A Jilly Cooper Christmas

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What might the Rutshire Lot eat for their Xmas lunch? etc

I'm sure they'd have Game pie on Boxing day!

oops this was sposed to be in Christmas not AIBU

And all the household animals will "lie down at midnight to honour the birth of Christ" (in at least two of the books if not more)

Fish Pie. It's always fish pie. With massive jacket potatoes and a huge whisky.

Everyone would be shagging everyone else....

I just re-read the JC Guide to Christmas. It's very dated now

A goose with delicate truffles elegantly stuffed underneth its succulent heaing breast.

HEAVING blardy crap keyboard

Whatever it was, there would be plenty more for the unexpected guests.

Lots and lots of champagne.

Regardless of what they eat, someone will have sprayed themselves liberally with Je Riviens.

Stuffing, quite possibly on the dining room table?

Or Fracas dickie!

Ooh, and the rank sexy smell of wild garlic would be much in evidence.

The Chateau Whatsiname will be glowing topaz in the crystal glasses

YY, wild garlic and lady's bedstraw up the chuff after outdoor sex. That's bloody festive, that.

Not sure what they would eat but it would be cooked by a gorgeous, slightly plump young 2nd wife with a hideously expensive new cashmere jumper that was making her too hot while cooking causing pink cheeks and tendrils of sweat curled hair. Said jumper would also be coated in a generous helping of dog hair and the sleeve would already be fraying due to nibbling by a pony that morning whilst delivering sugar lumps to the stables.

The lunch would be served up to DH who would not eat any due to betting on the xmas races and sexting his mistress, the petulant teenage step daughter who would not eat any due to preferring to drink all the champagne and steal all her stepmothers expensive scent and new silk shirt before disappearing for a surreptitious groping sesh with daddy's best jockey and the cats bum face MIL who would not eat any due to a paroxysm of disapproval so intense it brought on indigestion.

Lunch would be accompanied with drunken shouting, crying, discoveries of adultery and kissing inappropriate people in dark corners (mistletoe optional).

HTH

Well bizarrely enough was reading the christmas bit from Appassionata today and Taggie cooked succulent goose, potatoes cut as smal as olives etc etc with an awful lot of champagne.

Oh, and you'd find somebody in the bathroom with no knickers on, quite possibly perfuming her bush.

Maud O'Hara would be getting pissed up drinking whiskey from a tooth mug because she'd forgotten to turn the oven on for the turkey.

Rannaldini and Kitty would be having a suckling pig and Kitty would be crying about the poor pig whilst dinner guest Dame Hermione chides her for being such a baby.

Lysander Hawkley would be having five christmas dinners because all of the ladies felt sorry for him and invited him and he didn't want to offend anyone by turning them down, so he accepted all invitations.

Janey and Billy Lloyd-Foxe are having left-over curry from the night before, with gin and tonics.

Taggie will be preparing a massive goose with spiced red cabbage and potatoes roasted in the goose fat and for afters they will be having the christmas pudding that she started making in October.

A guest would turn up with a whole side of smoked salmon and someone would wrap their presents wrong so they give granny a vibrator

FauxFox

Someone's delinquent Labrador will pull the goose off the table. The goose which the aristocratic but terribly poor hostess will weep over.

Someone will be given a horrible-sounding china ornament (robin, puppy in a boot) and someone a first edition of poetry.

They will have made fudge, turkish delight and toffee.

Hermione will enter, resplendent in a red cape with a fur-lined hood.

And someone else's naughty Lab will eat an entire box of Bendicks bittermints and have to be rushed to the very handsome vet's in the gaudy Roller of the lottery winners next door because everyone at The Old Rectory was too tiddly to find the keys to the ancient Range Rover. And then Mr Lottery-Winner would goose Lady Tisdale and turn out to be a Rough Diamond who can belch Roll Out The Barrel after a pint of champers and Tiggy would awfully fancy him in secret, from behind the Boxing Day ham.

And I will be playing tennis with Rupes.

Not a lot of wild garlic and ladies bedstraw around Midwinter, Sue.

Someone will ride their favourite hunter into the house and pop over the sofas.