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Original poster

Please help me with my moral dilemma - Lap top for an 8 yr old

31 replies

Manda25 · 01/11/2010 12:10

Ok among the board games and books on my DS aged 8 Xmas list is a lap top (the 3rd year it has been on there) and I am struggling to decide how I feel about this so would really value your opinions.

This is what I am thinking:

We have no home computer. His only sibling (20yrs) has a fancy computer & lap top but he is at Uni. I have my own lap top which I use all the time I am home downloading one thing or the other.

He was assessed at school recently because he holds his pen in a weird way. It was suggested that we teach him how to type.

These are the main two issues - but I am really struggling with if it is 'right' that a 8 yr old gets their own lap top !! I mean I could by a home computer instead but in effect that would be his ...and I would prefer not to have one stuck in the corner of the room.

FWIIW he doesn't have a phone, TV, Ipod, DVD player, stereo or play station/Wii in his room. The money is not a problem.

WWYD?

OP posts:
bumpybecky · 01/11/2010 12:13

Will he have internet on the laptop? (assuming so) I think having access to a PC in the lounge where he's overlooked is very different to having a laptop that he can take off and hide with while he looks up rude words on google...

MmeLindt · 01/11/2010 12:16

I agree with Bumpy.

My DD is 8yo and only allowed to use the laptop when sitting somewhere I can see her, and I have quite strict parental controls on it.

I do not trust the parental controls 100% which is why I have to be able to see her.

Original poster
Manda25 · 01/11/2010 12:18

I totally agree - but I don't have room in the front room so if i were to buy a home computer it would have to go in the dining room ...which we never use. There of course would be rules (like using it in the living room among time limits etc) and internet protection if I were to get the lap top.

ATM he is more interested in looking up maps and maths then porn.

I dont really have a problem with the access to the internet side - can deal with that ....for me ...is it right full stop that an 8 yr old is brought a lap top ??

OP posts:
HowsTheSerenity · 01/11/2010 12:20

If it were just for him then get an old second hand one.
Make sure there are rules that it is to be used in the kitchen or lounge room.
Make it known that it is to be shared and is not jsut for him.

seeker · 01/11/2010 12:23

Think of it from the other way round. Why would you NOT want your 8 year old to have a lap-top?

My main reason would be that I only allow screens in bedrooms at all under very special circumstances. This is because I think bedrooms should be restful places, and the presence of screens makes for an unrestful environment.

TweetTweet · 01/11/2010 12:23

not relevant to the laptop, but try pushing back the top joints of his fingers. we have discovered that dd1s flex too far which is why she was holding the pencil wrong and struggling. she now has fat triangle pencils and special pen grips and her handwriting has improved beyond recognition in a few weeks.

bumpybecky · 01/11/2010 12:24

I don't believe for a minute that he won't look up rude words on the internet! dd1 (12) dd2 (10) and dd3 (5) have all done so at various points (bottom, willy, boobs etc)

Anyway, I wouldn't have an issue with you buying a family computer for him to use. As you have your own computer effectively the family computer is his computer and you've got sensible reason for it being a laptop rather than a desktop. So no I don't have a problem as such with an 8 year old having a laptop.

Having said that though I've told mine no laptops until they're 18 due to the child protection thing (may relent at 16, but might well not). We make room for pcs (x3!) in our very crowded lounge.

herbietea · 01/11/2010 12:24

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Message withdrawn

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 01/11/2010 12:28

Why can't you let him use yours?

MmeLindt · 01/11/2010 12:28

Have the school offered advice or help into the handwriting issue?

I would say that it would be better to find a way to help him with that first.

I don't think that a laptop is a bad thing to buy a child, if you see it as being a family laptop not his. As long as you can afford it, and its use is supervised, why not?

seeker · 01/11/2010 12:32

"Having said that though I've told mine no laptops until they're 18 due to the child protection thing (may relent at 16, but might well not).'

Don't understand - tell me more?

CeliaFate · 01/11/2010 12:37

I'd get him one - why not? It's educational, will help him learn and if the money's no problem I wouldn't think twice. Go for it!

Original poster
Manda25 · 01/11/2010 13:02

The school are continuing to work with him on his handwriting but did also advice to teach him how to type. My 20 yr old had a lap top when he was 11 - he is dyslectic. It was the best thing for him as he now can touch type 80 wpm.

Life - I use mine so much he rarely gets a look in. I am either playing, working from home or doing my uni course !

FWIW - I am a SW and as part of my role deliver on line training to kids. I am very computer literate and able to make his experience as safe as possible.

OP posts:
seeker · 01/11/2010 13:13

So what are your reasons for not getting him one?

