TW: stillborn support

[ByLovingTraybake]

My husband and I have just suffered a stillborn after IVF. This has really rocked us as the baby was otherwise healthy and they can’t find a cause of death. We’d love prayers for our relationship, our faith, and comfort in these dark times. If any other Christians on here have had a wobble with their faith in similar circumstances, or have any advice (short of ‘be gentle with yourselves’, ‘allow time to grieve’ and those sorts of platitudes…), I’d be so grateful. We have friends and a church around, but not family.

I am so incredibly sorry. I will absolutely pray for you both, for your marriage, your faith and for your precious baby.

I think one of the hardest things about faith is that sometimes there simply isn’t an answer to why. A baby who was healthy and so wanted, lost for no apparent reason, is devastatingly unfair. I don’t think you need to force yourself to find a “reason” for it, or feel that you have to be strong in your faith right now.

The Psalms are full of people crying out to God, questioning Him and even asking where He is. That is prayer too. You can be angry with God, heartbroken with God, silent before God. You don't have to tidy your grief up before bringing it to Him.
And if you have a wobble in your faith, I don't think that means you've lost it. Sometimes faith is simply saying, “God, I don't understand this and I don't even know if I can believe properly today, but I'm still here.”

One thing that has helped me is remembering that Jesus Himself wept at the grave of Lazarus. He didn't give Mary and Martha a platitude about everything happening for a reason. He entered into their grief and wept with them. I find that incredibly powerful.

I’ll pray especially that you and your husband are able to grieve together rather than separately, and that in the darkest moments you somehow feel carried when you haven't the strength to carry yourselves.

And I will pray for your little baby too. They were loved, wanted and precious from the very beginning, and that love matters. ❤️

Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for them.
St Joseph, comfort them.
Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on them.

You don't have to have answers right now. Just get through one day, one hour, one prayer at a time. x

I am so, so sorry for your loss! I had wondered how you were getting on as I have not seen you around lately.

@Ipsevenenabibas has said it far more eloquently than I could, sometimes we just don't know the reason, which is very hard to live with as we naturally want answers. Our Lord and Saviour is with you in your grief, He understands. Your child is now in His safe, loving arms.

I will pray for you and your husband, and your child. big hugs

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. It happened to my DD a few years ago, and the pain is beyond comprehension.

I shall pray for you, that you will find peace.

I recall a phrase from the funeral of my DGD, which I found of some comfort, although it still brings me to tears- "Travel safely, (name) in the arms of God".

God hold you all.

So so sorry. What an awful thing to face. Praying for you to have peace and comfort in this terrible time.

Prayers from here

Thank you all for kind words and prayers. The psalms are of great help at the moment - and they are so powerful because they are raw and express things in a way that we’d almost feel guilty to do so ourselves. I find that almost interesting - the Bible give us permission to express raw grief and questioning, but we are so often more careful in doing so. We started reading ‘Dark clouds, deep mercy’ by Mark Vroegop these past few days, which has been a great comfort as they were in the same situation that we are in.