Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I'm sorry but MIL has forced a Christmas question from me

132 replies

hagridthehamster · 08/09/2011 09:57

We always go to PIL for Christmas (DH, me, 4DC and 2 dogs) plus BIL and SIL. MIL has called 'just checking' that we re going this year too. Apparently she needs to start her 'catering arrangements' now Shock

We loooooove going there, everyone has a wonderful time, but after the palaver at Easter with B/SIL mad PFB stuff here I'm not sure it's going to work. I've said that I'll need to check with DH and I'll call her back but I'm really not sure that everyone will have a nice time. That said I would hate to upset PIL as they are truly wonderful people, also the DC adore going there for Christmas. I tried to ask where everyone was going to sleep, but she sort of brushed the question off. I can't cope with another round of 'DN has to have her own room so your DC will have to sleep on the dining room floor' Hmm

Gah it's September FFS

OP posts:
LemonDifficult · 13/09/2011 11:32

Don't lay it on think with MiL (or with your DCs if you can't go). At all times remain the obviously sane, logical, reasonable and understanding party. The drama queens are the BiLs.

Mumsnut · 13/09/2011 11:42

This is making me very cross (even though it is nothing to do with me!).

There is no way on earth, surely, that even the most self-absorbed PFB mummy doesn't see how unfair this is? So, is it a veiled dig at your two elder daughters and their 'right' to be considered on equal terms by the PIL??

SweetGrapes · 13/09/2011 11:51

Why don't bil-sil go on the dining room floor? They have one room and any spillovers get the dining room floor. So they can sleep in the room and have dn in the dining room in a travel cot (have done this before) or they put dn in the room and sleep in the dining room themselves (have done this too).

And if they can't manage with this much space then they don't come??

Either ways they shouldn't be asking your kids to keep 4 beds empty and sleep on the floor.

onepieceofcremeegg · 13/09/2011 11:54

I had a look at your last thread, and iirc this issue was settled before by mil saying that the options were x and y and dn wouldn't be getting a bedroom of her own (although the dining room could be made available).

Mil needs to have a think and do the same again.

I understand that realistically the dining room won't be usable for daytime naps at Christmas, but surely dn could be put in her parents' room for naps? Then if they still insist she needs her own room at night time then possibly mil will have to decide that bil and sil will help to clear the dining room by a certain time (8pm or whatever) so that she can sleep in there. Or dn can go into bil/sil's room either until they go to bed (and then can be relocated to the dining room overnight) or even just remain in their room with them.

I have to say (as someone with a very difficult sil) that this problem will rear its head again and again and again. Sil needs the message loud and clear again.

Otherwise you will be back with another thread for NYE/Mother's Day/next Easter!

onepieceofcremeegg · 13/09/2011 11:55

Also in your position (as you seem to get on well with her) I would say firmly but nicely to mil that you are not prepared to have this discussion again, it is too stressful.

You have already wasted many stressful hours at Easter worrying about it; and it's a long time til Christmas so potentially months of sil playing up and showing off before then!

DeepLeafEverything · 13/09/2011 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 13/09/2011 12:05

oh no, not again! Your MIL really needs to speak to your B/SIL and sort this out. There is no need for the pfb to have a room all to herself.

Maybe the B/SIL could sleep in the summer house! Solution...

And I second DLE please go back to hagridhamster

MissIngaFewmarbles · 13/09/2011 16:06

Sorry. I've started college so can't get on here as often. Thank you for all your lovely suggestions, I'll speak to DH about it all again, although he is adamant now that we'll just have Christmas at home and if the PIL want t come they are more than welcome.

Eldest DD calling BIL wouldn't work as she's not his 'real' niece Hmm I could ask DSD to call him though. Personally I think tha B/SIL don't want us to come so that DN gets all the attention from PIL and they don't have to do any work

PfftTheMagicDraco · 13/09/2011 16:12

I would go, but not stay over. If you stay for long enough, you can have a small glass of wine at lunch. Worth it not to deal with the drama

WhereDidAllThePuffinsGo · 13/09/2011 16:18

You see, that attitude from BIL would be making me determined to go, to not have my children's lovely Christmas with their gps stolen by him. Maybe your dds need to be phoning your MIL, instead!

