"Merry Christmas from Mr. and Mrs. dhfirstname dhlastname"

[EmkanaCookTurkeyLikeICan]

Is that a good way to sign a Christmas card, do you think?

And I have to say this provides two more reasons not to (a) get married (b) send Christmas cards.

I agree with the Christmas cardsmi, but surely most people having problems are the ones who either didn't get married, or did but didn't change their name. so maybe it's a good reason not to try to be little miss different. (or if you want to be, to clearly state your preferences to all and sundry) It's a bloody minefield.

I am genuinely shocked how many people get miffed about these things. Life's too short

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I don't care how the card is addressed tbh...

as long as it doesn't have a picture of a candle or a robin on it....

I find I do get irritated by people who don't seem to get how the name thing goes in our family. It is so very simple. I am Ms X. DH is Mr Y. The children are Misses X-Y. But nobody ever seems to get it right twice in a row. And the double-takes we get when they come in our house and clock the wedding pictures on the living room wall are hilarious.

Ernest, I didn't keep my own name 'to be a little bit different'. Grrr. I kept my own name because it's mine and I'm not a ruddy possession. Everyone who knows me well enough to send a card or a bill knows what my name is. My gran knew perfectly well what my name is but chose to send letters/cards/cheques to Mrs DH first name DH last name. Which I can forgive as a generational thing (shame about the cheques, though).

What does confuse people is that in our neighbourhood, everyone knows us as the 'x' family because they see me around more than dh, given he works full time (and ds has my surname, dh's choice). Only realised the other week that some people didn't know dh's surname!

I don't mind being addressed as Mrs DHfirstname DHsurname (our surname is the same though - we are all Munkers).

I also address envelopes "Mr and Mrs DHfirstname DHlastname" because it takes too much ink to write "Mr H Munker and Ms R Robespierre and BoyOne and BoyTwo and didn't you get a guinea pig this year, how's it doing? Making those cute wheee noises?" and the post office get bored and throw all those cards in the bin

Yeah, right Hunker, because it takes so long to write 'Mr C and Mrs J Smith' rather than 'Mrs C Smith'.

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Oh, I think I am on the fence here.

On the one hand, I used to hate it and I agree there is a wider point about society. I have tested many institutions to see what they make of our names, including dh joining MY bank account as a joint member. I filled in all the documentation with my name first and him second. But when the correspondence arrived it was to Mr & Mrs dhfirstname dh second name.

On the other hand I accept that it is now a minefield and so if people get it wrong then I can hardly blame them. Could rail about etiquette, the class system, misogyny etc but can see that this would be going off at the deep end perhaps unnecessarily!

Agree with Pruni that it is only someone deliberately doing it their way in express contradiction of your wishes that is annoying. For some reason more annoying if it is in-laws which is terribly unfair but there you go.

Very good point Pruni, sorted the whole thing out. LISTEN to Pruni people who can't work out how to address women! Saves hours of 'how do I address the card' trouble.

LOL Bahunkbug

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I remember the first time I saw a letter addressed to my Mum as Mrs(Dad'sname) and (Dad surname) I was truly shocked. it was like as if my Mum didn't exist. I couldn't stop myself from telling her what I thought. She just smiled. I was a kid and I really wanted her to explain why they didn't at least use her first name.

dh has his name and I have a double barrel. I didn't want to keep my name because of bad associations with my parents, but I didn't want to just take his as to me that would feel like 'disappearing'. dh wanted either to take my name or to have a double barrel too but both partners with a db isn't allowed in Germany. I like my name - as a combination of my fairly common Brit one and dh's fairly obscure (even in Germany) German one I'm unique! It pees me off all the more when dh's parents and family persist in referring to me as Mrs dhname or to us as Family dhname.