Am I being tightfisted and old fashioned

[Inthedarkaboutfashion]

I have just been to a pre Christmas event at school and was involved in a conversation with a group of mums about Xmas presents. It seems that quite a few are buying iPhone 5 or iPhone 6 for the children and several are buying x box one or the latest iPad. These are presents for 9, 10 and 11 year olds. I was a bit and didn't share what presents I am buying. My child in the same age group will get what I think is a reasonable amount of presents but it will be games, DVDs, books etc and will probably total £150. I have bought most things on his list and a few extras. I now think he only put things on his list that he thinks he has a reasonable chance of getting. He hinted at an Xbox but I wasn't prepared to spend that much when previous consoles (wii and DS) didn't get much use. He knows there is no chance of a phone until high school and even then not a mega expensive phone.
I am now worried that he goes back to school after Xmas and feels like the kid who got very little compared to everyone else (I was that kid).
Please mumsnetters tell me that iPhone 6 and x box ones are not the norm for 9 and 10 year olds or tell me I am out of touch and need to join the 21st century.

I'm dreading this when my DCs get a bit older. At the moment they aren't remotely fussed by what their peers have and are confident with their own (slightly quirky) interests, but I don't suppose that can last forever. We are in quite a wealthy area (but poor ourselves) and a lot of DD's peers have a lot of this sort of stuff.

We are very lucky to have a hand me down iPad, it's first gen and probably won't last much longer but we won't be replacing it because we can't afford to. I only have an iPod touch myself because I saved my personal spends budget (£20pm) for nearly a year.

DD wants an iPod touch as well, she is convinced she can save her pocket money for it but at £2 a week it might take a while... :o

I mean she wants an iPod because lots of her friends have them. I've said it's not something I think she's old enough for and actually she was fine with that, she's not asked for it for Xmas or anything. She is saving for something much smaller, I don't think she has the stamina to save for an iPod really but she's not that bothered IYSWIM. But again, I daresay that'll change when she's older if keeping up with her friends becomes more of a need (she's 7)

The dcs (5 and 8) are getting an xbox 360 for christmas from me. They want to play disney 2.0 and minecraft, and they can do both on that. They have a wii (that I got from a MN product trial, thankfully - TY MN! - so I didn't buy that), but they can't do minecraft or disney 2.0 on it. I don't allow either of them to chat with or play against others online, so they won't be allowed to do that with the xbox either.

We have an ipad that is ds1's (his school gave one to every student), and a nexus that they both can use (supervised). It all gets a fair bit of use, so I'm sure the xbox will see quite a bit of use as well. They both love "building and creating" games, so I foresee them really playing mostly those for the near future (fingers crossed).

I think what you buy for your dcs is your own choice. I wouldn't cave to pressure from other people or what other children get. I chose their gifts based on what they would like, not what others got. And no way will I pay for the more expensive xbox one!

DD5 has asked for a 3Ds but she won't be getting it. She knows that her christmas list is a wish list and Santa doesn't bring everything on it.

PIL asked if they could buy them tablets this year (also have DS7) but again I said no. I just don't see the need for them yet although I know the DC would love them. I know some of their friends have them and cousins of the same age do to but that doesn't mean that they need to have them. I'm just very thankful PIL realised I wouldn't be keen and asked first.

Thanks to everyone who replied. It did make me realise that expensive tech is more the norm than I realised amongst 9/10 year olds. DH and I had a chat and he thinks DS would be beside himself on Xmas day if he got an Xbox as he wouldn't expect it. He thinks DS has worked exceptionally hard this year and has been so well behaved that we should get him an xbox (360, not Xbox one). We agreed that a phone is not required and that we will buy a phone when senior school is looming, but only a £100 phone. DS hates using the phone anyway.

That sounds great Inthedarkaboutfashion. I hope your DS enjoys it (I am sure he will!).

Regarding the phone, we have all our phones on Tesco contract. In the end we found that this worked out better than PAYG. The phones are all capped and I dont think any of my DCs has got even close to their limits.

Inthedark thats brilliant for your DS. Great that his hard work has been rewarded. Good on you guys.

...minecraft is only £13.99 on Amazon at the moment...

YANBU. Buy what you can afford and don't feel guilty. Spending quality time together and creating good memories are a lot more important than some technology that will be outdated in 6 months time. Every parent does what they consider to be right for their own dc.

Iggi, we are planning to get mine craft so thanks for the price check as it is a little lower than the websites I checked. What other Xbox games do 10 year olds like (nothing over a 12 rating)?

Mine's seven so plays pretty innocuous stuff -minecraft is as scary as it gets! He adores the lego stuff - lego Star Wars, lego batman, lego marvel superheroes.

