If BIL & SIL don't give a present/card to our DC, is money in a card ok for theirs?

[bronya]

I will have a new baby at xmas time this year, so shopping/wrapping etc will be a lot of effort when they don't go to any for ours. Do you think I could just bung £20 in a card for each of theirs, post it in early Dec and be done with it? It feels really lazy as a concept, but would make life so much easier! Their DC are Primary school age so I'm sure they could spend it quite happily!

If they don't buy or give to your dc, why don't you ask them if they want to forgo buying for each others kids? If not, there is nothing wrong with money in a card though Imo. I have 5 niece's and nephews, but only one is a 'proper' niece (as in,she is the child of my SIL, the other 4 are my DH'S cousins children.) I have a different arrangement with each family. With SIL we don't buy for each other, just the kids. With cousin one, we don't buy at all but have a play date close to Christmas and alternate hosting, with the other cousin we exchange gifts for the children.

I wouldn't bother if they're not bothering

I wouldn't bother either tbh.

I wouldnt give them anything if they dont bother with yours. I buy for my sisters children but not for others as we agreed it was all getting too much. If you did send money £10 each would be plenty if they arent sending anything for your children.

Thanks all, money in a card it is! I still want to send them something as it's not their fault that we don't receive anything. Just not really going to be up to the usual hours of present shopping, wrapping, posting etc this year!

Send a gift voucher, more likely to get there than cash in a card.

I would buy an Amazon voucher, slightly more 'thoughtful' than cash. (You can buy online & print them out at home or get then in the supermarket when shopping.

You sound really kind and generous OP. Another vote for Amazon vouchers. Do you think BIL/SIL could be hoping you might 'get the hint' and not exchange gifts? Perhaps ask?

Will look in Tesco for vouchers - not sure about Amazon 'cos they'll lose some of the cost in postage. If BIL/SIL never send again it doesn't bother me that much, but I'd like to send presents to the kids regardless. DH is useless and would never send anything, so it's up to me to do it!

I thought the whole idea of not bothering was so that none of you bothered.
Me and dsis decided on this as we both spent the same on each others dc, quite often money in one hand and out the next.
Now we don't bother and kids have always been fine with the arrangement.

If this is your first baby perhaps they have just thought you were buying for their dc and they will also buy for yours now you have them? This theory obviously wont be the case if you already have dc.

If you already have kids and they don't buy for yours then I wouldn't bother for theirs. If this is your first then it's a bit of a test case to see if they reciprocate. If they do, then carry on, if not then I wouldn't bother. And to answer original question, £ in a card is fine. It's for the child and any child is delighted to open a card and money to be in it. I know how I used to feel. The only folk who would think you took an easy option would be judgey adults and if they do bugger all, they are in no position to judge in the first place.

We have one DS already - we went from buying for everyone to just buying for the children when DS arrived. That worked for one xmas, then we were the only ones to buy last year.