PIL bought DD what I was going to get her

[Helgathehairy]

Had agreed that PIL were going to get DD a play kitchen. I was going to get her a shop checkout and trolley. She loves pressing buttons and she loved the trolley in the shop. I had said this to PIL because they'd asked what we were getting her.

On Sunday MIL announced they'd got her a checkout and trolley as well! I didn't really know what to say at the time, I did say I was planning on getting her that and she just kinda said oh well we've got it now.

DH is a bit annoyed because he said he remembers me saying it to them.

I just don't think there's any point in getting her the same think they got her (I was getting her a bigger version of what they got her). Now we're getting her a Duplo train but I'm a bit pissed off at PIL.

[Fluffy24]

leaves

Knowing my DM she'd have managed to make poor DMIL feel bad and offer to take hers back!

[CheerfulYank]

I don't think you're being precious at all. I'd be really annoyed.

[slithytove]

Maybe I will refuse delivery :)

[Helgathehairy]

Sorry swine!

[iklboo]

Can you give them the money for it so you are giving it to her? Saves you a shopping trip.

[TheLeavesAreTurningBrown]

Why shouldn't the OP get to pick out something special for her own kid - isn't that one of the simple pleasures of parenting?

Of course it is! choosing something the anticipation etc.

fluffy

I would have just let her give the same gift. preferably both of them together in a room.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

Slithy - I'd tell them it has to go back and that you've already bought one. Bad enough that you'll have to wait in for collection.

You will be looking at the thing for frickin' years trust me. Buy the one you want and send them an Amazon wishlist for all the gubbins to put in it instead.

[LibidinousSwine]

That helga is an altogether too reasonable and sensible attitude for MN- shame on you

[Helgathehairy]

DH is going to see them Sunday without me and he asked me if I wanted him to say something. I said no. I'm going to leave it for now but be more alert next year.

[FixItUpChappie]

I think if you don't say something than they won't know and will keep doing it. There is no way I'd be buying nothing to indulge in competitive shopping between grandparents. That has nothing to do with "generosity" FFS.

[Fluffy24]

floggingmolly

She'd have felt more shit on boxing day if she'd turned up to find an identical one installed in the sitting room. This is not the first time.

Who goes to Mammas and Papas 12 weeks before Christmas, buys one of their most popular Christmas gift items, then refuses to tell the child's parents what they bought so they don't buy another themselves, or warn the other GPs?!

[slithytove]

Mine have done this every time.

I said I was getting cosy coupe. They ordered it to ours so I had to build it for them. (I'd have had it built and it would have been £15 less).

This year I said I was getting a kitchen. They have ordered one for me to build. Not the one I wanted to get. I want to send it back :(

[thatstoast]

I'm not buying DS anything this year. The Xmas battle royale between DM and MIL has started, who can buy the most, the biggest, the most expensive thing. DH and I are there in the middle deflecting their attempts at emotional manipulation.

Try not to let it stress you out OP.

[FixItUpChappie]

if it's going to stay at their house it is shit and annoying. Now if you want to enjoy your child playing with these items you'll have to buy them anyway without the joy. Surprise! You already have one of these.....

It doesn't have to be just about the 2 yr old does it? Why shouldn't the OP get to pick out something special for her own kid - isn't that one of the simple pleasures of parenting?

Besides, a kitchen, a trolley, a cash register all just from GPs is gluttonous at best....pretty hard not to go overboard then when you add in everyone else's gifts. The parents should get to enjoy the bulk of the toy buying if they are so inclined not scale back because relatives will go whole hog.

[Helgathehairy]

Flogging it's hardly controlling to make sure there are no duplicate presents. Especially if the mother went out and bought what the PIL were also going to get.

(Although I admit it's not entirely clear if the mother knew the PIL were buying it, if not then it's not really her fault)

[Helgathehairy]

Like whatabout said, if you wanted to buy something else and had already got the kitchen, wouldn't you buy something to play with the kitchen like food or saucepans?

[Hatethis22]

Surely it's basic common sense to check with the parents before you buy??? Otherwise the child could have three of the same gift!

[captainproton]

My father has bought my dd the complete set of Beatrix Potter books and he has been given them out 3 or 4 books at a time since she was born. She is now 3 and I bloody hope by this Xmas we are done.

It is so tight-fisted I can't even begin to describe how disappointed I am. he just went on a frigging Alaskan cruise with his partner so it's not money problems. His partner btw always gets my kids something nice to wear and perhaps some chocolates and I think she puts thought into the clothes.

To make matter worse my DS and DN are also getting the exact same set of books in the same way for birthdays and Xmas. My sister and I just roll our eyes. I'm due to have DC3 after Xmas and I have pre-warned him that if he thinks he is buying any more bloody Beatrix Potter books they will be going down the charity shop. FFS.

Anyway my point is, at least you PIL actually buy nice things for you DD, mine make do with 1/6 of a present each special occasion.

[Floggingmolly]

Jesus, Fluffy, you sound so pleased with yourself that you probably made her feel shit. If I had to "run it past you" and get the Royal approval before buying my grandchild a gift, I'd stop buying gifts completely.
I'd set up a savings account for the child to access when they had escaped your controlling clutches were old enough to spend it themselves.

[Whatabout]

Get lots of annoying toy food to go with it and some saucepans with lids. Lots of noise and mess at the in laws :-) the cutting fruit you can buy is great. I'd be hacked off and it's OK to be.

[Fluffy24]

My 'D'M announced she had a great 'big' present for DS but wasnt going to tell us what it was. Fortunately we managed to get get to disclose what it was, and it transpired she'd bought the same thing as PIL had agreed with us that they'd get.

We let her have a few hours of thinking she'd need to take it back before 'discovering' that PIL hadn't bought theirs yet and they'd get something else.

Now all big gifts get run past us!

[PennyHasNoSurname]

Id have said "oh we have bought her one already"

My Aunt always tries to buy the Big Ticket items that DH and I buy, but usually I have already purchased (dolls house/bike etc) so can say honestly that she already has them. I like, as her parent, to be able to buy my children the Main Present.

[BoboChic]

Honestly - don't complain about grandparental generosity :)

DC cost lots of money and you will be very, very happy when they are teens and GPs are offering to fund computers and iPhones!

[TheDietStartsTomorrow]

Limbo it isn't something to get so put out by. Now ones being horrid. Just being realistic and telling OP when we think she is being unreasonable.

Seriously, it's no wonder people have so many issues with extended family members when they are being egged on to get more upset than necessary over a misjudgment of a situation by PIL who are otherwise reasonable. It's Christmas fgs. Isn't it supposed to be about goodwill and forgiveness and kind gestures? How exactly is that going to be achieved if people make small things into big deals.

If it was a reoccurring thing or a pattern of behaviour from the inlaws it'd be a different matter.

OP, I'm sure you can find something else equally brilliant to give your DD. Take her out to ToysrUs or something and see what catches her eye. Children love an array of toys and especially at that age they'll be plenty more on the shelves that she'll be drawn to instead. Pick one of those. I'm sure she'll love it. And you can still enjoy the pleasure she gets from it.