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Christmas

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Original poster

Sorry,long way of but, I would like to know who you spend Christmas day with?

73 replies

rainclouds · 17/06/2012 19:42

I never spend Christmas with my family,have always spent whilst in my mid 20's with my best friend,my parents dont really celebrate they are not religious,just lazy.

I have my own family now have done for many years ,Mil like's to see both her sons every year even though they are grown up with families of their own,which I appreciate but it leaves me feeling restricted as she expects to see them on Christmas day.

I dont get on with sil and its tense at any social gatherings ,Christmas is even worse im gritting my teeth every year,she will compare the childrens presents,and the kids argue she get's shitty and I have to bite my tongue to the point I hate christmas or any social function.

Sil alternates with dinner with her mum and mil,last year we all had tea together and the granchildren opened presents whilst she barely talked and I felt it was a awful atmosphere.

This year I want mil to go there for dinner or us and alternate tea between us both,how do I get dp on my side and aibu?.

What would you do ?

And what do you do on Christmas day?

OP posts:
stookiesackhouse · 17/06/2012 19:45

We alternate. I would have no qualms saying that we are going to have a quiet one at home though if that's what I wanted.

Your mil shouldn't be able to dictate dtdtwthmg Christmas OP.

stookiesackhouse · 17/06/2012 19:45

*dictate every Christmas

Seona1973 · 17/06/2012 19:47

we spend it ourselves as a family and then go to my mums on boxing day. DH's parents live 300+ miles away so we dont see them over christmas

Softlysoftly · 17/06/2012 19:50

Married a Muslim purely so I always get Christmas with my family as I luff it!

DH is pushing for a Christmas on our own, he's never going to win that one.

Yanbu if you do it gently.

JumpingThroughHoops · 17/06/2012 19:51

Have no family other than immediate so its just DH and children.

If, big IF, Dbro is in the country, then he may join in on Boxing Day.

However when there was an extended family, MIL would do Xmas Day, DM would do Boxing Day, I would do NYday, and we would all move one step the following year. That only works of course if you have a fairly small nuclear family and they all get on. ILs and parents got along fine. So they were always welcome at each others houses. Unmarried siblings always came along.

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 17/06/2012 19:53

After one too many disastrous Christmas's with family I'm staying at home this year with the kids. Tough titties to anyone else and their agenda for their perfect day Grin

oreocrumbs · 17/06/2012 19:53

We spend the morning at home, lunch with my parents and brother and tea at PILs.

Could you invite MIL for lunch, and if SIL is mentioned just say you can't really accomodate any more people, and that perhaps MIL can have SIL for tea?

Or speak to DH about how much this upsets you and ask him to have a word with his family.

lovebunny · 17/06/2012 19:55

say what it is you want, and stick to it. its the only way.

ENormaSnob · 17/06/2012 19:57

We had everyone at ours last christmas day for a buffet.

It was brilliant.

Will probably be working it this year.

cricketballs · 17/06/2012 20:15

I grin and bear it! Whilst I love my ILs I would love to spend xmas with just us (in fact when DS1 was a baby I told them I wouldn't let them in the house until we did our thing Grin

I have learnt that my 'family' isn't just us but also my parents, sister, his parents etc and xmas is a time when we should all be together...so we all try to find time over the holiday (even if it is not on xmas/boxing day to spend time together)

Tinkerisdead · 17/06/2012 20:22

We spend xmas just us. All our parents are seperated so four sets. When dd1 was born i refused to leave our house. I said as xmas is about children i'm never taking my child out on xmas day. I dont want them to be caught up opening stuff then change etc as we're off to nanny's.

Any of them are welcome to join us but they dont. Yipeeeee.
We do mil and my mum on xmas eve and boxing day and our dads the week before xmas. Last year i was 8 months pregnant and drove around doing visits until the 28th so this year i'm staying put!!

BackforGood · 17/06/2012 20:23

When my dcs were little, I did the "expected" alternating once at our Mums and once at MiLs, but it just got to the stage when it was not relaxing or enjoyable at all. So I just said (plenty of notice) that we were just going to have Christmas Dinner on our own at home, and everyone was surprisingly understanding, and then admitted that's what they'd done once the children were no longer babies! We do have a 'buffet tea' with MiL and Sil + family and BiL+ family one day soon after Christmas, which is a lot nicer, as it's not Christmas day and it's not so frantic, or tense, somehow. Now we vary - are rarely on our own, but tend to invite some part of either of our families to us, or go to someones. I don't like being on our own the whole day, but I don't like this "pack the house with as many people as you can and expect everyone to get on" mentality either.
So much depends on ages and tempraments and expectaions and distance to have to travel, it's just one of those things you have to work out for your own family.

