Every. Single. Year.

[stinkingbishop]

And so it begins. DM asking what to buy for her DGCs, my DP, my DPILS. DPILs asking for ideas for the DGCs, me, THEIR OWN SON, my DM, my DB. DB making frantic calls on the 23rd from John Lewis. Eldest DC asking about everyone at about midnight on Christmas Eve. All the time no one telling me what they have bought the DGCs till the last minute so I don't know what to get from us because of potential duplication.

And then of course I think of presents from me for all of them. Presents which show LOVE, and INSIGHT, and the fact you've, you know, THOUGHT about someone throughout the year and what might make their life more pleasant.

But every year I need to think of a list four times the length it should be so I can carve them up for everyone. And then let's not forget the neighbours, the nursery staff, the babysitters, DB's new GF, the cleaner, bosses, DP's friends, my friends, all the people it would never occur to anyone else to think about. And don't get me started on the cards.

All that happens is the 10 millionth time I've emailed someone with 'why don't you get them...' they then ask 'and what about you', and I write 'oh, just a nice sit down and a cup of tea!' and so I end up with, I kid you not, a venetian blind cleaner from DM, which would be bad enough, but I DON'T HAVE VENETIAN BLINDS.

And then. AND THEN. She emails last night, bearing in mind I already have a pile of lovingly assembled gifts for her that I have been picking up throughout the year, to say, and I quote "you haven't asked about me. I don't want books or smellies or food or THINGS. I have had a lot of expenses with the car and the house, so maybe just some cash." I am tempted to get her a scratch and sniff recipe book.

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS THE WHOLE FRIGGIN' POINT OF PRESENTS?

And breathe. In a peace and goodwill and holly-topped kind of way. Love her really .

Thank you for listening. That will be all .

I forgot the mention that DF's off-list buying is also terrible, and almost always to do with what he likes or wants. For instance last year I got a massive horrible metal standard lamp for our front room, nothing like anything else we have, because the last time Dad had stayed with us he 'couldn't read properly when he was sitting on the sofa.'

The ultimate gift: not something we asked for, not something we need, not something we like AND not something we'll use.

This is what happens in the absence of list. Not doing the list isn't really an option. But doing it does my head in.

Am I the OP? I feel your pain & could've pretty much written your post!!!!

Oo a Club! Excitement! We can all think of each other as we sit there on Christmas morning staring in disbelief at the thoughtful HMV voucher/Innovations catalogue tat we have been bought...

I do get that making suggestions for DCs is a good idea. For big things. I think for little things people could make an effort.

But for older DCs, and for grown ups...pah. Next year they're jolly well going to have to use their heads and hearts. With DM I'm getting to the point where, if she's saying she wants cash, and will probably end up giving me cash, and WE BOTH KNOW THIS IS WHAT IS HAPPENING...er, why don't we just call it quits?!

And don't get me started either on the fact this will be the EIGHTEENTH Christmas I have hosted (yes, I'm a martyr, but it's a kind of geographical necessity plus we're the ones with the cute kids) and it's so incredibly expensive and people make a big show of saying they'll help out with food and drinks and stuff...last year, for a week's stay, DMIL brought some ham, and DM some parsnips (I have always hated), a tub of olives, and some shortbread (which she ate).

Gnarr.

Rest assured, I am only venting here so I can be the Archangel bloody Gabriel on the day, as always. And I KNOW I am very lucky to have family, and them to have the wherewithal to buy things, and when we were little we were happy with a satsuma and we knew we were getting that, and... .

My mum always asks what me and DH would like for christmas about this time of year. Then proudly tells us she's finished her christmas shopping.

And I will ask her if there is anything specific she'd like. 'Oh you don't have to get me anything, spend it on yourself'....

Then the day before Christmas Eve, when I'm feeling smug at how organised I've been, she will ring and say 'oh, I've thought of something you can get me!'......and then be hurt if you don't get her it.

I honestly thought it was just me that this happened to. I not only have to come up with ideas for things to buy our own children, but then have to provide a list or buy for the whole of my family to buy them too. Oh and Dh. And presents for family, friends and teachers. Then, in December, I am harassed for a list of my own, as if I have time to wander around the shops feeling festive actually browsing for myself.

I then get to host the festivities with all that entails - the tidying, cleaning, shopping, wrapping presents, writing cards- trying to fit this around three children, their activities, homework and making cakes for the Christmas fayre x2. Chuck in a couple of nativities, Carol concerts, aforementioned Christmas fayres and I'm completely knackered by the time Christmas actually comes. So much so, that I don't really enjoy the day.

I love Christmas, but I'm worried that I'm always so flustered and stressed that is all my children will remember!

I call a general strike.

Ha!

Op I feel your pain and add in my two dc's birthdays just before Christmas and it just adds to the challenge.

However, If I did answer when anyone asked me what I would like "a cup of tea and a rest" I don't think I would be in a position to complain about the present I did get. some people love shopping for gifts when others find it stressful. so if asked, I would, if I were you, name something you would like tgem to get. It is a bit martyish tbh!

I also feel your pain , I hate Xmas for this reason .

MIL calls repeatedly for ideas but rejects them in favour of what she wants to buy anyway , if you search old threads somewhere you will find my posts about the handmade shepherds crook and the piece if a spitfire mounted in wood

I have already had to give her several suggestions this year and all have been rejected, why does she bother asking .

Last year she bought me a fishing gilet I have never fished in my life . I am usually very polite and fein thanks but last year I politely told her that it wasn't suitable and gave it back to be returned . It cost £100 and I just could not let her waste that much . I gave her some suggestions for other things ( at her request ) she bought a small version of one of them and a large voucher for a shop I will never use aaagh .

I have hosted Xmas for 22 of the 25 years that we have been married and I loathe it . I start to dread it in Sept , I feel constant responsible to everyone enjoying themselves , someone is always complaining , I hate it

True conversation with DM:

DM: What would you like for Christmas?
Me: Whatever you would like to get, but if you need some inspiration here is my Amazon wish list
DM: What shall I get you then?
Me: Anything from that list is fine
DM: But what do you want?
Me: I want everything on that list, so anything from there will be fine
DM: But I don't know what to get you
Me: Ok, how about the rucksack?
DM: What colour would you like

I give up

“It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” ? Mother Teresa

I know I'm being a martyr saying to DM I just want a cup of tea. But is it too much to expect MY OWN MOTHER, after 41 years of knowing me, plus the 9 months snuggled inside, to have some ideas as to how she might surprise and delight me? Hm?

And to make things worse everything has to be able to be purchased in a local shop , preferably using a cheque.At a push she will call a catalogue to order something but they do not do the internet at all.No computer, no email ,no internet shopping at all .

I have to do this too, last year was a particular low, I had lost my dm in the September, had just returned to work from maternity leave and was working Christmas Day. My pil chose it to be the year to teach me a lesson for not issuing them a list, I got to unwrap a cushion and gift vouchers!