PIL bought DD what I was going to get her

[Helgathehairy]

Had agreed that PIL were going to get DD a play kitchen. I was going to get her a shop checkout and trolley. She loves pressing buttons and she loved the trolley in the shop. I had said this to PIL because they'd asked what we were getting her.

On Sunday MIL announced they'd got her a checkout and trolley as well! I didn't really know what to say at the time, I did say I was planning on getting her that and she just kinda said oh well we've got it now.

DH is a bit annoyed because he said he remembers me saying it to them.

I just don't think there's any point in getting her the same think they got her (I was getting her a bigger version of what they got her). Now we're getting her a Duplo train but I'm a bit pissed off at PIL.

[Helgathehairy]

scrappy I think that's what happened with PIL. They saw the checkout and trolley and just thought 'oh she'll love that' not remembering that I told them she would love it.

Although they're usually lovely I'm wondering if there is a tiny bit of bad feeling behind it because DH vetoed their first choice of present. So we couldn't get her what we wanted so neither can you.

[shazzarooney99]

I think its lovely that people go out and buy presents, you can always buy your daughter something else.

[Firsttimemum2012]

My MIL is exactly the same. She buys so many presents for my children that it is very difficult for us or any other family or friends to come up with something to buy. This year I asked if she could let me know what she planned to buy so I could ensure that there was no duplication. It hasn't worked as she has only told me after she has bought them! I have two Xmas presents going back already......

[Pantsalive]

Scrappy I wonder if we share a MIL. Mine has form for this but it is hilarious.

We now occasionally drop red herrings into conversation in the lead up to Christmas just for everyone's amusement. Luckily, she gets the joke.

[ScrappyMalloy]

She also does it if I say DS loathes something so will rush out and buy it.

Luckily DS has aspergers and we work hard on Saying The Right Thing, so he loves an opportunity to to do a big fake 'That's fantastic!'

[Friendlystories]

If they've bought her a smaller version I would still get her the one I'd planned to and insist the one they've bought stays at their house. She will have opened yours first on Christmas morning so if theirs goes down like a damp squib they've only got themselves to blame.

[happsymum]

Hate this. From having experienced it with my dd's nan ( her dads side but he has nothing to do with her) too many times! I now just don't say what we getting as she either also buys it! Or nondiscreetly tells her by talking about it too much ( she's 10 so on the ball and remembers!) last year had " I knew I would , nanny made it obvious, thanks tho mum" after asking if surprised she got the hamster shed wanted and we said no chance to all year!
I try to understand it and think a case of them trying to get the big meaningful exciting gift, not ill get it before she does! Still irritated massively when happens tho.

I ALSO get it from dp's mum! He's impossible to buy for as if wants or needs anything he'll have already bought it- even in December! And last 2 years Iv been so pleased with myself thinking up a total surprise for him and she gets it the day I tell her! And she one of these ppl would not appreciate being told that was MY idea! And can't bare the thought of awk relationship ( that would do it) . So now... Don't tell my ideas till v end December if at all! She recently bought him tickets to the same event i had, but a week before! I was crushed as knew wouldn't be the same now , but can't say anything to dp or would be hurt I criticised her- she is lovely minus present stealing ideas!

Feel your pain !

[LibidinousSwine]

I would be annoyed silently but as it's an isolated incident, I would just suck it up this time. If you're concerned that it's likely to be a recurring theme, then in future buy your gift first before mentioning it to MiL. Then you can show her the great gift you have bought and she will know not to duplicate.

OTOH you could look positively on it that your MiL clearly knows your DD well enough to buy thoughtful gifts that she knows she will love. Better that than a drum kit [swink]

[LibidinousSwine]

that should be!

[Ragwort]

Seriously, the angst on mumsnet about Christmas presents - your DD is just 2 years old, she won't know/care who gave her what. She's not going to be opening her presents and carefully checking the gift tags is she?

Just be grateful you don't have to spend more money. You don't have to buy big ticket presents for children, particuarly when they are so young.

And if it bothers you so much, don't tell anyone else what you are planning to buy in future.

[MistressMerryWeather]

I'm pretty much 'do as you please as long as it doesn't kill them' DIL but this would have upset me. How would PIL feel if you went out and got your DH the gift they were planning for him?

There is always a 'main' present, it's exciting even when they are little to watch them open it on Christmas morning.

FWIW my PIL's would have been mortified.

[Helgathehairy]

Next year I'll have her present bought early!

[Helgathehairy]

Although next year I'll have to give the credit to Santa.

[PennyHasNoSurname]

So will she be able to bring home any of her grandparents gifts?

How often is she there?

[Helgathehairy]

Penny she's there once a week. If she really loves something she can bring it home but the idea is to have something she can play with there as she has plenty of toys at home.

[MistressMerryWeather]

Make sure you take it home.

[NewLife4Me]

We got round this easily by every present coming from FC.
My mil couldn't stand it as she didn't get the credit and asked every year from her being 4 if she still believed.
She had form for messing up presents with our older two when they were little.

[TheDietStartsTomorrow]

Limbo it isn't something to get so put out by. Now ones being horrid. Just being realistic and telling OP when we think she is being unreasonable.

Seriously, it's no wonder people have so many issues with extended family members when they are being egged on to get more upset than necessary over a misjudgment of a situation by PIL who are otherwise reasonable. It's Christmas fgs. Isn't it supposed to be about goodwill and forgiveness and kind gestures? How exactly is that going to be achieved if people make small things into big deals.

If it was a reoccurring thing or a pattern of behaviour from the inlaws it'd be a different matter.

OP, I'm sure you can find something else equally brilliant to give your DD. Take her out to ToysrUs or something and see what catches her eye. Children love an array of toys and especially at that age they'll be plenty more on the shelves that she'll be drawn to instead. Pick one of those. I'm sure she'll love it. And you can still enjoy the pleasure she gets from it.

[BoboChic]

Honestly - don't complain about grandparental generosity :)

DC cost lots of money and you will be very, very happy when they are teens and GPs are offering to fund computers and iPhones!

[PennyHasNoSurname]

Id have said "oh we have bought her one already"

My Aunt always tries to buy the Big Ticket items that DH and I buy, but usually I have already purchased (dolls house/bike etc) so can say honestly that she already has them. I like, as her parent, to be able to buy my children the Main Present.

[Fluffy24]

My 'D'M announced she had a great 'big' present for DS but wasnt going to tell us what it was. Fortunately we managed to get get to disclose what it was, and it transpired she'd bought the same thing as PIL had agreed with us that they'd get.

We let her have a few hours of thinking she'd need to take it back before 'discovering' that PIL hadn't bought theirs yet and they'd get something else.

Now all big gifts get run past us!

[Whatabout]

Get lots of annoying toy food to go with it and some saucepans with lids. Lots of noise and mess at the in laws :-) the cutting fruit you can buy is great. I'd be hacked off and it's OK to be.

[Floggingmolly]

Jesus, Fluffy, you sound so pleased with yourself that you probably made her feel shit. If I had to "run it past you" and get the Royal approval before buying my grandchild a gift, I'd stop buying gifts completely.
I'd set up a savings account for the child to access when they had escaped your controlling clutches were old enough to spend it themselves.