Kids at school told ds about Santa :-(

[jenni75]

Hi, wonder if you can me your advice, ds (7) came home from school and said he knew the truth about santa because kids in his class had told him, I was shocked
I said that was an awful thing that they said and of course there is a santa, and that santa would only come if he was a beleiver.
Last nite i said to ds at bedtime, ' come on now, bedtime, santa will be watching' to which he replied, ' i don't beleive in him'

Help needed to keep the dream alive , i have 2 other children 9 and 10 who do beleive still

OP I really struggle to believe your ten year old still believes in Father Christmas.

My eldest finally took me aside on Christmas Eve, aged 11, to tell me that he was really sorry but he knew there was no Father Christmas but it didn't matter, he still loves Christmas and will play along for fun and for the sake of his DB & SIS. He had known since the age of about 8 but hadn't wanted to upset me

I'm with Viva - I've never been told, and I've never said I don't believe.
I was in doubt at 7-8, and tried to test them. I didn't catch them out until I was 11 and my mother didn't realise I had (Dad did though). It was part of the fun.
It was embarrassing when I was 11/12 though, because my mother used to tell people I still believed (those words) because she thought I did (she's very naive), while I was stood next to her. I used to make sure I was out of her eyeline and wink at the people she was telling, or make a face.

My 9 year old appears to believe still, but I'm sure she has doubts because of course they all talk about it, and different parents have different approaches. I'll never tell that he doesn't exist - I say, what do you think, and well, I don't know about that but every year presents appear under the tree...

My 6 year old was told by her friend, let's call her A, that he doesn't exist. Her mum is my friend, and I emailed her to tell this (I wasn't annoyed, just joking with her) and her reply summed the whole thing up, really: I hate to break it to you, but A's right! (And no idea if dd2 believes or not, just doesn't seem important to me, the whole thing is still magical!)

my brothers and i lived in Africa until i was 6 that's when i had my first xmas, my brother was already 10 so none of that. my brother and sis in law never brought up their kids to beleive in santa. the school did. they said nothing when kids were small, although i'm sure my brother was clenching his teeth. when my nephew turned 7 he asked his dad "you know santa, he doesn't really exist, does he?" my brother answered "well no but don't tell other kids who beleive in the man, santa is really THE SPIRIT OF XMAS - GIVING PRESENTS TO LOVED ONES".
i find that very inspiring, i'll try to do the same with my kids

When me and my sister figured it out we started buying gifts from santa for my mum and stepdad, it was one of those i know you know and i know you know i know you know situations. I'll never tell my children santa isn't real, they'll figure it out eventually but we will have christmas the same every year and santa will still continue to visit and whatever form he takes in my childrens minds is irrelevant.

We've never ever had a conversation about FC being real, but ds1 stopped wanting to visit FC when he started junior school, and ds2 stopped at exactly the same time, they are now 11 and 8 and we still have the stocking, mince pie left out (and whiskey ) , the traditions haven't changed except we don't discuss FC coming anymore

Stick on Polar Express, snuggle up on the sofa and chill out

We have never made a big thing of Father Christmas, though school does.

My children know the stories about Father Christmas in the same way that they know the Nativity story - they are Christmas stories. They understand that 'belief' is a key element in both stories - that Christians believe that Jesus was the son of God and that as the UK is culturally Christian Christmas is something that is celebrated in this country. Equally they know that people believe that Father Christmas brings presents, and they understand that there are different versions of the story that different families tell. Our 'family story' is that Father Christmas fills the stockings overnight but that people bring the presents under the tree for us. My children appreciate and believe in this this at the level of 'story' and this doesn't in any way affect the magic. Indeed because there is no hard and fast carefully-crafted 'belief' to shatter these traditions and stories can continue for much longer (DS and DD are 11 and 9 and demand the same traditions every year).

teacherwith2kids that sounds lovely.

