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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Present for terminally ill mil

34 replies

ridingsixwhitehorses · 22/12/2015 00:08

Not sure how long she has left. Is in hospital waiting to moved to hospice.

Cannot eat. Has loads of unused smellies. Does not read, watch TV or listen to music.

I regularly send pics of kids which are displayed round room.

Has umpteen scarves and cardis and bed jackets most of which I bought her.

Doesn't do mawkish things like fill out memory books etc

Plants and flowers etc not allowed on ward.

I have got her a cushion with a pic of the kids on it so she can cuddle it or display it.

What else can I get? Any ideas at all? Going to big shopping centre on wed night if anyone can think of anything.

OP posts:
Millipedewithherfeetup · 22/12/2015 00:13

I would just spend time with her if this was me, im sure that gift will be more than appreciated.

Original poster
ridingsixwhitehorses · 22/12/2015 00:16

We go as often as we can but several hours round trip so can't go every week alas plus seeing the kids exhausts her though we go about every third week and dh also goes after work in between visits. We are all going on Boxing Day and would be nice if we could give her more than one thing to open.

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 22/12/2015 00:17

Some kind of oil burner/ scent thing? i imagine pillows and really soft blankets would be appreciated as she's laying in bed all day and may get sore. Although as Millipede said, spending time seems like the best gift at this point.

80sMum · 22/12/2015 00:18

I think if I were her I wouldn't want 'things' I would want experiences: visits from the grandchildren, nostalgic chats with friends, that sort of thing.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 22/12/2015 00:19

Photobooks of places they once lived went down well one year. One of those local history type books - brought out some childhood memories.

BooOzMoo · 22/12/2015 00:20

Time..... the only thing that will be important to her now!!!!

timelytess · 22/12/2015 00:20

I think she'll want visits.

ArcheryAnnie · 22/12/2015 00:37

Agreed with the others that time and company are the only things I think she will be interested in, but if you must take something - you say she doesn't eat, but does she drink? A friend used to take her terminally-ill MIL those really beautiful (and alas really expensive) wooden boxes of tea from Fortnums, as she could still drink tea, and people could make it for her.

VimFuego101 · 22/12/2015 01:00

That's a good idea shouldwestay - pics or postcards of where she grew up/ took holidays.

gleam · 22/12/2015 01:19

A lava lamp? (if allowed).

puddingbrains · 22/12/2015 01:28

What about an ipod/mp3 player loaded with some of her favorite songs? You could listen to them together and talk about the memories she attaches to them?

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 22/12/2015 01:35

What about some recordings of the children reading poems/stories or singing? I know you said she doesn't listen to music, but maybe she'd like that?

BitOfFun · 22/12/2015 01:36

I'm sorry you are going through this- we did this time last year. I bought MIL this luxury lip balm- the air in hospitals can be very drying, and it's just something that might make her feel a little bit more comfortable.

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 22/12/2015 01:42

-Colour changing battery candle could be soothing to watch
-Fiddle toy/stress ball type things
-Lip salve

(Just tossing ideas out there, if these are inappropriate just ignore me.)

torthecatlady · 22/12/2015 01:49

Sorry you (and your mil) are going through this :( :( :(
It's hard. It brings back my own memories of this. If you can't visit how about lots of phone calls? Does she have a mobile? If not, perhaps a cheap one so she can call her family from bed if she wishes?
I second a good quality lip balm. My mum would get very dry lips when she was going threw chemo and in and out of hospital.
Perhaps arranging someone to go in and do her nails or hair? If she would normally like that / is allowed.
A new pair of slippers or a cuddly pair of socks if she does not leave bed.
A warm blanket? Cashmere is soft / gentle / warm / comforting.
Crossword / puzzle book?
Maybe a notebook with a nice message from the family inside?

Notrobusta · 22/12/2015 08:51

How about some nice hand cream that you can run in for her. A nice hand massage is very soothing. You could also get a nice throw or bed socks as hospital blankets and socks are not terribly cosy. A v shaped pillow may be nice to help her sit up. Some lip balm would also be good as her lips will likely be dry is not drinking. The most important thing for her I'm sure is knowing you are there.

BrandNewAndImproved · 22/12/2015 09:03

Can you go to her house and dig out the photos?

I would take some cakes, biscuits and tapas plus the photos eat drink and be merry while looking at the old photos. If she has any love letters they're always a good read and almost always guaranteed to put a smile on her face.

A soft blanket is a good idea if your looking for unwrapping things but most elderly people at that stage of their life really don't care about presents.

SomedayMyPrinceWillCome · 22/12/2015 09:04

Bed socks?

procrastinatingpeacock · 22/12/2015 09:10

I second the idea of paying someone to give her a hand/ foot massage. My mum died of cancer earlier this year and was able to enjoy these even when she was pretty much bedbound shortly before her death.

Original poster
ridingsixwhitehorses · 22/12/2015 10:44

Thank you for the ideas. Will get lip balm - maybe a coloured one as she likes lipstick. She can't have massages in hands as too many canulas and feet too swollen.

Tbh she is hard to buy for when well too. She has no hobbies or interests (but is v nice).

She is not elderly. Mid 60s

OP posts:
randomcatname · 22/12/2015 12:37

The cushion with photo on it is a lovely idea. I was going to suggest hand cream as well but as that's no good, what about nail varnish and painting her nails for her? Or a mobile hairdresser visit? Something pampering ish?

My own experience of people at that stage of illness is strong smells like perfumes etc can make them nauseous but I don't know if that's universal. Perhaps this is a tad much but is there a local choir that can come and sing carols?

It's a very difficult time, I feel for you Flowers

randomcatname · 22/12/2015 12:37

audio books?

MrsBalustradeLanyard · 22/12/2015 12:41

When we had this situation I bought nice scented hand cream in a lovely bottle, and rubbed it in for her, and gave her a little gentle manicure. There's so very little you can do but I think it felt nice for her.

MrsBalustradeLanyard · 22/12/2015 12:41

And just saw about the hands...ignore me, sorry!

thatwhichwecallarose · 22/12/2015 12:47

I was in this position last year - we went for hand warmers and new socks. Yes she got time to but with two young kids there was no way granny wasn't getting a present too.