The reality is that the 21st century Christmas for millions of children in the UK means homelessness, poverty, stress, anxiety and little hope for the future.

Christmas is about consumerism because advertising has replaced integrity in so many ways.

I don't think primary children do discuss what they received for Christmas when they go back to school - it's in the dim and distant past by 2nd week of January!

Just buy what you think your kids will enjoy and don't be beaten down by the commercialism/keeping up with the neighbours.

Your not being a tightwad at all, and as you say, you already have one in the house, if he uses it, surely its also his, a family ipad?

We have no ipads or anything similar, just normal comps.

I am holding out as long as I can for the tech xmas it may be next year.
But of course I have an older and a younger and the younger will then be exposed more early than I would like...

I think by 10 they already have solid interests est and know there are other things to do apart from playing comp games so I wouldn't worry too much.

Christmas is about consumerism because advertising has replaced integrity in so many ways.

as far as I am aware christmas has always had a charitable side to it and encourages thinking of those less well off, and giving something back?

Dd2is getting an iPad but not for internet use. She currently borrows dd1s but to be honest neither have no idea how to get on the internet from the iPad as I don't have it visible and they only use the apps. They use it a lot though and not just for games. They use the video to filming dancing, music for singing along etc. they make their own adverts, add music alongside etc. iPads do so much more than internet.

I wouldn't get phones but that's because they have no one to ring! iPads and Itouch have instant messaging which mine use as the majority of their friends have them. Dds are 9&7. Though the registered email on ours and their friends devices are parents email addresses to everything is visible etc.

The reality is that the 21st century Christmas for millions of children in the UK means homelessness, poverty, stress, anxiety and little hope for the future.

All year round Xmas for my DSS year old means living with and helping with a very disabled sibling (hence why I was only asking about presents for the 10 year old as the other can't use age norm toys). His whole year is full of stress and anxiety. I didn't want him missing out at Xmas as he already misses out on stuff throughout the year. Lots of issues affecting other children such as poverty and homelessness are temporary, my child's disability is lifelong and will impact on the 10 year olds entire childhood. So think whatever you like about consumerism.

To those who have been helpful and non judgy: Xbox has been purchased this morning, just need some games now. DH thinks son is going to be ecstatic on Xmas morning.

DS^ not DSS, I think autocorrect did something.

My 9yo DS will be going to school in Jan the proud owner of a v expensive console... however, he saved up half the cost himself and he will be sharing it occasionally with the rest of the family as it plays BluRays. I used some vouchers and got a great bundle deal with some games included. So it might sound v extravagant but its actually not as 'spoilt rich kid' as it looks iyswim.

Skylanders and Disney infinity are popular games, but be warned they can be expensive as there's a lot of extra figures to buy, you don't need them as such but only buying a couple can add up, it's good if you know other dc with same game as they can borrow each other's. They are fun (I love them myself haha) but the collectable element to them is pricey.
We spent almost £200 on figures and levels packs over a year on the first Skylanders game and they seem to get more expensive with each new release.

Dd always goes back to minecraft though.

I bought loads of sky lander stuff for my DS and he hardly played with it. In fact I should get it on eBay or gumtree ASAP.

The reality is that the 21st century Christmas for millions of children in the UK means homelessness, poverty, stress, anxiety and little hope for the future.

The reality for this little boy is going to be very different from what you could ever imagine Jane from up there on your very high horse.

Op, for many children yes they are ( the norm) but he will survive if you choose not to get him anything.

But of course, its going to be very special when he opens his x box!

DD (9 next month) has hinted about the Xbox because the full version of "Clash of the Clans" and some other game are on that - but has a DSLite and we have a wii too.

She has changed what she's asking for though, to lego and a bell and light for her bike.

Santa has also seen that she loves climbing so will be organizing the gear for that, has spotted a few books she was looking at so found the latest editions (like Diary of a Wimpy Kid - latest rather than the one on offer at book fair in school - Santa had purchased the newest one 2 days before!!) and a couple of other bits and pieces.

DD will also be getting clothes for her present from us, under the tree. And a set of decent earphones for her birthday on Boxing Day.

We will spend about €300 in total, but it's lots of little things and the climbing stuff is not cheap. And there are 3 different sets of presents to organize (and it includes her Christmas PJs on Christmas eve too). We can also afford that.

She does not have and will not be getting a phone in the near future. She has an iPod to listen to audiobooks in bed, and plays a few games on that.

I will suggest a Wii game for her to my siblings if they want ideas, or more lego. I know MIL is getting her a good coat for sailing. And books are always well received.