Every. Single. Year.

[stinkingbishop]

And so it begins. DM asking what to buy for her DGCs, my DP, my DPILS. DPILs asking for ideas for the DGCs, me, THEIR OWN SON, my DM, my DB. DB making frantic calls on the 23rd from John Lewis. Eldest DC asking about everyone at about midnight on Christmas Eve. All the time no one telling me what they have bought the DGCs till the last minute so I don't know what to get from us because of potential duplication.

And then of course I think of presents from me for all of them. Presents which show LOVE, and INSIGHT, and the fact you've, you know, THOUGHT about someone throughout the year and what might make their life more pleasant.

But every year I need to think of a list four times the length it should be so I can carve them up for everyone. And then let's not forget the neighbours, the nursery staff, the babysitters, DB's new GF, the cleaner, bosses, DP's friends, my friends, all the people it would never occur to anyone else to think about. And don't get me started on the cards.

All that happens is the 10 millionth time I've emailed someone with 'why don't you get them...' they then ask 'and what about you', and I write 'oh, just a nice sit down and a cup of tea!' and so I end up with, I kid you not, a venetian blind cleaner from DM, which would be bad enough, but I DON'T HAVE VENETIAN BLINDS.

And then. AND THEN. She emails last night, bearing in mind I already have a pile of lovingly assembled gifts for her that I have been picking up throughout the year, to say, and I quote "you haven't asked about me. I don't want books or smellies or food or THINGS. I have had a lot of expenses with the car and the house, so maybe just some cash." I am tempted to get her a scratch and sniff recipe book.

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS THE WHOLE FRIGGIN' POINT OF PRESENTS?

And breathe. In a peace and goodwill and holly-topped kind of way. Love her really .

Thank you for listening. That will be all .

CaptainJane It's bloody bizarre isn't it!? When Mum said no to the straighteners I suggest a nice gift box from Lush as DD loves it so much but it's expensive. Again she refused "It's soap! I'm not buying soap!"

WELL DON'T BLOODY ASK THEN! THINK UP YOUR OWN GIFTS!

That's what DD wants fgs!

abs my Mum also has set amounts that she HAS to spend. If she's spent even a tenner more on one grandchild she hassles me to think of something else she can get for a tenner...

Every year have my mum, especially, asking what the family would like.

Me: "Well, dd1 would really like this play school kit."
dm: "that's a piece of useless tat."
Me: "I know, but it's what she wants"
dm "I'm not getting her that. what about you? My budget's £100"
Me: "Well, I'd really like this top, I've tried it on and it suits me and it would fill a gap in my wardrobe and it's £99."
Dm: "£99 FOR A TOP? No way."
Me: "But you said your budget's £100." etc etc through dd2, dh

I'm a bit jealous of all of you with relatives who either take an interest in giving gifts or bother to ask what your DCs want. If you don't want to give them gift suggestions, then don't. Suggest a couple of different shops to buy from, say what age children to buy for (always add a year or two to DCs ages) and let them figure out what to get. John Lewis, Next or M&S for GPs; TKMaxx, Waterstones, Argos, BHS, Accessorize or Boots for your siblings) and you just concentrate on making up little gifts for the teachers/bosses/neighbours/whoever and thinking of what you really want to get for your nearest and dearest. Best of both worlds.

We have Amazon gift lists - dh and I add stuff for us and ds (and you don't just have to link to Amazon). Then people can buy what they like off them, and they also act as my bookmarks for things I just think ds or I could do with anyway.
Ds now knows to ask to add stuff to his list too

Sorry for temporary thread disappearance! Well, I can't say I'm glad I'm not the only one because frankly there is far too much grief going on.

It would be SO NICE to get beautiful presents from everyone round the tree but, assuming that will never happen, which it won't, I am strongly tempted by the 'just for kids' rule. Otherwise, as people have said, you're just exchanging the unwanted and/or funding. Bizarre. And gives more upset than it does pleasure.

Bah!!!!

So there are others out there doing the 'demanding a list and then rejecting the items on the list' thing! It's maddening.

For Pete's sake, if you're going to ask for ideas then the least you can do is be glad someone's given you some. Not vet them and say 'No, that's not special enough/not expensive enough/not tasteful enough/not something I like myself. What were you thinking? Now get me some more ideas.'

I'm with you abs. We can be ungrateful witches together.

Amazon wish lists are the way forward!

So many people I buy for have specific hobbies that I don't know enough about to choose appropriate presents. One brother is in to American sports teams and another in to computer stuff. My friends are in to cameras, craft things and nail art.

I can look around for these items but I am never sure what they have or haven't got and which items would be worth having anyway. If they make a long list on Amazon I can choose a present and it still be a surprise.

I do the same for my children, they both have Amazon wishlists which are completely separate to my own list for them. I include a mixture of items ensuring there are a lot of options in the lower price range (although all items are under around £20) then try to put a note on explaining why it will appeal.

My family tend to choose from the Wishlist and my husband's family choose practical/useful presents which my mother in law phones and asks about in advance. So it works well.

Complete surprises are a lovely idea but can often be very hard to achieve. I would prefer to know I have got someone something they really want.

My Mum starts asking about present in June/July. She likes to be organised apparently
My birthday is in october and DS's is at end of november. In July she wants to know what we want for both our birthdays and xmas!
How do we know what we want for xmas until we know what we have got for our birthdays? Ds also has SN and i refuse to get him to do a xmas list in summer because he will then start to think it's getting near xmas.
When i do finally tell her what we want for xmas she completely ignores me and gets what she wants anyway.
However if you ask her what she wants for xmas any earlier than November then she says it is too early to think about xmas
This happens every year, she drives me absolutely bonkers.

