Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Does anyone else choose to spend Christmas Day separate from their Husband/Wife?

30 replies

PennyHasNoSurname · 20/10/2015 12:58

I really really want to get my Judgey Wedgey out of my arse about this as frankly it is none of my business but I havea very dear friend and her DH who choose not to spend Christmas Day together.

Theyve been together over a decade, married for two years and always said theyd spend it apart til they married but still do it.

I wondered if it was more common than I thought?

OP posts:
Shakey15000 · 20/10/2015 13:01

I've not known anyone, no and it's certainly unusual however, whatever works for them etc. Out of interest, where do they go? To their respective families?

Original poster
PennyHasNoSurname · 20/10/2015 13:08

Yeah, her to hers and him to his, really early too around 9am.

I cant think of anyone id rather spend the day with than DH and extended family would come second.

Each to their own I suppose, and theres no kids, so thats easier logistically, but I just feel a bit, sad about it.

OP posts:
Blarblarblar · 20/10/2015 13:12

My DH and I didn't spend it with each other till we had kids. I love the way my family does it he felt he should be with his. He would drive up after Cheistmas lunch with his parents for Christmas dinner/party at mine.
Now we do it our way, on our own with the kids. It's still fab

Blarblarblar · 20/10/2015 13:13

I was/am very happy no need to feel sad for them. Each to their own.

middlings · 20/10/2015 13:18

You are absolutely right that it's none of your business but you're also right that it's just plain odd!

I know someone who does it. Her long term partner really doesn't like Christmas and spends it at home on his own while she's with her family.

I also knew a number of young married couples who did it pre children and in many cases, spent years with small children running between a number of houses so that mammies wouldn't be offended.

DH and I were viewed as very odd by spending Christmas together from when we moved in together! My view was, I want to spend the other 364 days of the year with him, why wouldn't I want to see him on Christmas Day!

SerenityReynolds · 20/10/2015 13:21

My DSIS and her husband do (though last year was their first after getting married). I never thought anything of it until then. Turns out, he wasn't bothered with DSIS still coming to our family last year, as if she had gone with him to her IL'S, he would have felt obliged to spend it with our family this year Hmm. It's totally their business and I would never say anything, but it struck me as being quite selfish of him. He always wants to go to his parents, so she has to choose to spend it apart or not spend it with her family. It'll be interesting to see what happens when they have kids.

I personally think it's only fair to alternate each year, or get everyone to you if that's feasible. But if each party is happy to be separate, it's nothing to do with me.

Nydj · 20/10/2015 13:24

Perhaps they both understand that their parents get more joy from having them at their respective homes than they would get from spending it together. In which case, I think it's lovely of them.

imwithspud · 20/10/2015 13:37

It does seem strange, I couldn't imagine doing that. Even pre children, me and dp used to alternate where we spent Christmas. So one year we'd be over at his parents over Xmas day, then we'd go to mine Boxing Day, then vice versa the next year.

Guess it depends on your views and how you feel about Christmas. It does seem quite sad, I would never do it - not that it would be feasible with children anyway. But if it works for them and they're happy then that's what matters.

Natkingcole9 · 20/10/2015 15:13

My DP and i do this, we've been together 6 years and are engaged, until we have children i will go to my mum and dads for xmas. xmas eve we both sound in my parents, boxing day lunch i have at his parents. it works so well and its tradition!!!

Oly5 · 20/10/2015 15:17

We did this before having kids. I couldn't bear to be away from my parents for xmas and he couldn't best to be away from his.
Now that my mum is terminally ill I am grateful for all the wonderful xmases together.
You're right, it's none of your business and you should put your judgement back where it belongs!!
It is no comment on the state of their relationship whatsoever. People should not be so smug

Natkingcole9 · 20/10/2015 15:21

How the hell is it sad? Spending xmas with the two people that brought you into the world? (In my case) younger siblings? Theres nothing sad about it, its lovely. I don't sever ties with my partner that day, we wake up together, text and go home together. Hardly sad Hmm

Crosbybeach · 20/10/2015 15:28

My family all live scattered around the world. If they all got together somewhere, hell yes I'd go, and not takes DH. He wants to spend Christmas with his kids and ex wife. Which is fair enough.

If I lived closer to any of my family I'd happily go to theirs at Christmas without him. For me it's a good time to see family other than the in laws I live near.

But, it's too far too travel and a bad time to travel from where I live, chances of getting stranded due to bad weather a v high.

Don't think it's odd at all.

