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What does your Church do, that you really wish they didn't?

296 replies

Sausagenbacon · 24/12/2024 09:32

I'm obviously not going to do a flounce on the basis of this, but..
We used to have hymn numbers in the service sheet (there's no boards). But they've stopped doing that, in the aim of inclusion. Instead, the hymn numbers are announced during the service.
Which is ok, except when we stand to offer one another a sign of peace.
So the clergy say 'you may now offer each other a sign of peace, and the next hymn is xx'
Written down, it doesn't sound that bad, but it actually feels like an interruption in a lovely part of the service.

OP posts:
RaraRachael · 26/12/2024 16:29

The worst one was I'm the king of the jungle complete with animal sounds and actions. Even my kids thought it was stupid.

FuzzyPuffling · 26/12/2024 16:30

"My Lighthouse" with the Rector spinning round like a demented whisk.

RealHousewivesOfTaunton · 26/12/2024 16:36

My church became so stingy a few years ago and it's really sad. No cleaner, instead guilt-tripping members of the congregation to join a cleaning rota. No nice visitors centre for people accompanying their friends/relatives. No bouncy castles in the massive church hall. No cooking in the kitchen. No letting the rugby club next door use the car park for overflow on match days. It's part of a massive, extremely wealthy organisation but no, let's make a single mum of two small children working three jobs and studying PT for a degree come in to do the vacuuming and scrub the loos. I just wonder what any of that has achieved.

Werecat · 26/12/2024 16:44

My church is lovely but I’ve completely disconnected from the C of E upper echelons. They seem to have forgotten that they are supposed to and should actually believe. They do not practice Christianity (it seems to be that they practice management consulting instead) and they spend all their time apologising for the Bible and for Christianity in general.

If our vicar is replaced by one of their protégées, I’ll probably never set foot in the building again.

NannyR · 26/12/2024 17:01

SereneCapybara · 26/12/2024 16:24

So do I. I left our local church when we were doing an action sing and I realised the kids were all at Sunday school and it was just adults being infantilised to wave our arms around. I used to mentally apologise to Jesus. Sorry, you used to get Hallelujah choruses written for you but now you get jump around praise songs.

We do action songs each week at our informal worship service (usually before the children go out to their groups), they are great for getting children involved in worship, but also we have a lot of adults who can't read and/or have English as a a second language and it is a way they can join in worship without being able to read the words. For this reason we also have a song in a different language (Swahili, Arabic, Farsi or Nepali) every week.

JiminaSlump · 26/12/2024 18:15

@SereneCapybara Yes - I find the 'Jesus is so nice' songs a bit much, too.

At our church, I just wish they'd stop with the post-Vatican-II pseudo-folk music and sing a variety of hymns and worship songs. Everything they play sounds like it's out of Bagpuss, and Bagpuss 100% has his place but it's not in Mass! Not all the time!

TheyCantBurnUsAll · 26/12/2024 18:39

I used to sit in crèche with my disabled child while my dd did Sunday school. It was brilliant because they had a screen for the parents who were missing the service to still see what's happening and join in the hymns if they felt like it.

Anyway they told me my son was too old for crèche and had to move up to Sunday school. I said he won't cope. They insisted. We tried it and he couldn't cope. So now we have no church. I would understand if they didn't feel able to care for dd in the crèche but I was with him and doing all the caring, he avoided the other children mostly and there was never an incident until he was forced to sit and learn in Sunday school and had massive violent meltdowns. I felt really judged for having an out of control child by everyone. I think they should have at least apologised for insisting he would be fine when I said he would not and said we could go back to crèche but I guess after he had been seen at his worse they were scared of the other parents reaction to him being in crèche with the littles. There was no understanding that he was upset and embarrassed by what happened and now refuses to try new church's to find one more accepting of him

Northernnugget · 26/12/2024 18:46

Being asked to repeat how much of a sinner you are (particularly whilst contemplating the handling of child abuse). I really didn't want my child to repeat this. I am not sure Jesus would agree she's not fit to eat the crumbs from his table.

VWGal · 26/12/2024 18:50

@RealHousewivesOfTaunton

“My church became so stingy a few years ago and it's really sad. No cleaner, instead guilt-tripping members of the congregation to join a cleaning rota. “

Let me guess - exclusively or predominantly the female members of the congregation?

