Kids at school told ds about Santa :-(

[jenni75]

Hi, wonder if you can me your advice, ds (7) came home from school and said he knew the truth about santa because kids in his class had told him, I was shocked
I said that was an awful thing that they said and of course there is a santa, and that santa would only come if he was a beleiver.
Last nite i said to ds at bedtime, ' come on now, bedtime, santa will be watching' to which he replied, ' i don't beleive in him'

Help needed to keep the dream alive , i have 2 other children 9 and 10 who do beleive still

Can you tell him some people believe in him and some don't? Our DS is 4 and knows this, for some it's a religious holiday etc.....but in our family we believe in Santa.....get some sort of letter sent from Santa confirming his existence?

they've got to 9 and 10 and still haven't figured it out?

You can't make a kid believe. When DS1 told me, in Jan this year, that he didn't think it was possible for the tooth fairy and santa to be real, I asked him who he thought gave the presents, and he thought for a while before beaming and saying "you do!". I told him that he was now a secret-keeper, and he wasn't to tell other children, because it's fun believing in santa and the kids have to work it out for themselves. He's fine with this, and takes his responsibility very seriously. He is 6. Christmas is in no way ruined, dented or otherwise marred. He looks forward to having a stocking and whispers in my ear that I must remember the sugar mice and chocolate coins.

But really, 9 and 10?? Yabu

I very much doubt your 10 year old believes, unless you home educate and restrict communication with the outside world.

Pretending that Santa exists is just as much fun, and many kids act as if they believe because they understand that. Going along with the whole thing is fun.

Be light about it, just carry on doing santa rituals, and don't get too heavy arguing about the reality or otherwise. Santa does not exist, and your ds may have a hard and confusing time at school if you are so heavy handed in insisting that he exists. Especially if you link it to 'you MUST believe or you won't get presents' etc.

but who are you keeping the dream alive for? Think about that honestly...

I don't necessarily think it's so shocking for nine year olds to "believe" although I think that a lot of it at that age is pretence for the parents.. and still not knowing for definite even though they sort of know it can't be real but not wanting to not believe in case it is.

My ds (nine) asked me if Santa was real and I asked him what he thought. He said he'd gone on the internet and typed in "is Santa real?" (you have to admire his initiative!) and found a page that said that mums and dads eat the mince pie and drink the beer and such... For him to have gone online and typed it in shows me that he must doubt the existence of Santa..

At some point they will find out the truth and unless they are really small I think you just need to let it go. And at ten I think your eldest needs to know since she will be in secondary next year...

You just need to reassure him that all the "fun" parts of Christmas will still happen, the presents, cards, decorations, games, etc - everything that he likes about Christmas is unharmed by Santa being a "made up story".

If you say that santa will only come if he believes, and that santa is watching, then you are the one who is spoiling things. It's a form of emotional blackmail - "If you don't believe X then bad things will happen" - which gets a bad press on here if parents do it with religion, and ought to for santa as well.

Christmas is fun because you make it fun, not because they believe in santa.

Please don't tell him that his friends are wrong. He won't believe you.

Just turn it into a game.
Ds1 sussed all this when he was just 5 and I just said that it was up to him to decide what he thinks happens. I have never said one way or the other what I think, just left it to him to decide. I love it now that he is 'in on the secret'. To him is is just like any other of his nonsense make-believe games. He has just as much fun on xmas morning and gets just as excited about the buildup.

[fbush] handled all this wrong, haven't I?

You've had at least 7 good believing in Father Christmas Christmases. Is it really the end of the world if you don't get an 8th? It doesn't mean the end of all the Christmas rituals. Mine still leave Father Christmas a carrot, a cookie and a glass of Sauvignon Blanc and still wake up completely excited and delighted to see their presents, even though they don't really believe.

Tbh, I would just let it go. It's highly unlikely you're 7 year old is going to be giving his older siblings a big surprise tbh.

handled this all wrong haven't I

My 10yo believes, genuinely believes as do her circle of friends at school.

I told her about the tooth fairy last week and she's the first of her friends to find that out. Of course she's told them all now.

When they go back to sch in jan and all the non-believers got presents, kind of shoots your theory in the foot doesn't ir??

And your 10 year old will be at secondary next year

No you haven't ....The spirit of Father Christmas is real and that is what he should believe in . Who provides the spirit is then up to him to decide.....

I am just suprised that you were shocked about it TBH. I'm suprised that DS1 who is 6 hasn't cottoned on yet!

no, ds 10 will still be in primary, for another year and a half

Not wishing to be mean, but how do your kids get to 9 or 10 without knowing this? I'm all for little children believing in Santa, but DD is in reception and pretty sure it will only be a matter of time before she figures it out...

I love the idea of secret keeper.
I totally remember the feeling of sort of half believing but wanting to test it all out...it doesn't have to ruin anything

OP you haven't handled it wrongly, the fact you're here asking for advice and help shows you care and it's not a once and for all discussion - just don't make it "if you don't believe its no presents" 'cos that's not fair

When he comes in today just sit him down and say you were sad yesterday that his friends had given it away, because it's fun to do the whole santa thing, but that yes they're right it's a story that parents make up, but that it doesn't change anything about how Christmas happens.

You might also say that you just don't know if the older ones still believe or not because they haven't said anything, but that there will still be presents and stockings even if nobody in the house thinks that santa brings them.

Well I'm guessing dd believes because noone has told her otherwise.

Plus she told me the other week that she knows he's real as there's no way I could afford all those presents!

If a child is old enough to ask, they are old enough for the reply 'what do you think?' and for their parents to show enough respect for them to then give them a reasonable discussion.

Happened with mine at age 7. 12 years on we're still doing stockings and having lovely family Christmases.

I find all this 'I want to keep the magic alive' stuff relating to 9, 10, 11 year olds to be self indulgent twaddle. Grow up and let your children grow up too.

Rosa has it right- its the spirit of Christmas that matters.

I think it's cruel to keep a 10 year old believing.

Agree with sarkywench. You can change how you handle it from now. He can believe what he likes, but you still believe in him so will be hanging out your stocking. It's OK not to believe, but it might be worth hanging out his stocking just in case. I'm sure Father Christmas doesn't care whether anybody believes in him, he just likes to give presents.
I don't believe in the "santa is watching" idea though. You are watching and you are real and he ought to behave because he knows how, not because he's being bribed with presents.

who said 10 year olds dont believe. my 10 year old believes completely, he goes to mainstream school and goes out with his friends etc. my 12 year old only worked it out last year.

hey hey i believed in santa till i was a teenager, i think i was 12 or 13 before i started to be suspicous and i must have been 14/15 before my mum confirmed it. Not believing doesn't ruin anything though, my two brothers still live at home and they are 17 and 22 and my mum still does santa and stockings for them. She did it for me and my sister till we left home. I'll be doing santa in our house till i'm the only one left and i'll probably still do it then lol.

My mum never told me. And I've never told her that I know the truth.

And I think "cruel" is a bit OTT. Being cruel towards a child is neglecting them, being horrible/abusive to them. I wouldn't say that my dd is a subjected to cruelty.