ISpidersmanYouMeanPirate · 20/10/2015 15:35

We did until we had DC. It wasn't sad at all. I Live abroad and liked to see my parents at Christmas. DMIL has no partner so loved seeing DH at Christmas. Now we have DC everyone comes to us but I did love Christmas at my parents'.

I associate so many happy Christmases at my parents- I don't have those associations with DMIL and they have different traditional meals

MsJuniper · 20/10/2015 15:36

DH and I did this for years, his parents live abroad so we can't visit both together. We figured we see each other the rest of the time. I missed him but it was important to us to be with our families. The first Christmas after we got married we spent just the 2 of us and it was just so quiet and weird. It turned out to be my grandmother's last Christmas and I've always regretted not being there.

For years after that we did separate Christmases again, or sometimes DH would come to my family. After my grandfather died was the first Christmas I spent apart from my family and after that we had DS so it's been different since, the focus is very much on him of course!

SnozzberryPie · 20/10/2015 15:44

Dp and I used to spend Xmas separately, each with our own parents, till we had dd. We weren't that bothered about spending it together as the day didn't have any significance for us as a couple, whereas it was a day that me and my siblings, parents and grandparents would usually all make the effort to get together.

scarlets · 20/10/2015 16:42

In my circle of friends, couples who'd moved in together started spending Christmas together, at one set of parents' house.

I've an acquaintance who spends it with his parents because his wife often works over. Christmas. They're about 50 and have been together since the 1990s.

LancashireTea · 20/10/2015 17:49

This will be the first Christmas that I'm spending with OH, purely because we now have a DD. We've always gone to our own parents' for a week, before spending New Year together.

We will be going to my parents' this year because I can't bear to spend the day without them, even if it never actually lives up to expectations. And I love the traditions we have even if the day ends up sucky

chaplin1409 · 20/10/2015 19:59

I remember when I was a kid my dad was a retained fireman and was on call christmas day, we used to spend christmas day with my mums side of the family and dad would stay at home. I always spend it with my dh and children unless he is working.

StellaAlpina · 20/10/2015 20:18

DH and I spent Christmas with our respective famlies when we were living together but not married. Last year (married then) we had lunch with one set of parents and dinner with the other set - excellent 2 dinners but wastes a bit of the day driving. Everyone's coming to ours this year!

StellaAlpina · 20/10/2015 20:18

DH and I spent Christmas with our respective famlies when we were living together but not married. Last year (married then) we had lunch with one set of parents and dinner with the other set - excellent 2 dinners but wastes a bit of the day driving. Everyone's coming to ours this year!

Senpai · 21/10/2015 05:29

We do Christmas like my family did growing up.

Christmas Eve: One set of parents
Christmas Day: Us
Day After: Other set of parents

Everyone has their own day so that we're not rushed.

Letustryagain · 21/10/2015 07:49

Well, before we had DD I would have been your Friend.

I LOVE Xmas (hence why I've been perusing the Bargain thread since July Smile) and come from a family of 5 children. My Mum was always a bit 'Bah Humbug' about Xmas but always made a massive effort, she just let us know about all the effort by moaning!! Love her to bits by the way and actually these annual moans add to our funny memories of our family Xmases.

DH on the other hand HATES Xmas. His Mum died when he was 15 and eversince he hated Xmas.

So at Xmas I would go to my family and he would stay at home. For the first year we spent it together and he was so miserable. Which totally ruined my Xmas aswell. So it was a much better idea for me to do my own thing so that he could wallow without feeling guilty and I could have the lovely family Xmas that meant so much to me.

But now we have DD who is 6 and he enjoys Xmas now (I think) or certainly appears to, for her.

MorrisZapp · 21/10/2015 07:57

What they all said. I've spent every Christmas of my life at my mums house and that won't change. Exes and DP have been fine with it. Now I have DS, we all ho to my mums and then to DPs family on boxing day.

It's the complete opposite of sad. It's because I love Christmas so much.

MrsDeathOfRats · 21/10/2015 08:06

If I'm hosting then DP will be there (we live together now but even when we didn't) but if I go to someone else's (my mums usually) then he doesn't usually come.
Last year he popped over for dinner and presents that was it to keep dd happy but otherwise he stays at home alone.

But that's cos he is Muslim and has no interest in Christmas really.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 21/10/2015 08:16

I know a couple who do this too. I don't judge necessarily but yes, I do think it's a little odd. But then people thought we were odd for spending every Xmas together as soon as we were together, before we were engaged or married. We have three sets of parents to consider as mine are divorced, arrangements are different every year. This year we'll spend Xmas day with my dad and Boxing Day with my mum then see DH's parents (who live abroad) over new year. Next Christmas we're planning to go abroad to spend it with DH's parents.