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Original poster

Which bit of "please come for 3 nights" do they not get?

72 replies

threebob · 14/10/2006 17:22

Dh's sister is coming over for New Year (to NZ from UK). She will stay with PIL for first week, then we are taking her away to a 3 bedroom holiday home - which we have booked for a week. She is staying a week and then meeting a friend and going on for another week somewhere else with friend.

We invited PIL to visit for "a weekend", saying we wanted some time with SIL on her own as well.

Then they start talking about coming for a week - and I patiently (and bluntly) say "you are welcome (to come)for 3 nights".

We are staying for a fortnight and no way am I spending half of that with FIL and his favourite bible.

OP posts:
Original poster
threebob · 14/10/2006 17:23

We have booked holiday home for a fortnight - not a week. Must check posts.

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jampots · 14/10/2006 17:24

Ask them to come for the final weekend then they have to leave at the same time as you!

Original poster
threebob · 14/10/2006 17:32

And help clean up - I like it!

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Original poster
threebob · 16/10/2006 19:08

We have enlisted the help of SIL. She is usually pretty good at sorting these things out as she can be very blunt with FIL and he just forgives her.

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Original poster
threebob · 21/10/2006 10:00

Argh! They are still coming for 5 nights! Even after SIL has spoken to them. So they will basically be with us for the whole time that SIL is - so going away so we can be with SIL alone for a week (after they get their week with her at the start) is basically not going to happen and we could have stayed at home and saved ourselves a whole load of money.

It has taken my 10 years to forgive them for the bible incident.

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CreepyCrawlyCarmenere · 21/10/2006 10:09

What happened with the bible threebob?

TheBlonde · 21/10/2006 10:13

I suggest you charge them for their share of the rental

Original poster
threebob · 21/10/2006 10:16

Well yes I will be (and that alone is likely to make FIL reconsider the length of stay as you can imagine what January must cost).

However I would have rather paid more for it to be just four of us.

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PretendFriend · 21/10/2006 10:16

But it's a 3 bedroom house - that's a room each for SIL, bob and you 2 - where are they going to sleep?

How about if the ILs go to the holiday house and SIL stays with youat yours???

(Why isn't it possible ever to just say no to people like this? Has your DH had a go yet?)

Original poster
threebob · 21/10/2006 10:19

Sil will be sleeping on the top bunk in the tiny room with ds for her entire stay!

I am not happy about either of them having to share like this as they are the reason we are going on holiday not the in laws.

check our the room ds and sil will have to share

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Original poster
threebob · 21/10/2006 10:22

Sorry, the link isn't working.

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7up · 21/10/2006 10:22

oh god, id be really hacked off and be inclined to ring him up and be very blunt or get your hubby too,unless hes too scared. very selfish of them when theyre already having a week with sil and awful to not allow you to spend quality time on your own with her

PretendFriend · 21/10/2006 10:24

Oh that is ridiculous - good grief - have the ILs seen that? How can they be so selfish

Can't all 3 of you just line up and say no! you can't come for a week!

(Lovely house though )

PretendFriend · 21/10/2006 10:25

link (I hope!)

belgo · 21/10/2006 10:28

Holidays with in laws no no no - I've done this, and the last time didn't even last one night without a huge bust up. And I usually get on with them quite well! I think you should be firm and tell them a maximum three nights. If they had wanted a holiday with their dd, they should have taken the initiative (sp?) themselves and booked something, rather then gate crashing your holiday. I'm intrigued to hear about the bible incident!

MissyBabee · 21/10/2006 10:29

i would speak to them directly, saying you hope they don't take it the wrong way etc, but blah blah blah. they'll forgive you and if you explain, like you have to us, then they should understand.

i just think if you are worrying about this now - and it's OCTOBER - you are going to be totally stressed out when january actually arrives! It's not worth ruining the next couple of months over and believe me, this is going to wind you up until the day arrives!

JodieG1 · 21/10/2006 11:04

Just tell them straight, only way to do it. Explain and make it very clear the dates which you want them to join you. If they start talking about 5 days just say no it's 3 days and address it when they say it an don't wait.

kimi · 21/10/2006 11:32

What was the bible incerdent????

Can your DH not have a firm word with them?
And what does your SIL feel?

IvortheEngine · 21/10/2006 11:40

I'm another one in the "Just Say No" camp. Some people don't hear anything unless it is very bluntly said to them. If you don't make it happen the way you'd planned it, it will spoil your holiday and your relationship with FIL will deteriorate further. Stand up to him. It's the only thing that works with that sort of person as they are so used to people backing down and rearranging things to suit them. I haven't heard of the Bible thing before, but I can sympathise, honestly.

Original poster
threebob · 21/10/2006 20:06

The bible thing was we went on holiday with them 10 years ago when we were in NZ for a holiday ourselves, wanted to travel, they wanted to see dh for as long as possible so we combined the 2.

The first night all we had done was travel all day and we faced another long travel the next day. FIL said "we'll leave really early" so at 6.30am dh and I woke up, had breakfast, packed our cases back into the car and then sat down to wait. At 9am FIL walks to kitchen in nightclothes with bible, calmly makes a cup of tea and returns to bed with bible and some gingernuts.

We finally set off, have gone 100 miles and he remembers he left his bible in the bed. "It's my favourite one" he says, pulls a 3 point turn on the main highway and makes to go back.

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Gillian76 · 21/10/2006 20:09

You have your own transport this time, right?!

He sounds like a nightmare!

Reece · 21/10/2006 20:26

Oh crikey threebob.... I would have gone nuts about the bible thing. What a nightmare.

Definately say it straight to them that they can only stay for 3 nights. Your time with SIL will be spoilt otherwise and you will resent PIL's for a long time afterwards. Its not worth it. They are your plans, you organised everything, they should respect your wishes.

Good Luck.

7up · 21/10/2006 20:28

good god! i would have gone mad about doing a uturn for 10miles let alone 100miles!is he raving mad

Original poster
threebob · 21/10/2006 20:33

So what tack to take:

The "it's not fair to expect your nearly 40 year old daughter to sleep in the top bunk with her 3 year old nephew underneath". Website says sleeps 8 so loathe to show them that.

The "Our friends are coming after work on Thursday because they get Friday off" (true - but they aren't actually coming until the next week).

Or "look I'm stilled pissed off about the bible incident, so it's 3 nights or nothing."

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threelittlepumpkins · 21/10/2006 20:35

Can you tell them you want some time with SIL alone, or will they not understand that? Feel for you, tricky situation. I wouldn't even go on holiday with my inlaws, brave lady!