' without a bye your leave in somebody else's house.

The fact is that nobody - nobody- stays in my house that I haven't agreed is staying. Doesn't have to be a lot of notice - DH brought back a random guy he met out walking for a meal one day, but he rang me from the path to ask if it was OK.

DH didn't ask you before he agreed to this. Response on the phone to batshit plans of PILs is always, always "You're so kind, I'll have a chat with Buttercup and we'll call you back in a day or two". Write it out on a card for him if necessary.

Stay very calm. Thsi is not going to happen. Inform him that for about a million reasons this is one of the worst ideas since New Coke. You are going to sit together on the sofa while he rings your MIL and explains that you have agreed together that Christmas is just going to be you three at your own home this year with no fixed plans because there is no way to predict when the baby will be here or how any of you will be at that time.

If for any reason this does not work or she turns up anyway, decamp to your Mum's. Do not accept this, it is not OK. I am absolutely a believer in making relationships work but you are allowed to set some boundaries and agreeing to visitors without asking you is one of them.

MakeMyWineADouble · 09/10/2016 23:42

butter my autocorrect/spellcheck loves to give things extra importance 😳 It can be very dramatic 😂😂

Allalonenow · 09/10/2016 23:46

Well I wouldn't have a Jack Russell there for a start!

Get it all cancelled ASAP, as DH is only thinking of his own comfort, not what will be best for you and baby.

If they refuse to cancel, go to stay with your own Mum.

GnomeDePlume · 10/10/2016 06:24

Am I the only one who wonders how such mummy's boys actually manage to father children?

WinchesterWoman · 10/10/2016 06:35

He'll no. You have to cancel. Your husband is being a pill.

Shesgotelectricboobs · 10/10/2016 07:21

No. just no.

finova · 10/10/2016 07:38

I literally have my mouth hanging open.
What a controlling cow your mil is.
Your DH is being a total prat but you well know this.
You might be in labour Christmas Day-Ridiculous!

finova · 10/10/2016 07:40

Agree with annadale too.
I'd also tell your parents so they have an idea of 'the plans'

PunkrockerGirl · 10/10/2016 07:41

The dog would be the deal breaker for me too. Hell would freeze over before I'd allow a yappy dog to stay, even without a new baby in the house.