To be honest I find it easier.

Both sets of parents and one brother spend £50 on each dd and my brothers spend £20. So for both dds I get asked to pick 3 x £50 presents and 3 x £20 present per child! Whilst I find it difficult, I understand why they ask.

Both sets have no idea what they're into or if anyone else has bought the kids it. I don't want them to ask the kids directly as such because a) they'll say the same thing to everyone so we get duplicates and b) I don't want the kids to know whose getting them what before the day.

Most of the time I pay and order the item and they just give me the money when we swap over.

I'd rather this than them both end up with over £200 worth of tatt or stuff I have to exchange because it's a duplicate or unwanted. They prefer it because it's easier and I prefer it as there not usually one present that wasn't wanted or needed. Plus i can sort ideas so they get so many toys and so many practical such as pjs or sport/ activity supplies.

I'd be less bothered if it was a £10 or less present as that's more a token gift but I'd hate for anyone to spend a lot and it be wasted.

I do however insist that all the main ones on the Santa list are the ones I get as I don't want the kids waiting all day for family to visit before they get the presents they want the most.

MIL always used to send money with a couple of days to spare. So, just when I thought I was finished, I had to buy more.

More recently, I have anticipated her doing this, so have asked the DC what they would like, and they have told me. I have bought the item and wrapped it up. So, not a surprise, but something they want.

Of course, we do get disapproval. One year DD1 asked for a printed t shirt. She got lots of "ribbing" about spending so much (£25) on a t shirt. Obviously £25 isn't a massively cheap t shirt, but isn't that what presents are? Something nice that you can't afford or justify or something you might not otherwise get? She didn't need the t shirt. She wanted it.

Agreeing and nodding with a lot of stuff on here.

The worst are a pair of DHs relatives who we haven't seen at all for about 3 or 4 yrs, but who still insist on swapping presents. We don't even see them to swap the presents - they usually drop them off at another relative's house. Sometimes we have 2 sets of presents to swap as we just never see them. Have tried to arrange to actually see them - they seem v resistant to this (we live less than an hour apart). Have also tried suggesting we stop swapping presents - they weren't happy with that suggestion either.

I give money to the children in my family specifically for their savings account because:

• they have so many toys I wouldn't know what to buy them

• what they like changes daily

• they have several hundred pounds worth of plastic tat toys gathering dust that I would rather my money served them well in their future.

Another one here who gets sick of the 'what's on the list for Xmas' question. I'd never experienced it before meeting DH and in laws. My family are into thoughtful gifts that mean something and don't clutter up people's homes.
In laws spend hundreds if not thousands on Xmas, despite all the children being grown up except my DD. I have to give them ideas for me, DH and DD, and not just from MIl and FIL but from BIL and two SIL, two sets of great grandparents, and great auntie... I try really hard to think of things so that DD will be happy when she opens it and I don't get the blame for a present she isn't fussed about.
It's exhausting! I'd rather ask for experiences and consumables for all of us, so my house isn't full up of junk.
This year I have the excuse that I'm due any day now and can't be worrying about other people's Xmas shopping for them
Hoping to break the tradition!

Threads like this remind me to be grateful for having a tiny family. And the few people that do buy don't like choosing so generally I get cash or a cheque in advance and have to choose something for them. Which is absolutely fine by me!

You just have to be firm with people, if you don't want to give them ideas tell them to decide themselves, but then don't complain about duplication or the odd inappropriate gift. For children I usually just get something, but if it is a close relative that I'm buying a reasonable amount for I usually let the parents have a vague idea what I'm getting or ask if there is anything particular wanted, so that they don't end up duplicated.

Some adults I know are not interested in giving ideas so I just get something, others I know prefer to get a specific requested item. Others vary so I usually ask if there is anything they want or if they'd prefer surprises.

OP, I've never heard of ILs buying for other ILs, if you know what I mean. Nothing wrong with that, but is that usual? I could see you would if you'd be together on Christmas day.

Yep, I have everyone on Xmas day...but when that hasn't been the case they've left presents here for each other. I guess it might be because we're the only offspring on either side who have offspring so maybe they're closer than normal????

Maybe, though I suppose once you've spent Christmas Day together and exchanged presents then you have to keep exchanging them no matter where you are or it looks bad . It is really nice that they get on, even though it means more present queries for you!

You know what, I might actually be brave at the Christmas dinner table and raise the whole silly business. Ha!!!

I wish MIL would ask, instead she buys crappy badly written books which DS1 looks at like this and which we then give to charity as soon as we can.

Or if we are about to go on holiday she gives him money in the currency of the country we're going to 'so he can go shopping'. WTF? He's 6. And we don't shop on holiday, we're on holiday! Grrrr.

Alibaba why don't you send her some suggestions anyway, you could say something like 'I know you like to get DS1 books, this is one he'd like if you want to get it for him...'.

I wouldn't be upset if someone gave me cash! My DN always has a bit of spending money to choose a souvenir on holiday, from younger than 6.

Declaring the inaugural meeting of the Ungrateful Witches Seasonal Society officially open...

Every year my side of the family ask me to get my DS his Xmas presents. They all give me a budget and I'm happy enough to make a list, do the shopping and even enjoying wrapping it all. But what really makes my blood boil is then not actually being given the money! It just seems to be overlooked and in the end I am then in the awkward position of either having to ask for it or footing the bill myself! Last year DSis gave me a £30 budget but then gave me a tenner on Boxing Day. This year it's money up front or nothing I'm afraid!