Sorry to be the 'party pooper', but does Christmas (or more precisely 'everyone else's Christmas) make you profoundly depressed?

[MrsSeanBean]

I feel such a general failure at this time of year. My house is undecorated (Christmas wise and generally), cluttered, and messy.

I have barely any presents (except for DS) and genuinely can't be bothered.
DH is working Christmas day.
My mum has Dementia.
I will be home alone with DS and feel so sorry for him that I am such a useless parent. :-(
Am I the only one.....?

Good for you Mrs Bean. Do you know, the more effort you put in, as difficult as that can be, the more you will enjoy your Christmas day, and feel some pride for what you have managed to do.

Actually - maybe staples?

Hmm, I'd thought of staples - but could be a bit dodgy with a 4 year old.
Unless there are 'safe' child friendly staplers?

Hhhmmm - not that I know of. Let's say tape then, and you can quietly staple any ones that look a bit loose later when he's not looking.

Agree totally with Volvomo.

If you could force yourself to do something with your son, it might make you feel better about it all.

I am quite lazy by nature and being a single mum I would quite happily not bother at all. But I have made extra effort this year and baked cakes and cookies and made salt dough decorations for the tree. And It really has made me feel a lot better about christmas than i have done in years.

The paperchains - I find blue-tack is the best, it does less damage coming off again!

You sound so sad, I feel really :( for you.

FWIW - we are going to visit my parents for Christmas, as we do every year, and on Boxing Day we will go from there for the day to spend the day with MIL, FIL and I think also BIL and family. So on the surface a lovely, happy time.
Which it will be, but it isn't without stresses underneath.
I and one of my siblings don't get on, and I also loathe his wife but will have to tolerate and slap a smile on. With the ILs it will be nice for the kids to all get together, but DH and his Dad have a difficult relationship at the best of times which breaks out into a full-blown row every now and again. Will Boxing Day be one of those days? Who knows...

Your day sounds lovely to me, you can please yourself, have the whole day to play with your son, eat what you like when you like.

Is there something in the background that means you don't like Christmas? You say you never used to decorate for yourself, which I always have done.
What time will your DH be home? Will he be there for stocking opening in the morning?

We always have stockings even for the adults, which is what my parents did when we were growing up to help with the Father Christmas myth. Can you get a few little bits for your Mum and you and DH (nuts, satsumas and an apple make a good beginning).
Also - do you leave a glass of sherry, a carrot (for the reindeer) and a mince pie out for Father Christmas? I loved doing that as a child and DS1 is looking forward to doing it this year.

Agree with Volvo, just doing something, anything, will make you feel a teeny bit better. I doubt that your DS is judging you though.
I hope you have a good Christmas, despite everything. There is a lot of expectation heaped on at this time of year, but I am sure most of it is just a sales pitch.

I just got a 5ft tree in Homebase for £3.49 today and even the next one up was only £4.99, also 80 lights for £5.99 so all for under a tenner. Snowflakes are great to make - just cut a circle of plain paper, fold into quarters or eighths and snip bits out before opening out again. A bit of glitter on them makes them even better! (Sorry, went into primary school teacher mode there!)

mrsSB B&Q had 75% off their decorations today.

TBH I'm not feeling festive. Have pretty much finished the shopping but the tree isn't going up until Weds once I've finished work. Because I don't let the kids watch adverts they don't want anything (they're 5 & 3), which is great in some ways but they aren't very excited either .

I have to go to my stepmums on Xmas day. Basically, my Xmas will start when I get home at tea-time and have a glass of wine.

We just have a tree, advent calenders and the odd (and I mean odd) thing they have made at school. Is all in a corner of the conservatory. We have a tradition that each year each child chooses a new tree decoration. Why not get a tree, a few baubles and let him choose a decoration? Hoping today to bake some orange slices when we bake the christmas cake today.

I think the main thing is to get you + him in a happy mood. Our LO love going round the neighbourhood and admiring the decorations others have put up though I probably should stop commenting on their electricity bill.

It is hard if you have to work on christmas day, but my most memorable christmas days as a teenager were either helping my dad in a soup kitchen or visiting the old people in the nursing home my mother worked in. Would you be able to visit your dh at work briefly on the day? My girls thought it was really nice that I had helped others.

My mum was a nurse and I always remember the year (only one!) that she had to work on christmas day, we spent the afternoon decorating the dining room and preparing a special surprise supper for when she returned. The food was quite simple, soup and cheese and mince pies etc, but the fun of getting it all ready made for great excitement. Could you do something similar with ds?

We also used to love going to see a christmassy display at a garden centre and then picking a little decoration each. It wouldn't need to much effort for you but could be a nice trip for your son. Although I blame this tradition for my secret longing to cover my house in christmas lights till people can see it from space

I know what you mean about not feeling like you're measuring up. I think we're all different - I'm pretty excited with Christmas stuff so I get into the decorating and so on, because it's nice for me. Not about the kids at all!

But the rest of the house is pretty dire, we are untidy, I wish we weren't sometimes, and other people seem to have so much more acceptable houses. And lives, in general.

And they do things with their children which I never want to/have the time or energy for, or the patience...and they go on holidays, which we never do, and they seem to get it 'right' where I fail constantly.

The thing is to be so busy doing YOUR own thing, as a person or as a family, that people wonder what you're up to, and you don't have time to worry too much about the stuff they are doing.

