How do you decide what to do at Christmas?

[Timpani]

Stupid question really but I'm indecisive by nature and by now people start asking what our plans are! People have often said to me to do what will please us as a family (of 3, nearly 4) the most but I can never decide WHAT would make me happiest.

DH live near my whole family and one of his siblings with children. We have DS1 (20 months) and at Christmas I'll be coming up to full term with baby 2.

Our usual family Christmas involves waking up here, going to my folks' for presents/lunch then staying there til gone 7/8 as the rest of the family turn up for tea (about 16 - gparents/cousins/aunts etc). This year, like a few years really, I don't really fancy that bit. It's too much for a nearly two year old and a heavily pregnant me. BUT I can guarantee that the family will be annoyed at us not being their to give DS (only great/grandchild) his present on the day. Equally, I don't want to be running around trying to pop to their homes earlier on in the day.

I am a natural pleaser and always try to please others before myself but I never know what to do for the best. I think DH would just just do what I want. We do possibly have the option of going to DH's sister's at some point which would be great but none of that is set in stone yet.

Argh, the stress of pre-Christmas starts from here for me!!

How do you decide? How do you please your own little family unit but manage everyone else's expectations?

Just tell people that you're not up to visiting this year, but you would love it if they could come round to visit you before going to your parents? Or that you would love to go for lunch but can't stay so late? You need to figure out what you want to do, then find a compromise for the others.

This is the first Xmas since I got rid of my car, so normally I'd drive over to the in laws, drive to see my mum, then see my grandparents for lunch. Not an option this year, grandparents have offered to pick me, DH and DS up, so have told the others that we would love it if they came round so children can swap presents but will need to be before 1pm. All fine, everyone happy :)

We alternate each year between my parents and in laws. My DB we see 26th or 27th. Basically we don't want to rush around seeing both families in one day. Not fair on DH (driver) or the DC (nearly 2 & 3.6 yo).

This way they get presents over three days, not all at once and we get quality time with everyone.

If I was in your position, I would make it vey clear that you will be leaving after DS1 nap in the afternoon as you will be very tired/struggling. Then it's up to them to see if they can come round earlier or arrange to meet up on a different day (26th or 27th).

The first time I didn't go to my parents for Christmas Day, I heard something on the radio which said 'no one over the age of 25 should have to justify what they want to do for Xmas.'
It does sound a tad harsh, especially if you are a people pleaser. But, it's your Christmas and should do what suits you and your family.
In my opinion this is more apparent when you're heavily pregnant and therefore do whatever you like!

The first christmas DP and I were together we decided we were going to stay home on our own. 18 christmas' and 5 DC later we still spend it at home just us.
We shut the door Christmas eve and open it again sometime between Christmas and new year.
It works forus because we told everybody at the beginning what we were going to do.

And if you don't make a stand this year, with the fact you are heavily pregnant and with a toddler on your side, you will be stuck doing it forever perhaps you could go into labour?

Me and DH argue about it for about 3 months beforehand. He feels we should go to his parents for 3 or 4 days for Xmas every year. I disagree. We have exactly the same argument about 20 times between Oct - Dec EVERY BLOODY YEAR.

Step one: be really honest with yourself - what do you want to do? Ignore everyone else at this stage.

Step two: what "should" you do? What would be "fair" based on previous years?

Step three: if parents and in-laws are involved, what are siblings doing? Is it someone else's turn to "have" the parents?

Step four: who wants to see your children on Christmas Day, and who wouldn't kind seeing them on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day instead?

I think hear are the four steps you need to find a fair compromise. Step one is very important.

Don't be forced into anything you don't want to do. It's your Christmas too!

Also, it's a long day - depending on when you normally eat your main meal, you could see people for breakfast or an evening buffet.

Good luck!

Thanks all! I need to decide what I want to do. I definitely want someone else cooking ;)

I really like that quote about being over 25! I was telling DH last night about a thread I read on here about not feeling grown up like your parents used to at your age and I guess I'm still like that with Christmas!

I hope I don't go into labour, it'll be a tiny bit too early!

Will have a think/chat to DH and be strong!

I never know what to do either

My parents & siblings & their families all live 3 hours drive away
None of them travel at Xmas
So if we want to see them we have to travel there

Then dh's parents live 6 hours away, sometimes we invite them here but I found it very stressful having them to stay
Or we go there which I find very stressful staying with them

I like sleeping in my own bed, it's all I want for Christmas every year!

We used to alternate between Dh's parents and my parents each year. When we had kids we said that we were staying at home. People are welcome to come to us.

My parents usually come down early December (they would babysit for us to go to Dh's work Xmas party but he's changed jobs so there won't be one this year). We'll sometimes go up to them for New Year.

Dh's parents come when it suits them but never Xmas day (MIL's sister is divorced and they like to do something that involves her at Xmas). Mind you, when they came for Boxing Day MIL was fucking rude rather ungrateful for the buffet. Apparently she had expected me to cook Xmas dinner again especially for her despite the fact she'd had Xmas dinner cooked for her by other relatives on Xmas Day. So she wandered around the kitchen pretending not to understand how a buffet works ("Is this it? Is this the food? What do I do? Can I have some of this? Is this what we're having? Is this turkey? Are these bread rolls? Should I be making sandwiches? I thought you'd have made Xmas dinner for us. Have you not made Xmas dinner? Did you not have Xmas dinner than? I don't know what I'm supposed to have." while Dh sighed and said "Just have what you want, how you want" and I tried to refrain from sarcasm ) then sat with a face on. Last year we were alone for the whole Xmas period and it was bliss

craftynclothy lol at MIL, sure it wasn't funny at the time though!

How about having a relaxing time at home until the usual time your family have tea, then go for a couple of hours so that everyone can see your DC and do presents. If you try to get a good sleep (and toddler also) during the day it shouldn't need to be too arduous. Make it conditional upon you not being in labour or even showing vague signs of, so that family are aware they might not see you all. Keep going on about being full term, you don't know what might happen, you can't promise etc. and that you aren't going to exhaust yourself to please everyone else, you need your strength.

I wouldn't worry about food, your DC won't care what she has for Christmas lunch.

I love having Christmas at home, just the four of us.

We don't feel the need to do anything to any timetable, we can chill out and dinner will be ready when it's ready (we usually eat between four and five), lots of snacks, treats and cosy telly watching.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

We have Christmas at home every year. A couple of times my mum has come and stayed with us but she is not able for that anymore.

So, as long as my mum is sorted by being at someone else's which she usually is, then we do our own thing.

Any other visiting gets done before or after Christmas.

Your parents and in-laws had their time with their own little ones to have Christmas at home. It's your turn to do what suits your own family.

Christ, don't invite anyone to yours. Go just before lunch, leave after the Queens speech. Once home, put feet up and crack open the Quality Street.