Foodie suggestions for a family who don't do desserts or sweets...

[LePruneDeMaTante]

...and eat fantastic food pretty much all the time.

I'm going to be with dh's family for Christmas. Last year, I made a selection of things, sweet and savoury, as my contribution. I came back with the lot.

I'm choosing not to see this as a subtle form of giving me the cold shoulder. However I am being asked what I will be bringing this year and it's all I can do to not be pissy about it and say 'why don't you just tell me what you want and I will prepare it?' with a hard stare and a forced smile.

Can't stress highly enough how well they cook and eat on an average day. I need unusual savoury suggestions, and if they can be a bit farmers-markety and emperors-new-clothesy then so much the better

A massive wheel of some stinky cheese!

with the bonus that you can leave it under the sofa if they try to cold shoulder you again!

Bacon Jam

[faint] at bacon jam, that looks perfect! For dh and me, anyway. The rest of the poncy twits can go stuff themselves.

A wheel o' cheese actually would be a great thing, as NO EFFORT expended therefore I could feel gloaty. It would be worth the cost tbh. The trouble is they have a favourite cheese shop, which I'd need to take out a loan to buy it from. If I could snag some of their wax paper...

Mixed antipasti - Parma ham, olives, artichokes, sun dried tomatoes, mozarella, pitta. Yum yum

Cheese or wine or bunch flowers - save your efforts for yourself

If you go to Aldi, they have lots of lovely antipasti type stuff, olives, peppers, cheeses, and assorted "goodies" and your inlaws will never have seen any of them before being posh and unlikely to frequent Aldi and you can wax lyrical about the "tiny boutique deli you found down a little side street in {name of nearest posh country town type place} quite by accident one day. You've never seen such lovely produce and all of it ethically sourced and organic and..... etc ad nauseum" practice this speech
Decant everything from Aldi packaging into posh handmade poncey packaging et voila (or an wallah as the case may be )

I'm such a bad liar though!
God I'm dreading Christmas, I'm on tenterhooks about everything.
The thing is they know I can bake well, so I get asked to wow them, then they show zero fucking interest, because they don't like sweet things. It's ok not to like sweet things, it's great, good for them, but stop stressing me out!

I suppose I should just make something easy and disposable and stop caring, but that is so very not acceptable in their family.

Can you bake bread?

Make something that you LOVE and pray that they turn their nose up at it - then it is all yours mwahaha !

Make a ginormous sausage roll

I cannot stop thinking about bacon jam

I will call it 'confiture au jambon fumé' of course.

Take a large tin of quality street and just eat it all yourself

Can you bake something savoury? All I can think of is cheese scones but I'm sure you can think of something more exotic!

Bread a very good idea.

Or just absolve yourself of any stress and take a few bottles of bubbly/expensive wine and when they ask, tell them that you only do sweet things and none of them seem to like them, so you didn't bother this year ungrateful sods

G'wan, make the bacon jam...

I'm going to make it, and good idea about savoury scones. (I use the recipe in Domestic Goddess, and read the other day that the recipe is well wrong, but they always turn out fabulously for me )

Practising profiteroles this weekend. Might deign to make some for them, and ds and I can eat all the chocolate sauce.