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Christmas

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Original poster

Christmas presents have to stay at GPs house.

21 replies

ChocolateCoins · 06/12/2012 20:02

Me, DP and toddler DD are going to DPs grandparents house for Christmas day. I seethem as his parents as they brought him up they are quite young for great grandparents.

Anyway, getting to the point! GMIL told me that all DDs presents from them would be saying at her house and DD wouldn't be allowed to take them home. I didn't say anything but though this was a bit weird. Does anyone else do this? We do visit quite alot but still.

OP posts:
ByTheWay1 · 06/12/2012 20:07

not really presents then are they? A present is the recipient's to do with as they wish....

How about buying them a present that has to stay at yours?

Original poster
ChocolateCoins · 06/12/2012 20:09

Hmm that's what I thought. I can't really say anything though can I? Would seem very ungrateful. Which I'm not! But I'd rather choose the toys for them to have at their house.

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 06/12/2012 20:12

No that's barking. Them not you. If they want to have toys kept at their house they should buy some (my mum buys from charity ships for this purpose) not hijack so called gifts.

Original poster
ChocolateCoins · 06/12/2012 20:38

Thats what they normally do. I think DD actually has more toys there than she does here!

OP posts:
GeraldineH · 06/12/2012 20:43

I think its quite mean of them and would privately be quite cross with them but would just say something like 'oh thats a shame, she will be sad that she can't have them, I think she would love playing with them everyday'
Also, when your DD wants to take her new favourite whatever-it-is home with her I'd make sure they are on hand to explain why she can't have her new toy.

RedTinsel · 06/12/2012 20:56

Kind of depends what it is. A couple of years ago my MIL bought mine DCs scooters to stay at hers, fine they already had scooters at home.

Wait till you see what it first, she might have bought a shit load of Hama beads and moon sand, trust me, you don't want that at your house.

bamboostalks · 06/12/2012 20:59

It's a bit controlling. Can't believe people get so het up about something so minor in the scheme of things. Kids have toys, they get trashed, pieces go missing....big deal. Life has bigger challenges. Of course they should go home if the kids want them at home.

LemonMousstletoeandWine · 06/12/2012 21:02

Maybe they've bought something like a swing set for the garden? Now I can understand something big like that staying there, but smaller indoor toys I think DD should be allowed to take home. Seems an odd sort of thing to do.

Chubfuddler · 06/12/2012 21:02

Why have you permitted this situation to continue if its what they have always done?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 06/12/2012 21:03

Xmas presents given to 3yo dgs in my house will stay here, unless there's a particular item he wants to take home to his mum's (hope for her sake he doesn't want to take the five-foot cardboard rocket. Grin ) He's here two or three days/nights a week, he needs toys here, and I don't see why they should be charity-shop finds.

Chubfuddler · 06/12/2012 21:05

That's fine if its what the child wants, and what their parents want. But I think it is very a bit controlling to have a dictat that gifts stay in your house.

Original poster
ChocolateCoins · 06/12/2012 21:10

This is the first time they have mentioned it. This is DDs second ever Christmas. Last year we were at my families (over end of the country)

I already know what they are getting her. Just typical indoor plastic toys ect.

Lady, I see what you mean but I would happily take a selection of DDs toys over to their house. That offer has been there since she was 6 months old but they prefer to buy their own from charity shops.

I suppose its not that much of a big deal. Just thought it was a bit odd.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChocolateCoins · 06/12/2012 21:11

OTHER end of the country.

OP posts:
MincePiesAddict · 06/12/2012 23:12

My parents offer to keep their gifts to DS at their house, but it's more to try and help DH and I stop our house becoming overrun with toys. They don't 'ban' DS from taking them home - that is odd.

fuzzpig · 07/12/2012 05:37

I think DD may be at the age where she will be quite vociferous about this! She might get very upset about it. If this happens, make sure you don't explain/pacify her, but get your GPILs to do it. Maybe then they'll understand how ridiculous and unfair their plan is.

I do think it's sensible to have toys at their house if your DC visits/stays a lot (does she?) but to ban them from taking them home is mean.

FairyTrain · 07/12/2012 13:18

I try and persuade my PIL to keep some of the endless junk presents that they buy for my DCs at their house, to keep it from entering my house....maybe they don't want to overload your house with toys and are trying to be thoughtful....

crocodilesmiles · 07/12/2012 14:18

The first Christmas after I left home I bought my little sister some lego bricks. Before I gave them to her I spoke to my mum about it, and said she could keep them round my house.

My mum told me what a stupid idea it was, that my sister would be upset and it would be unfair on her.

The thing is I meant it to be a nice thing. My home-life when I lived at home was horrible, and I knew that I wasn't leaving my mum and brother and sisters in a very nice place. By having her lego bricks at my house I was trying to show my sister she would still be a BIG part of my life. My way of saying "Look, you're coming to my house lots. Your toys are here for you and everything". I realised that it wasn't a good idea and got different toys to keep at mine.

If you do say anything to her be gentle about it.

It might just be her clumsy ill-thought out way of showing YOU she loves dd, enjoys having her round at her house, and can see her spending LOTS of time round there in future. Smile x

laptopdancer · 07/12/2012 14:34

How often is your dd there OP?

KirstenChenoworth · 07/12/2012 14:44

My PILs used to do this and the poor DDs only see them a few times a year (in spite of them living less than a mile away). However the PILs used to ask for ideas for presents - so guess where the glittery craft kits are kept! (grin)

Toughasoldboots · 07/12/2012 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BerthaTheBogBurglar · 07/12/2012 14:48

Buy them something that you'd like for your house. Gift-wrap it, give it to them, and then take it back and explain that you're keeping it at your house, and they can use it when they visit ...

Well, maybe don't start WWIII just yet. Go with the flow. The less toys in your house, the better, surely?

How often do you see them? Is this a controlling way of making you visit more, because dd will want to play with her toys? Or is it them trying to be parents again, setting up the playroom in their house and failing to adapt to being grandparents rather than parents? Or are they being thoughtful - they've bought something big/messy and they don't want to burden you with it? Or wanting to make sure your daughter loves her visits to them? Or are they just barking?

If your dd wants to take her presents home, pick them up and take them. If GMIL stops you, you'll know her motives weren't good ones, and you can say "no, you gave these to dd so they don't belong to you any more".

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