Instances like this are one of my own pet peeves.

MargaretThursday · 26/12/2024 19:09

@RealHousewivesOfTaunton
My church became so stingy a few years ago and it's really sad. No cleaner, instead guilt-tripping members of the congregation to join a cleaning rota

Is it stingy or just finding a cleaner? We've just been looking for one at the church I work at. First round of advertising we got a couple of people who seemed great; we'd have been happy with either one.
They both pulled out - one because they couldn't cope with the size of the building, the other because they didn't want to work out of normal hours, then when we offered to try and make office hours work (we have lots of hirers, so it's fitting round them) said they didn't have spare space during office hours for 10 hours a week.

Second round of advertising got zero applicants.

Third round we got someone who is a cleaner for a member who is giving it a go and they are brilliant, but very busy so not sure they will stay.

Problem we found was that most cleaners are full enough that they don't want to take on an extra 10 hours a week; if they're on their own, they don't want to be cleaning out of hours in an empty building; and the building is big so takes time.
We were very clear we were happy to be flexible around what they could/wanted to do, but even so we didn't get people.
Someone suggested we raised the hourly pay, but I pointed out that we hadn't even put rate on the advert - no one was getting to the point of finding that out. It was genuinely that people didn't want such a big job.

Having talked with other local churches, they're having the same issue finding people.

@SereneCapybara I left our local church when we were doing an action sing and I realised the kids were all at Sunday school and it was just adults being infantilised to wave our arms around.

I've got a couple of stories around children's songs. One was when the dc were little and we went to Spring Harvest. Ishmael was leading the children's worship. He'd, at the time, written quite a lot of songs that said approximately "I have two hands so I can clap, two feet so I can dance".
He started the first session with "Let's see your hands. Everyone's got two hands, haven't they?" And my little 2yo said clearly (and factually) from the front "I haven't!"
He opened his mouth to say something, probably along the lines of "of course you have" and saw dd2 happily waving one arm and one hand, and closed his mouth again. At the end he came over and apologised, and I don't think he wrote another song on that lines.

The other was many years back dh (who did the music) objected to a children's song on the basis it was all about dancing and shouting etc and nary a mention of God or why they might be doing that. The minister said that as long as the children were singing it as a worship song, did it matter?
So I wrote a song for him to use. I haven't got it still, but it started with:
"I will brush my teeth and wipe my underneath" and went downhill from there. The minister changed his mind and we got more meaningful songs for the children.

littlemissprosseco · 26/12/2024 19:10

TheyCantBurnUsAll · 26/12/2024 18:39

I used to sit in crèche with my disabled child while my dd did Sunday school. It was brilliant because they had a screen for the parents who were missing the service to still see what's happening and join in the hymns if they felt like it.

Anyway they told me my son was too old for crèche and had to move up to Sunday school. I said he won't cope. They insisted. We tried it and he couldn't cope. So now we have no church. I would understand if they didn't feel able to care for dd in the crèche but I was with him and doing all the caring, he avoided the other children mostly and there was never an incident until he was forced to sit and learn in Sunday school and had massive violent meltdowns. I felt really judged for having an out of control child by everyone. I think they should have at least apologised for insisting he would be fine when I said he would not and said we could go back to crèche but I guess after he had been seen at his worse they were scared of the other parents reaction to him being in crèche with the littles. There was no understanding that he was upset and embarrassed by what happened and now refuses to try new church's to find one more accepting of him

That’s typical of church goers

RealHousewivesOfTaunton · 26/12/2024 19:21

@MargaretThursday they used to employ one of the congregation to clean as a worldwide policy. It tended to be a SAHM who fancied a bit of extra dosh, so plenty of willing applicants.

@VWGal it was the men too but there's a policy that female members of the congregation can't be in the building on their own (or it used to be anyway). This makes it a real hassle because you have to coordinate with other people to go in and clean rather than just go when it suits you.

Restlessinthenorth · 26/12/2024 19:32

Until the recent law changes, take a group of the congregation to go and pray outside of abortion centres. I find it abhorrent. Totally compounding the distress of vulnerable women. It's manipulative and I note, nearly always men in the group. I have called the priest out on it to little avail

NewName24 · 26/12/2024 19:45

FuzzyPuffling · 26/12/2024 16:30

"My Lighthouse" with the Rector spinning round like a demented whisk.

