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Original poster

Do you still spend Christmas at your parents'?

62 replies

Bonywasawarriorwayayix · 29/09/2015 19:43

I'm curious and daren't post this on general Chat yet.
DH and I have been alternating Christmas at respective parents' houses for the last 12 years. Now we have DS and I'm pregnant with DC2 I've had enough of it and really want to spend it in my own home and start our own Christmas traditions.
It doesn't help that we have to travel 6 hours to see my lot. DSis seems happy with it (she has a DP and DS) but I think after this Christmas I'm going to suggest other arrangements e.g. they come to us some years.
So, what do other people do? I'm basically after reassurance that I'm not being a horrible person for wanting a change Smile

OP posts:
DefiniteMaybe · 29/09/2015 19:45

I always go to my mum's on Christmas day and then to my nans to see my nan, grandad and dad on boxing day.
There's no way I want to cook at Christmas, it costs a fortune and adds extra stress.

SycamoreMum · 29/09/2015 19:46

Have Christmas at yours and invite ppl to you.

I still go to my mums as does everyone else in a 5 mile radius. Grin When I have a stable relationship then I'll stay home with him and my daughter I suppose.

SpaghettiMeatballs · 29/09/2015 19:51

We've been doing similar to you with a long journey too. I have a 1 year old DS and a 3 year old DD and I've put my foot down this year and said we are staying at home with my Dad, ILs and SIL welcome to join us.

Everyone bar MIL is happy with this and understands our reasons. MIL complained 'but I've never spent Christmas away from my own home' Hmm hmmm, imagine that.... Oh no, wait, we go to you every year.

She is coming round though and has cheered up a bit and I'm really looking forward to hosting Christmas and not having to pack everything up and drive for hours.

BreeVDKamp · 29/09/2015 19:52

We alternate but I think in a few years' time we'll stop that. DS' first Christmas this year so he doesn't know what is going on and I want to go to my mum's. The thing is, all 4 of my grandparents go to my mum's, and we live a long way away so they can't all come to us. So then when we have xmas at home, my parents probably won't come. So then it will just be the 3 of us, which isn't very Christmassy at all :( I don't think I've ever had a Christmas without extended family.
I never ever ever want to go to ILs' for xmas again after last year. Never again.

BeStrongAndCourageous · 29/09/2015 19:56

Once we had kids we agreed we wanted to be in our own home for Christmas and if family wanted to see us they had to come to us.

The exception is my DM - she is on her own so comes to us every year, but she's local so can just come for the day. I suspect it's only a matter of time before MIL starts to make noises about us coming to her one year, but DH and I are agreed that Christmas is best spent in our own home.

SailingNovice · 29/09/2015 19:59

We have alternated between my parents & DP parents spending Christmas with one set and New Years Eve with other as to far apart to pop over.

But this year I have invited everyone to us, happy to host everyone but likewise if no one travels to us I am quite happy to have Christmas on our own ideally no one will come

chanie44 · 29/09/2015 20:02

We go to family too. We often do my mums in the afternoon and OHs in the evening. It's great, as it means we don't have to cook. Plus it's nice to see everyone in one place.

We did have an Xmas at home about a year ago and if I'm honest, it was a bit boring, as the children were 3 and 1. I normally hate 'busy' family gatherings, but I quite like it at Christmas as everyone is in the festive mood.

I'm trying to create a nice tradition that Xmas eve is our family time, with a nice buffet, Xmas movie etc as an alternative to Xmas day.

ohidoliketobe · 29/09/2015 20:04

We spend Christmas at home since DS was born. My parents and grandparents come to us for lunch (me my mum and gran do a course each). DH family who live very close (within 1.5 miles) have been told time and time again they are welcome to come round but the idea of them leaving MIL house is alien to them. (Including sisIL who has dragged her 2 kids there for the full day from 11 am every year which I think is mean!). My best memories from when I was small are staying my in pj's all day eating chocolates and playing with toys and grandparents aunts and uncles all calling by. That's what I want for my kids. Not rushing to get ready to be at grandparents for a set time.

MrsDeathOfRats · 29/09/2015 20:07

We alternate.

My DB had 2 DC and he and his wife alternate between his mum and her mum.
On the year they are with his (so my) mum I am there with my DC too.

On the alternate year my mum and other siblings come to my place.
This year it's at my place and I am so excited! Love having Christmas at home with my little family and my mum and sister Smile

Sparkletastic · 29/09/2015 20:12

No way. They only live across the road but they now come to us. DB is single and lives abroad and he stays with DPs but we do Xmas at ours. My DDs want to be at home and I'm not a panic merchant like DM is about entertaining. They often contribute the main component to the meal and bring booze so that helps on cost.

VikingLady · 29/09/2015 20:18

We agreed to alternate before DD was born, but only to keep the peace. We managed to find excuses to go to my parents every year instead (PILs are EA and extremely unpleasant to DH, particularly at Chrstmas).

Since DD was born we said we were doing Christmas at ours from then on. Too much faff to pack up everything needed for a baby/small child plus presents etc to go elsewhere, especially as we don't drive! Everyone is welcome to come to ours. In reality DM has her own life now and tends to go elsewhere, and MIL comes for the shortest time she can manage whilst DH keeps out of her way cooking dinner. We Skype DM and any other interested relatives in the afternoon, and have open house for the afternoon.