Fourthdimensionallizard · 17/06/2012 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dinosaurdrip · 17/06/2012 20:25

We have spent every year at home since DCs were born and pils come round for a few hrs to watch DCs open some presents, they then go home for their lunch and we have ours. We go to DM on boxing day as she usually works christmas day and DC have their presents from my side of family then.

This year I will either be overdue with DC3 or have a new baby if all goes well and so we have invited pils to come to ours and have lunch so they can hopefully help. I'm due on 23rd December so who knows what will happen.

Princesslovelyboo · 17/06/2012 20:30

I would ask DH to alternate xmas the mil with the sil so you don't have to see her there, and say that when she has xmas with mil you will have a quiet one with your family at home. We tend to have xmas at home with DH and DC's, every few years we have my mother over - tis our turn this year and I an already dreading it - always have boxing day with the mil :(

VodkaJelly · 17/06/2012 20:31

When the kids were small me and my brother (and kids and DP's) all used to go to our parents, but my dad couldnt handle the noise of the kids (6 of them) and used to lose his rag and shout at the kids, it was like waiting for the fireworks to begin, I couldnt relax.

10 years ago I decided that we were staying at home with the kids and refused all invites and it has stayed this way since then and I love it, wouldnt change it for the world, pJ's all day, watching what we want on the tv.

Dinosaurdip I can beat that one, i am due on Christmas Day! So God knows what is going to happen this year

Hexenbiest · 17/06/2012 20:38

We are on our own and love it.

We visit extended family at Easter - better weather for traveling, less pressure to enjoy, and more likely we can enjoy countryside rather than be stuck in smaller house with few distractions for the DC.

We get occasional moans but as it the only time we have just us and we actually stop, the family tag along on our holiday, we ignore.

Hexenbiest · 17/06/2012 20:41

The family usually come over at certain points in Dec the more local family few days before and we insist encourage the DC open the presents then so people who have bought them see them doing so and so they are not overwhelmed on Christmas day.

jollyrancher · 17/06/2012 20:44

We have open house. Anyone can come (if they pre warn) but we don't go anywhere. One year we had just us and dcs, another we had all parents, all our siblings with partners and dcs but it usually ends up being just 10-15 of us.

Original poster
rainclouds · 17/06/2012 20:48

Vodkajelly im right where you were this is what happens with us the fout of them get together he gts angry take sthe oldest out of the room,thats hwen the silent treatment starts,I hate it.

I cant relax I feel I cant make my kids day special the way I never had it,I feel selfish although Im happy to have mil and fil ove just not sil as it adds to the fire and them we have fireworks all in one ,it then becomes hard work and im ready to ignite.

I feel that bad it about it all,that I would like to suddenly win a holiday for christmas which is even better and we can clear off {grin}.

OP posts:
Hexenbiest · 17/06/2012 20:51

I do have friends who go out for a meal together - apparently that is easier as you can turn up and leave under your own stream and it less strained atmosphere if someone isn't stressing about cooking or entertaining guests. Maybe an option to consider ?

But in your case can't you just ring SIL saying this is what we are doing so are you having MIL for dinner or tea then tell MIL and DH what is decided?

I got Christmas to ourselves by saying that was what was happening and DH went along with my New Year compromise visit. He now really values the time together and the relaxed home atmosphere so he doesn't really want change either.

Craftymoo · 17/06/2012 20:52

The last few years I have had both sets of parents to us for Christmas Day and I have run myself ragged sorting it all out (I work full time). Started it as both our parents had suffered the loss of their mums (a tough few years) and I didn't want them to be sitting at home feeling lonely etc.
However, last year was a disaster, I felt rubbish and no-one offered to help DH or I at all. So, this year....we are pissing off to Bultins for Christmas- I can't wait! No cooking, organizing pantomime trips/ Santa visits, just the chance to drink at lunchtime because I won't have to drive anywhere.

Hexenbiest · 17/06/2012 20:53

Perhaps keep an eye out for last minute Christmas deals?

I know people who've done center parcs at Christmas though they had extended family they took with them- not my idea of fun

Hexenbiest · 17/06/2012 20:55

Maybe start an conversation reminding him how he hasn't enjoyed the last few Christmases with his family and run a few suggestions past him he may then jump at the alternatives.

Ishoes · 17/06/2012 20:56

We used to spend alternate years at my mums/inlaws until I fell out with my mum 4 years ago. Mil took that as a green light that we spent every xmas with herHmm

Last year I put my foot down and we stayed at home!! was bloody fantastic! I know mil wasnt happy but she had an accident just before xmas so didnt kick off too much. This year I predict that she will make a HUGE fuss when I tell her we will be staying home againGrin

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