Big yourselves up. You are the Sean Bean family and you are special and important and you do Christmas YOUR way, for a reason, whatever it might be.
I find people actually respect you if you appear to be confident and happy in your own lifestyle.

I read something once - a quotation from someone, it was something like, be yourself, and shine out like a beacon, with your own style, your own way of life, and people who understand your way of being will see it and flock to you.

Don't worry what anyone else would think. It's not about them. And I'm sure your boy is perfectly happy.

Don't worry about what other people think. It's what your son thinks that matters - and you and your dh of course! Believe me, last year I made my own wreath, own cards, and I was stressed and miserable. This year, I'm doing bare minimum, and much happier for it.

Could you pop to supermarket/b&q (pref at a quieter time!), with your ds, and get him to choose lots of bits? I'm sure he'd really enjoy that, then you can make a treat of it and go for a mince pie & drink together in cafe after?

Asda had a 5ft Christmas tree for 5 pounds yesterday, think items pre lit too.

I live in a small house with no storage I use rubble sacks ( very strong) to dump everything in and then stick it in he spare room thus creating the illusion of tidiness.

My DP has been away all of December, as a non driver I could not get a tree. So he is home Thursday so we have a couple of days then, so its not too late for you.

I have no food shopping as i have been waiting for courier order ( grrr to courier firms). So thats still to do..

My mother has dementia too she doesn`t know who I am if I ring. She does not remember my toddler son he does not exist in her world. If there is a magical fairy doing the rounds I would wish our mums better even if for one day.

Best wishes ..

A good Christmas is mostly a state of mind.

Your DS is 4 years old. You owe it to him to be happy at Christmas. Granted it is harder to create the Christmas atmosphere with just the two of you. But it IS possible and you CAN do it. The fact you have posted here shows you are looking for support and are open to inspiration.

Forget everyone else and how they do Christmas. You just do the maximum you can, with a great big smile.

Take the very good advice given here. Lots of great ideas that only cost pence. Like I said. it's the state of mind that counts, so fake it until you feel it. With a 4 year olds natural enthusiasm you can carry each other along.

Do it for your DS. If you are jolly and involved thats pretty much it. So much fun to be had with a little child at Christmas. Paper chains, cutting out snowflakes, baking mince pies, singing Christmas songs, watching Christmas programmes on TV, making crackers.

I know it's hard but you need to be firm with yourself. Make a short list of two things you can do with your DS in a day. ie Make paper snowflakes, bake mince pies. Get the stuff you need together. Then just DO IT. Don't think too hard about it. Just DO something.

Your DS will think you are even more amazing than he does already and to him. You have the power to make his Christmas. Even if you try but it doesn't quite go to plan, you have TRIED.

Good luck x now switch of the computer and go and do something more Christmassy instead

Thanks so much for the further ideas and inspiration on here.
(Sadly visiting DH is absolutely impossible!!)

Other people's lives and houses do always seem better - but I suppose it's mostly an illusion. DS loves to help cook things, so the mince pies - and even the cake @ Tesco referred to earlier are great suggestions.

OP we should have got together this Christmas! (see here)

One of the things I'm planning is snuggling down and watching Christmas cartoons on youtube on the day, like . All the old school ones. And maybe if I can find a copy of the Snowman, that too. I've made decorations out of paper very quickly and cheaply and salt dough decs are fun and cheap. There is still stuff you can do with your ds that hasn't been planned and stuff what everyone else is doing. This is your Christmas. It is what you make it.

OP: Dont compare yourself to others...that way madness lies!!!

Seriously, some people whose xmases are ruined every year by horrid relatives and long/difficult journeys would be very envious of your intimate xmas.

How about a ticket for a panto for your ds??? Is there one on locally where you are? They always make me feel very festive!

I am also not feeling very festive this year - long story! - but am trying for the dcs sake.

Made an xmas cake yesterday and will make some mince pies later in the week.

How about making cut out snowflakes?? Or xmas shaped biscuits?

A stocking to open on xmas eve - when your dh is there? - filled with choc and a christmassy dvd for you all to watch???

Sorry, my ideas arent very good, but I am sure someone will be along soon with some good ones!!

I hope you have a merry xmas x

SadChristmas - just read your other thread... - how kind of you to go to so much trouble.

I hope the teenagers appreciated your kindness - maybe they are just 'too cool' for long thank-yous- which doesn't help I know! Such a shame about the gingerbread house too - you sound so kind and thoughtful. I hope your day with your dad goes OK. I know what you mean about it being stressful but not wanting not to see someone!

If it all gets too sad on Christmas day, maybe there'll be at least two of us online to try to cheer each other up!

Thank you Bercaroo as well.

and TY fidgetysheep.

Come on Mrs SB (what a lovely husband you have!)
I am not a big Christmas soul, and ds and dh are going to Oz on Xmas day, leaving me and dd 15.
I have just bought my M and S steak and kidney pie, and sprouts....dark choc ginger for me, Percy pigs for dd. We have got a little tree, bought a jigsaw and the Radio Times.
I shall come on here on the day and want to see you on here, having a lovely time in your own way.
Other people's Xmases may sound fantastic, but Just read some of the MN posts....Mils and SIls from hell, arguments about food, credit cards maxxed.

Have a lovely time!!!!