'I think it's cruel to keep a 10 year old believing.' Really ??? Cruel
My dd3 has just started to believe , dd 7 is a firm believer and ds 9 is starting to have doubts but i still think he is on the edge.
How can it be cruel. Kids quickly realise how to act dependant on others around them , especially when it comes to secondary school. I doubt any kid would start harping on about Santa unless they felt they were in a like minded group of friends.

When I was 4 my sister, then 7; made me promise to stay awake to see if he existed. I did and she fell asleep. We still pretended to my parents though. When dd1 asks, I just ask her what she thinks. I reckon when dd1 realises dd2 won't be far behind, might all then play along for ds.

Has anyone mentioned the Portable North Pole website and Norad here? Both of these have "helped" my dcs maintain their belief in Santa (10 and 7).

I think the 10 yo has her suspicions but the 7 yo was completely entranced by the video that "Santa" sent.

When questioned by my 10 yo I have also asked how she thinks I would have been able to afford all those gifts.

Santa also brings edible treats that there is no way I would allow my dcs to have

Well I am glad my 9 and 11 yr old still believe and I don't understand why people find it so hard to comprehend that older kids can and it defintely isn't cruel, how can it be

Yes my eldest is in secondary school and I am sure he has heard others talking but he hasn't asked me or given me any knowing looks when i mention Father Christmas so I am leaving him to it.

I would be sad if I thought my children at 5/6/7 etc didn't believe as they have the rest of their lives to know the truth why rush it.

We also do the pnp and Norad santa tracking.

I am enjoying the choosing the F.C presents and the creeping around on Christmas eve when they finally go to sleep to put them out and don't know if it will feel the same when they both know. So i guess I am keeping the secret alive for them and me.

I have covered this area with my 8 year old. I said to him that F.C has a different arrangement with each family. Some buy the presents and send them to him to bring, others send him the money, some do a mixture (like us which is why "Tesco" is written on some boxes ). And for those families that cant afford much F.C buys the presents out of his own money - and that is why some children get lots and some only get a bit.

I have also told him that indeed his friends are correct in a way that it is the parents because in our arrangement I do the mixture (As mentioned above) BUT they will still only be brought if he is good!!

As he has spotted the wrapping paper I made an "off the cuff" comment along the lines of " do you think I should send some wrapping paper to F.C in case he runs out??" - my son was most enthused by this and insisted I send sellotape too .

I also sent the PNP email

choccyheaven I wasn't at all sad when my then 5yo decided he didn't believe in FC. He'd thought it through and realised it was impossible for FC to exist. And he'd realised that grown-ups were inconsistent in what they said: at school they sent shoeboxes full of gifts to "little boys who weren't going to get any presents", but they were also told stories about Santa coming down every chimney and leaving presents for everyone who'd been good. He wanted to know why Santa wasn't leaving presents for the children who needed the shoeboxes. He also wanted to know how Santa opened the door of our woodburner from the inside, and how it was possible for someone to fit through the chimney, and get out without burning themselves.

I was quite pleased he was challenging what he'd been told: I saw it as a sign of a logical, inquisitive mind.

I'm glad you weren't sad Avocado, I just know that I would have been. I have answered most questions about FC with the answer that he is magic, and the shoeboxes were because the families were unable to afford presents for their children.

Both my boys accepted the answers I gave them and I don't think they will be upset when they find out otherwise, after all they can hardly be cross with me for giving them presents under another name

My son started to come home and say things from 7 years, due to what he heard from school. Despite that most of his friends were still very much into Santa. So I think they had their discussions at school, asked a few questions at home, then got stuck into it on Christmas Eve".

I managed for a couple of years by not really answering the questions, or turning them around. I'd start off with something wishy washy like "Everyone has different ideas, what do you think?", keep it light hearted, then change the topic. Personally I'd deflect and steer away from suggesting that it's the other children who are wrong or being awful. You don't want to start a playground bust up "My mum said" "Yeah but my brother said" "you're lying".