How to convince DH that boys can have dolls?

[Nix01]

My 3 year old son has wanted a doll for ages. My mum saw one wearing blue (so a boy baby) on his wish list and she's bought it for him.

She also stupidly told DH that if it arrives here it will be returned and I should never have put it on the list etc etc.

Truthfully, he's being a total dick about the doll. He's got it in his head that boys do not have dolls and no one will convince him otherwise.

He's a very bright man and totally lovely but he's adamant on this. I want the doll. How do I convince him?

OP - can you ask him, in all seriousness, to explain to you why he doesn't think your DS should have a doll? Because I can think of several answers he might have, and a billion reasons why each of those answers aren't reasonable. If he articulated exactly why he doesn't think a doll is an appropriate toy for a boy then you might have something specific to work with.

Incidentally, does he actually share any of the care of your DS? Eg does he feed him, take him out, bath him, cuddle him if he's hurt, do bedtime / read bedtime stories, drop him off at nursery / childminder? Or do you pretty much do all of that?

Agree with the poster who mentioned Action Man.

Did your DH help care for your DS as a baby? Change nappies? Cuddle? Feed? Why can't your LO do the same for his baby?

One of my DSs (5 now) still breast feeds his cuddly animals at night before bed because his 'mummy milk' makes them 'sleepy'.

Ah, just saw last post, x posted there!

I just asked p if ds would play with the buggy I brought him with his genitals - (I hope I've worded that right, it sounded better spoken then written lol) and if not then the toy could be for either a boy or a girl.

He got the message

this
I've shared it numerous times on Facebook after people saw photos of ds taking his doll for a walk in the park with her pink buggy.
Someone even commented "I didn't know you had a girl I thought it was a boy!"
He is a boy, he just likes pink, he likes dolls etc
At his dance class they play with ribbons, round their wrists and wave them around the teacher insists ds should have a "boy" one even when he's stood in front of her with his hands out crying ad saying "pink!! Please!!" I've started getting a pink one for myself and swapping them.

It annoys me because the whole class is geared towards expressing themselves but they gender stereotype, also boycotting kindereggs until they stop with the pink and blue eggs.
I'm known as the mad feminist at dance class but I'm totally not genderising kids annoys me.

I know. We've had the serious convo and he's just adamant. In his Defence he's a great dad and very hands on (he even baths them every night). He's not sexist, chauvinist or even a homophobe so I don't know where this comes from, I can only guess his own fucked up childhood :(

"He's not sexist, chauvinist or even a homophobe"

Maybe you just have not had reason to examine this more closely until now.

But who wants the doll, and who wrote it on his list? YOU? Or him?

Because if it is just a question of YOU being adamant he has a doll, as opposed to your dh being adamant he doesnt, then this is a different issue of what you both are trying to project onto your son.

My son used to play with a doll in nursery. He loved lots of the toys in nursery, and we did not bother buying them all for home. It made nursery special that he could play with different toys there.

I think you might have misunderstood. Dos saw it, I put it on his wish list and dm was going to buy it. In any event, dm has not purchased it.

You tell him that if he feels like that then he can move out.

What if your son turns out to be gay, will he return him too? Or transexual?

In any case, I'd be telling him that I would not allow the doll to be returned. DS likes it and that's it.

The favourite childhood toy of DS (now 13) was a Bella rag doll (Tweenies).

He's at rugby training at the moment.

Oh... he also loved to wear his sister's clothes and dress-up 'clacky shoes' (especially the ones with fluff and jewels on the front).

Now he prefers a Hollister hoody, chinos and Converse pumps.

He would brush and plait my hair as we watched old musicals on DVD.

These days he does that with his older sister who has special needs.

I love how well rounded he is.

I'd buy at least 2 dolls for your ds if your dh is going to be such an arse about it. Fill the room with dolls and buggies!

"He's not sexist, chauvinist or even a homophobe"

Either this is true or your OP is true (that he doesn't want DS to have a doll). But I'm afraid they can't both be true.

Also to say that I bought DS a doll, complete with crib. It cried and giggled and had a bottle. DS enjoyed it while it made noises, but then got tired.
He still likes cars and footballs and anything with wheels.

A doll won't "spoil" your son, and if he turns out to be gay or whatever, then there's no amount of boy toys that will prevent it.

Show him this flow chart

randomyesusefulno.com/post/36822512261/is-the-toy-for-boys-or-girls-a-handy-flowchart

I have known grown men break down and cry when they describe how they were forced to "man up" and lose touch with traditionally "feminine" skills and values like caring, nurturing and listening. Please don't let that be your DS in 30 years time because his father is a sexist cock.

Reading your OP again I realize I have no clue what is going on:

"My 3 year old son has wanted a doll for ages. My mum saw one wearing blue (so a boy baby) on his wish list and she's bought it for him.

She also stupidly told DH that if it arrives here it will be returned and I should never have put it on the list etc etc."

ANd then you say:

"I think you might have misunderstood. Dos saw it, I put it on his wish list and dm was going to buy it. In any event, dm has not purchased it.F

She saw it on his wish list and bought it for him? Or she wrote it on his wish list and did not buy it?

Who is Dos? The dog?

I think OP's DH is possibly more scared of his son being girly than of his son being gay.

I'd put this down to sexism before homophobia - as many have pointed out, straight men are statistically more likely to have children than gay men.

OP, don't be too quick to blame his childhood. There are lots if strong societal messages eg gendered toy aisles that are in tune with his position. Better to work on the basis that he is allowing an unconscious prejudice to deny his child something and wouldn't it be fairer if he could rise above that?

Is your ds allowed to have friends who are girls and what does your dh expect to happen when your ds plays at their house?

Does he have to take his own toys or do you physically remove / stop him touching anything pink and deemed for females only by the toy police?

Your dh sounds a bit weird about it, if I saw him pushing a buggy or hugging his ds I wouldn't think he was a woman.

How sad. The fact that this little boy wants a doll, shows he has a caring personality that should be encouraged.
Not trodden all over.