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Original poster

Which bit of "please come for 3 nights" do they not get?

72 replies

threebob · 14/10/2006 17:22

Dh's sister is coming over for New Year (to NZ from UK). She will stay with PIL for first week, then we are taking her away to a 3 bedroom holiday home - which we have booked for a week. She is staying a week and then meeting a friend and going on for another week somewhere else with friend.

We invited PIL to visit for "a weekend", saying we wanted some time with SIL on her own as well.

Then they start talking about coming for a week - and I patiently (and bluntly) say "you are welcome (to come)for 3 nights".

We are staying for a fortnight and no way am I spending half of that with FIL and his favourite bible.

OP posts:
7up · 21/10/2006 20:36

someone mentioned earlier inthe thread about having them for the last 3days then they have to go home when you do. thats a good idea. think you'll have to be quite stern when telling them,if they get upset then really thats not your problem. you have to think of yourself.has your sil said anything about it?

UCM · 21/10/2006 20:48

I would tell them that there is only going to be room for the last 3 nights.

PretendFriend · 21/10/2006 20:50

Could you just show them the pic of the bunkbeds without the rest of the website information?

7up · 21/10/2006 21:07

good idea pretend

Original poster
threebob · 21/10/2006 21:07

SIL has to be there at the same time or I really will kill them, and she goes after a week. I also don't want to spend the last 3 nights of my holiday with them - I find that the best bit.

The main reason sil comes every year at the moment is to see ds. She only used to come every 3 years or so.

I am contemplating taking my bike and doing 3 days of the Otago rail trail instead - and leaving them all to it, dh can pick me up when it's all over.

OP posts:
7up · 21/10/2006 21:10

oh forgot shes only there for the first week,well in that case you tell them the last week is for you and your hubby and son. has your hubby not said anything , or does it not bother him as its his parents

Original poster
threebob · 21/10/2006 21:18

He wants to spend some time with his sister, it's almost impossible for the 2 of them to spend any time together when she is over because of FIL.

Last year I stayed and read books a couple of days and the 3 of them went on day trips. I got some time alone and they got to be together - perfect.

And SIL and ds had to share a room and it was fine, but that was 2 seperate beds - not bunks.

OP posts:
PretendFriend · 21/10/2006 21:19

Well you didn't say which is your first night but assuming it's Saturday:

  1. you and DH and bob want to have a couple days with SIL to yourselves - that would be Sat & Sun

  2. they are then welcome (ha!) to come on Monday FOR 3 NIGHTS until Thu morning, and SIL will nobly sleep in the top bunk FOR 3 NIGHTS so they can have the 3rd bedroom

3)(now for the Big Fib) - your friends can only come on Thursday and Friday - MAKE SURE WHICH THURSDAY IS NEVER EVER SPECIFIED - so the ILs really have to leave on Thu morning, so you have time to get ready for your friends.

Will DH back you up in this? And if the extra 2 beds are a sofabed or something make damn sure they won't discover it?

PretendFriend · 21/10/2006 21:20

Oh dear, forgot that will imply that SIL will still be sleeping in top bunk when friends are allegedly there...

Simpler all round if DH put his foot down - I think it's his job!

Original poster
threebob · 21/10/2006 21:28

This is good pretend friend. We start on a Sunday so 1 night to ourselves - then they can come on Monday for 3 nights only. Our friends arrive Thursday (don't say which one).

Extra beds are a trundler and a cot - I am tempted to give them the bunk bed room with the trundler in it. There is no way that I am sleeping ds on a trundler (or worse in a cot - he'll be almost 4).

I like the combination of the SIL nobly sleep in the bunk bed, and friends coming on Thursday.

OP posts:
Original poster
threebob · 21/10/2006 21:29

Friends could actually have bunk beds, as they are young and fit (and also gay - which is another whole thing I have yet to get into).

2 gay guys arguing over who will go on top! Priceless.

OP posts:
Reece · 21/10/2006 22:18

Sounds like you know what to do now threebob.

The sooner you get it cleared up the better.

Isn't it awful how you get cornered into these situations without any fault of your own?! Similar things have happened to me and it nearly always involves family!!!

IvortheEngine · 21/10/2006 22:34

Good luck threebob. I'm going to do much the same thing as you re: hols plans I think as I've decided to stick my ground from now on. I've had enough of fitting into other peoples' plans esp when they are barking mad.

mymama · 21/10/2006 22:38

can't help you with the inlaw problem threebob but I love the holiday house .

Original poster
threebob · 22/10/2006 00:29

It does look nice doesn't it?

I am imagining BBQs and sipping wine whilst ds plays in the sandpit - not endless cups of ruddy tea and hunt the bible.

OP posts:
Skribble · 22/10/2006 00:39

I am just back from a weeks self catering, PIL were hoilidaying in their caravan about 50 mins away and we arranged to meet up for the day at an attraction and for them to come for dinner 1 evening.

Day at attraction OK, but the next day they arrived at nearly lunch time even though we had discussed going for a walk having lunch etc. They ended up staying 2 nights with us, dinner on 2nd night was a loaves and 2 fishes effort. I was close to losing the rag on day 2 as everyne was just sitting about so after lunch I dragged them all out into the rain for a walk.

So I do sypathise, although most of my rage was actually nothing to do with PIL and is underlying anger at DH .

Original poster
threebob · 22/10/2006 02:20

Endless pointless sitting around really gets to me too, and it's hopeless for a 3 year old who tries unsuccessfully to get everyone's attention and winds up in a right old state.

OP posts:
SittingBull · 22/10/2006 03:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mymama · 22/10/2006 04:00

six weeks!!! How are you going to survive that?? How are they going to survive that?

threebob could you say there is a per person/per night charge additional to the week's rent and ask for the money?? Would that stop them coming for the whole week?

Alibaldi · 22/10/2006 04:26

Just ensure that ds has some contagious disease that only you and SIL have had and that way they're bound not to want to come and stay . Seriously though I would tell them that you have booked the house for your holiday and that they are only welcome to come for the original number of days. It's a cheek and an imposition.

Original poster
threebob · 22/10/2006 07:13

Dh is going to tell the truth - that he wants some time with his sister without parents.

When he will do this is anyone's guess.

OP posts:
7up · 22/10/2006 11:01

get him to do it asap that way you can then forget about it and actually look forward to it

kitbit · 23/10/2006 09:32

Just got back from a 3 day break with PILs... dh and I had to go to a conference so we invited PILs to come asking if they would babysit ds on the first day (this was asked and agreed right at the start) and then we could all explore the city on the following day before returning yesterday, meaning we could both go to the conference and PILs would also get a holiday out of it.

Massive blow out on first night, FIL had a major playground strop saying it would ruin his holiday to look after ds as he couldn't do exactly what he wanted and if he'd realised it would be like that he wouldn't have come (my lip still sore from biting it hard at this point). Not sure how he had been expecting a 2 year old to taxi hop around the city (and with no car seat) from 9 am to 9pm but there we are.

Simply to illustrate how much of a pain staying with close family can be (not that you need reminding of course!!) and to hopefully spur your dh on to sort this one out before you have another incident of your own!!!

(Also to get off my chest so apologies for slight hijack!! )

Original poster
threebob · 23/10/2006 09:46

MIL has already said to ds "we'll take your car seat out when we go on holiday as we won't be driving you anywhere".

To which I added - "and if you do, we can put the one from our car in your car".

OP posts:
belgo · 23/10/2006 09:59

kitbit - I have the opposite problem - my mil thinks she's my dd's mum. She constantly undermines me, and ruins my dd's routine, to the point where I find it very hard to act naturally as a mum when she's around.