Is it too early for a parent in law rant?

[3duracellbunnies]

We haven't even got there yet and already feeling grouchy. Finally managed to get dh to speak to FIL re food. He buys, I cook, but he never buys enough and I end up shopping boxing day! He gets angry that we don't trust him to get enough food for a 'perfect Christmas'(his words). Have so far established he has a 750g gammon to feed 8 on boxing day, 1kg potatoes between 6 on Christmas day and 8 on boxing day, no carrots, chestnuts, cranberry sauce, red cabbage or milk. Not to mention the added bits like fizzy drinks for children when we have wine, pigs in blankets etc.

Hence I found myself scrabbling around picking up rubbish after the bin liner split at 6am when I decided I had better put bins out before I braved sainsburys this morning. I know strictly speaking it is hard to blame him for the bin incident, but I wouldn't be emptying them at that time if I hadn't been off to sainsburys. At least once I got inside it felt more like 10:30 on a saturday morning. Grr not even got there yet.

Who buys?
Dh or fil?
That sonuds pretty hopeless.

Its never too early for an in Law rant, rant away. Technically your bins incident is not related, but yeah, blame relatives if it makes you feel better.

Get on with the shopping, stick a coathanger in your mouth and :) :) :)

Ask him for the money & shop yourself?
Don't invite him next year?

How can you plan the cooking if someone else is buying. This is a system error. Either give him a list, or give him the bill, or do it yourselves.

We go to his house, but he insists on doing the shopping, but once we get there he sits down and wants everything done his way by us. At least we managed to identify some of the gaps before Christmas this year after lots of bugging of dh by me. Next year - my parents, altogether less work, more organised, shops will be open again by the time we get to him :)

Is FIL very elderly? I have found that the older they are, the less they eat and think therefore that is what everyone else eats portionwise. The first year we were together we went to my FIL for Christmas and his shopping was a bit spartan. We actually took over the cooking of Christmas lunch because he was struggling a bit even with help. We managed to peruade him to come to us for Christmas each year after that so that he wouldn't need to worry about anything and he loved it.

I think with a strong minded gent like your FIL you might need to approach things differently. This year get by as best you can, next time you are due to go to him for Christmas make a plan well in advance. Either he comes to you for Christmas where you do the planning and shopping, he gives you money in advance and you do the shopping and bring it to his when you come, or give him a shopping list with clearly marked quantities if he wants to shop himself. If it was me I wouldn't trust him with a list because he would decide to leave items off as unnecessary, or ignore the quantities, or even forget items.

I think DH needs to have this discussion with his DF, especially as he wants you to do the meals the way he likes them, explain that you would rather spend time with him than rushing around the supermakets for more food because there isn't enough, and ask him whether a different approach might be easier all round. I was lucky that my FIL was quite happy to eat whatever I cooked because he lived on ready meals most of the time. I appreciate that your FIL is more challenging, although it never hurts to take a few extras with you that you know he will never remember.

Oh dear you are you are relying too much on these men, and they seem hopeless regarding catering and organisational skills. If you always expect them to get it wrong every year then you dont need this grouch every year, just ignore every thing they plan and plan it yourself and your be much happier and be able to plan earlier.

I think you are right. He wouldn't come here, as he would say it is too far, and we don't have the space, he sees it as an afront that we feel the need to suppliment what he is providing, but with three LOs they need to be fed. I think next time we will say for him to order from his butcher that has faithfully providing the meat for years from his best friend's farm and tastes far better than any shop meat blah blah blah; and we will do an online shop for the rest. The precise saucepans to use and the appropriate serving dishes debate will still ensue though!