CherryMonstersUnderTheBed · 01/11/2010 13:15

i personally wouldnt. i gave ds1 a netbook for christmas last year, he was nearly 11. to be honest, he wouldnt have got it if it hadnt been a freebie with a phone that i bought. ds2 (9) is bugging me for one, but he isnt going to get one for some time yet, he isnt as responsible as ds1. its only recently that i have been allowing ds1 to take his upstairs, he is at secondary school now, and sometimes uses it for his homework.

cat64 · 01/11/2010 13:21

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wfrances · 01/11/2010 13:21

personally i ve refused all requests for laptops off my dc
we have pc in the study,which they use.
{mine are 6,12,13 and 15}
school has told us ds 12 is a computer whizz but still the answer is no.
i dont like the idea of not being to filter the info they can get or them sitting in a corner or worse bedrooms switched off from the rest of the family.
even the game consoles are downstairs{except for ds 15 ps3,because he likes to play with his mates without his kid brothers butting in}
but all children are different if you feel he needs it,get him one.

Original poster
Manda25 · 01/11/2010 13:29

hmmm Seeker ..I think I am struggling with it morally. I got my first lap top 4 months ago and i am 37 (don't like spending money on myself) ... I never had one as a kid .... is it too extravagant for an 8 yr old? should he still be playing with bricks. Oh I dunno!

OP posts:
Ragwort · 01/11/2010 13:34

I can relate to your feeling that it is just too much money to spend on a child. But can he really not share your's - I note you are 'playing' on it for some of the time - could that time be allocated to DS? Then you would at least be able to monitor how long he spends on the laptop (and it might be good for you to have a break Grin from it yourself?). I think the recommended screen time for 8 year olds is about two hours a day (includes all games, tv etc. - not that I am very good at monitoring my own 9 year old !)

bumpybecky · 01/11/2010 13:56

seeker I'm not happy for my children to have internet access that isn't supervised at a basic level. At the moment there are PCs in the lounge and there are normally multiple people in the room when dds are online. I hope this limits the chances for them looking at things I don't want them looking at.

We do have some parental controls, google is limited to safe searches, I get sent copies of their emails, I'm a facebook friend to dd1 (only one with fb). Before we put in place the controls we have now we had dd2 looking up oral sex video clips after someone said something at school - she was 9 at the time Shock we only found out then as one of her sisters saw and said something.

We also keep a log of who accesses the computer and when, they each have their own log in accounts. That came about due to cyberbullying at lower school and having a record of who was logged in and when got dd2 out of trouble on one occasion (another child had logged into her school account and sent email abuse and we could prove she's not been online at the time).

At the ages they are now (12, 10, 5, 2) there is nothing they need to be looking at online that requires privacy. So no laptops / netbooks / phones or mobile devices with internet. When they're 35 16/18 we'll think again.

EricNorthmansMistress · 01/11/2010 14:29

I wouldn't. I would allow him 30 mins or so per day after school when you are busy with something else, to use yours, in your presense. I don't think an 8yo should spend much longer than that on a computer anyway. Surely you can spare it for 30 minutes a day?

skydance · 01/11/2010 14:32

I think he does need access to a computer at his age, I find that already my son is expected to have access for some of his homework and he's only 7, he dosen't use the laptop very often but it's there if he needs it or wants to have a look.

In most houses there is a family computer/laptop, we only have one laptop that we all use, but if you need yours all the time then I think something needs to be sorted for him to use.

What do you think he'd use it for mostly playing games, or the internet?

It's a tricky one but I think in your situation I would be very tempted to get him one, not a netbook though, a proper laptop with word etc that he can do his homework on as well.

If you really aren't comfortable with the idea of him having his own, then I'd buy another laptop and say it's for family use and the other one is your work one.

QuintessentialShadows · 01/11/2010 14:36

My son is 8, he has his own laptop. It has strict parental controls on it. He uses it for school work, such as researching topics. Also, they have already covered email, he has his own school email account, and a web interface to his schools home page, where he can log in to check his email, and check and print out next weeks plan. They are currently doing power point presentations, having covered word for windows, cutting, pasting, adding images from the internet, etc.

These days, kids grow up with computers, and not having one might hinder his development more than not having one.

frazzled74 · 01/11/2010 14:41

There is a government scheme that gives laptops to children in years 3 -9 who are in receipt of free school dinners, so i would say that it is probably soon to be the norm for 8 and 9 year olds having their own laptop. I think that you have good reasons to get him one and they are far more educational and useful than a games console.

florencepink · 01/11/2010 14:51

there was a government scheme unfortunately not anymore.

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