Grin
NewName24 · 26/12/2024 19:48

In ours, the previous vicar made people wave rather than shake hands at the peace. It was ridiculous. As soon as he left that got knocked on the head, it resembled a children’s puppet show!

Ha Ha.
I went to a different Church for a Carol Service this year, and they did this.
I could kind of understand the theory during covid, but, honestly, I had to avoid looking at ds as he and I would have laughed if we caught each other's eye.

littlemissprosseco · 26/12/2024 19:50

Restlessinthenorth · 26/12/2024 19:32

Until the recent law changes, take a group of the congregation to go and pray outside of abortion centres. I find it abhorrent. Totally compounding the distress of vulnerable women. It's manipulative and I note, nearly always men in the group. I have called the priest out on it to little avail

with all due respect, why do still attend then?

They clearly don’t have the same values as you

FuzzyPuffling · 26/12/2024 20:02

littlemissprosseco · 26/12/2024 19:10

That’s typical of church goers

It's truly not.

Sure, in any organisation there are people who range from bad apples to good eggs and everything in between, but to generalise and slate all Christians (especially in a forum where we want to share and support each other) is pretty insensitive.

Restlessinthenorth · 26/12/2024 20:08

@littlemissprosseco because my faith matters to me. I can disagree with positions on some matters and still wish to be part of my faith and the church that is tied up with key moments in my life.. I can use my voice to challenge what I disagree with. I don't like every product Tesco sells, I still shop there. I don't like every Coldplay track, they are still my favourite band, I disagree with my dad's politics and I still love him and spend time with him.

Marmite27 · 26/12/2024 20:11

Restlessinthenorth · 26/12/2024 19:32

Until the recent law changes, take a group of the congregation to go and pray outside of abortion centres. I find it abhorrent. Totally compounding the distress of vulnerable women. It's manipulative and I note, nearly always men in the group. I have called the priest out on it to little avail

When this notice appears in the parish newsletter, I don’t go to mass until it is removed. I’m not Catholic but DH and the kids are. When the priest asked why I was absent I told him. He’s not asked since.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 26/12/2024 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Don't generalise.

MargaretThursday · 26/12/2024 21:23

NewName24 · 26/12/2024 19:45

Grin

I pointed out that the idea of Lighthouses is that people go away from them not towards them, hence rendering the entire song useless.
I even told the minister that in the future if any of the children were wrecked due to thinking they should go towards the lighthouse rather than away then they could sue the church. 🤣
They still sing it. I tried.

Harkinonnowhear · 26/12/2024 21:29

Daisybuttercup12345 · 26/12/2024 20:35

Don't generalise.

Cover up the abuse of children. Is that better?

Huonneyywisshful · 26/12/2024 21:31

How about abuse children and cover it up.

elliejjtiny · 26/12/2024 22:27

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/12/2024 11:23

worrisomeasset · 24/12/2024 09:40

When I was a child, the vicar’s wife used to mentally add up the hymn numbers on the board at the front. It was more interesting for her than listening to her husband’s sermons

You’ve reminded me of Keeping Mum. Think we’ll watch it later 😁

We used to play looking up numbers when the church youth group joined the rest of the church for communion. Someone would whisper a number and we would all scramble to find the number in the hymn book first. The winner would pick the next number. Good times.

The thing that I find most frustrating is that in the church where I grew up we had a prayer chain where a group of people prayed for people's problems in strict confidence and then told the next person on the chain. Although some people could have their prayer requests out in the church notices for everyone to see if they wanted. At my current church there is a WhatsApp prayer group that has all sorts of people on, from regulars who have never missed a service in 40 years to people who left 2 years ago and people who come occasionally. So if you want prayer you have to tell your business to all those people. And sometimes I don't want to. Also doing free funerals (and free catering) to "members of the church". I don't mind that in principle but we've had a few when the person hasn't been to the church for 40+ years!

Geneticsbunny · 26/12/2024 22:49

Apologies for the mentions. Mumsnet won't let me delete when once I have accidentally clicked

@Screamingabdabz

@Azertyuio123