Blu · 13/09/2011 16:34

Ah - now it all makes sense. And it's not v pleasant.
BIL and SIL are viewing your dds as less entitled because they are not 'biological'. they are indeed wanting to claim territory at the GPs by right. That's why they see the pare room as 'her' room. Even if they don't realise it.

It would be very sad for you to have to dismantle your dd's Christmas. Can your DH counter 'well obviously DN will need her room' with "oh come off it, it makes no sense to leave 3 beds empty and have kids bedding under everyone's feet and all of us adults having to stop eating and drinking early because the dining room is being used for sleeping, all the kids can share" and if he objects "have you got some issue with the girls in our parents house? Because it just seems a bit odd to want to insist that 4 children sleep on the floor so that your dd can sleep alone with 3 empty beds".

suzikettles · 13/09/2011 16:34

I read it as SIL doesn't want to go and thinks that by making all sorts of demands they'll eventually get the heave-ho and she'll be justified not to go to any of BIL's family events ever again.

But I guess it could be the other way too.

How exhausting.

starfishmummy · 13/09/2011 16:50

Dh and I will have been married for 15 years by xmas and in all that time my MIL has revolved her xmas around her other son, which means that his wife calls all the shots. Not with me she doesn't, not after our first xmas! my mn name should be stubbornstarfish!

Haberdashery · 13/09/2011 18:32

Selfish bunch of bastards. I don't know how you're being so calm about it, OP.

MissIngaFewmarbles · 13/09/2011 19:53

I'm seething gently but I'm used to the attitude from them really so it slides off most of the time

WhereDidAllThePuffinsGo · 14/09/2011 11:13

I can't remember - what's your relationship with your ILs like?

Because if it's basically good, I'd be making very very sure that MIL understands that you like her and really want to spend Christmas with her. Don't give her any chance to misunderstand and think you're not that bothered, or grateful for the excuse not to go. Protect your relationship with the ILs.

Would BIL and SIL accept an invitation to your house, btw? For a weekend - bonfire night or something. Because if DN spent a night perfectly happily sharing your girls' room in your house, you've holed their argument below the waterline ...

LemonDifficult · 14/09/2011 11:21

I wouldn't speak to BiL, or get your DH to speak to BiL. Just speak calmly and sympathetically to your MiL - it is her house, she'll need to make the sleeping arrangements. Warm her up enough, by understanding that she's in a difficult position, and she'll feel like she's on your side anyway.

IsItMeOr · 14/09/2011 20:40

Just a small thought, as the parent to a still very poorly sleeping 2.6yo (he slept through to 6am a grand total of 9 times in August - and that was a vast improvement) and with a light-sleeper for a DH, we almost didn't go to my parents at the same time as DSis and her family recently because of the FEAR of having to share a room with DS.

In the end, common sense prevailed and we decided to give it a go. The second night was a bit hairy, but we survived, and DS had so much fun playing with his cousins it was definitely worth it.

But my point is that, if you have a poor sleeper, you really do dread the nights in a way that parents with easier sleepers just can't fathom.

So, while they could be entirely mad (I didn't see the Easter thread), they could also just be really, really tired.

The answer is the same, of course, MIL needs to decide whether or not she wants you to stay too. But BIL/SIL's reasons might be genuine.

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 15/09/2011 08:07

any more from MIL on this yet?

SheWhoMustNotBeFlamed · 15/09/2011 10:04

I have a naff sleeper too - but to my surprise, she actually sleeps better on holiday when she has to share with her big brother. So much so that we have moved her into his bottom bunk at home (poor lad, he is 11, but is coping bravely).

So maybe DN would profit from a bit of company ...

Blu · 15/09/2011 11:27

Much wisdom in Puffins' post.

lollipoppet · 16/09/2011 08:30

It just seems so sad that you won't get Christmas at the lovely Christmas house! As another with a pain in the arse, yuck, selfish mil I am so jealous of your lovely one!

Is there no other room or cupboard in the house where a travelcot could be housed?
It seems very unfair that they won't forego one or two nights uninterrupted sleep so that the children are happy and comfortable.

Chocolategirl3 · 20/09/2011 15:52

Update please OP

LemonDifficult · 20/09/2011 23:12

Yeah, what news?

MissIngaFewmarbles · 21/09/2011 13:17

PIL are on hols for 10 days. DD2's birthday card arrived from them today, only 9 days late Hmm I'm really thinking we will stay home, I just can't be bothered with all the hassle.

Swipe left for the next trending thread