LikeSilver · 29/09/2015 20:20

When I was a kid Christmas Day was spent rushing between my divorced parents. When DD was born DH and I agreed Christmas Day is just for our small family. We don't go anywhere. I wouldn't be opposed to hosting but it would cause drama among whoever wasn't invited (two sets of divorced parents) and I can't be bothered with that. I love our little Christmases.

Trills · 29/09/2015 20:21

When I lived with xDP, no.

(no kids, we just chose not to)

Now I'm single and live alone, yes.

I don't call it "going home" though. It's not my home. This is my home.

goldiesoxx · 29/09/2015 20:24

We always go to my mums but when I have a bigger house (tiny terrace at the mo) and children I'd like to have everyone here.

cashewnutty · 29/09/2015 20:25

We have Christmas at home and my parents come to us. PIL spend Christmas on their own. They always have and will never change. We have never spent Christmas with them.

MTWTFSS · 29/09/2015 20:28

Christmas at home with just yourself/DP/DH/DC is the best!!! Stay in PJs all day! Eat with your fingers! Lick the plate! Eat in front of the telly!!! It is the most luxurious duvet day of the year Grin

SellFridges · 29/09/2015 20:29

We've been alternating between parents but I think we might stay at home this year. Both sets will be invited but the biggest problem is actually having enough space for them. We have space for people to eat but no room for my Mum to stay. PIL are local so can come easily I would think.

Ragwort · 29/09/2015 20:31

The very first year we were married I made sure I offered to 'host' Christmas, - we've now had 30 Christmasses and we do different things each year - sometimes we went to DH's mother, sometimes to my parents, or we hosted, we go abroad sometimes, we have volunteered and not seen any family, we have worked (hospitality industry) .............. I hate to be 'in a rut' about Christmas arrangements Grin.

This year we are hosting my parents - I keep thinking this might be the last Christmas all together as they are in their mid 80s.

ShowOfHands · 29/09/2015 20:32

Yes, absolutely.

I know the norm on MN seems to be wanting to stay at home and have your own traditions but going to my parents' house is traditional for us. It's me, DH and the DC every day of the year but for me and DH, Christmas is primarily about family. We spend Christmas with my parents and boxing day with my ILs, plus grandparents, siblings, cousins etc on either side. It would feel so utterly wrong to not see them all for Christmas.

I know my Mum insisted on it being just the four of us on Christmas Day and it totally broke my grandparents' hearts. They had no other family and never once saw their grandchildren at Christmas. I know the MN mantra is they had their chance, your family comes first now etc but even as a small child I could see how desperately my grandparents wanted to see us and would have loved to see them too but my Mum was totally stuck on it being just the four of us and "our traditions". Interestingly, now we're older and have our own dc, she loves to host us all and says it wouldn't be Christmas without the grandchildren.

I mean no judgement at all in any of this. I refer solely to what is right for us.

FunkyPeacock · 29/09/2015 20:36

We have hosted Xmas since DC were quite small as it was becoming too much hassle transporting all the presents etc to my parents house

I prefer to be at home but there is no getting away from the fact that hosting Xmas (& all the shopping, prep, cooking etc etc) is bloody hard work & stressful!

I would actually love an invite to go elsewhere now but everyone seems very happy to let me carry on doing all the work Hmm

Floppityflop · 29/09/2015 20:39

I used to love going to my parents' house but now they like to come to us. Fair enough, travelling is a hassle for us at Xmas with work and so on. They are retired and happy to be pampered.

GlowWine · 29/09/2015 20:43

We alternated before kids. For about 15 years. Travelling to either family would take a long day from here: Scotland and northern Europe. We did drag DD1 to either set when she was a baby and it was fine, but as soon as DD2 had arrived we declared ourselves non-moving. Everyone is invited (our house is not huge), my parents are quite set in their ways for Christmas and will probably never come but my in laws do come nearly every year for a week and it's great. We have had Christmas with just the 4 of us, and last year actually travelled again, flying to see my family, kids are old enough now.

Shutthatdoor · 29/09/2015 20:43

We all go to my DSis.

One year we all did something different, but it wasn't the same so we reverted back and love it.

nagynolonger · 29/09/2015 20:53

Have the Christmas you want and put your young family first. I would never expect my adult DC to do anything else. I love seeing them and the GC but I can see them at other times over the holiday. Christmas day should be for the younger DC and they should spend it in their own home IMO.

Until the GC came along all the DC 'came home' or went to the inlaws alternately. We will have a new baby in the family for this Christmas. I have invited DS and DDIL and the new baby over for Christmas dinner if they want to come. It's up to them and they can come for as long as they want.....or not at all if they think it's all too much for the baby. I'll send turkey and all the trimmings to them if that happens. They live close by.

Me and DH had the Christmas days we wanted when our 6 DC were small.....we have had our turn and we still have the younger DS at home.

We were lucky that most of the family were close so we could just call in and exchange gifts with both sets of GP and the younger uncles and aunts. We hosted a big party between Christmas and New Year for the whole family and we visited Great GP and other family the weekend before or after the holiday.

PrincessHairyMclary · 29/09/2015 20:55

My parents live 11 doors away, I practically still live there. DD and I stay over and spend Christmas Eve and Boxing Day there.